What We are Working On Now

 As many of you know, Rowan is being homeschooled/unschooled, even at this early age. I have considered sending him to preschool a couple days a week (for mainly social reasons), but the one that I would prefer has a huge waiting list. I will not send him to a traditional elementary, though- his father and I are united in that.

Currently, Rowan is 32 months (or a little over 2.5 years old, for all of you non-parents out there). He is precocious and whip-smart. I have a loose plan on what comes next, based on his age and abilities, as well as his interests. Our strategy is to explose him to as much as we can, see what piques his interest as well as making steady progress on some key areas (below):

The three Rs:
He already knows his alphabet, so we are starting phonics this fall. Once he can recognize the sounds that letters make, he can't be far from reading. I read at age three, and I think he will be able to as well. He loves stories, and we get new books from the library all the time. He is motivated to read, because he is always asking what printed things say and memorizing the books he has already read. We have told him that once he learns what sounds the letters make, he'll be able to read soon after that. He's excited and we are thrilled!

He knows his numbers, zero-nine. Now we are working on counting things. He understands that the symbols are the numbers, but he has not yet made the leap that four fish on a page are "four" yet. So he has memorized the symbol but not the meaning, much like his take on the alphabet.

Art:
He draws, paints, or plays with playdough every day. I think he's actually best at making identifiable things with the dough. I can recognize when he is shaping an animal- whereas when he draws, it's all a scribbly mess still. He is surrounded by art all the time, especially having the neighbors that we do. (They run a local art group.) He loves music and is looking forward to taking music lessons this fall. We found a kindermusik program within walking distance! He asks for music in the car and at home all the time, and we hope to give piano lessons after he turns 3. There are Suzuki method teachers that will start him that young here.

Life Skills (the important stuff they don't often teach in school):
He knows forwards and backwards, so now we are working on left, right, and the cardinal directions. Once he understands the directions and how they work with the sun and moon, he will be closer to participating in esbats.

He can express himself eloquently (sometimes much too eloquently!), but we are working on manners (such as interrupting people when they are speaking and yelling to get noticed or get what he wants- oy, toddlerhood!).

He is an intense kid who loves touch and being close to his family and friends and sometimes overwhelms other kids. We are teaching him that some kids need space, and he should back up when asked.

Delayed gratification is a basic life skill that so many fail to master. So we have a sticker chart. When Rowan makes a good decision, he gets a sticker. This could be following instructions or something he initiates himself. But when we notice (or he points it out, clever child), he gets a sticker. Once his sticker chart is filled, he gets "something special". He gets to choose between several things we offer, like eating at a restaurant, getting some ice cream, seeing a movie, or getting a new toy.

He is learning how to build towers with his blocks, which is teaching him about gravity, spatial relationships, and developing his hand-eye coordination. It is also a wonderful way he uses his imagination. He builds "towers" and "castles"  and "see saws" and "zoos". And of course, my little Shiva LOVES to knock his creations down.

He is required to pick up his own toys. He has friends that are in constant struggles with their parents over cleaning, and I am happy to say that Ro is not like that. He always has a job to do when we are cleaning and is expected to contribute to the household as a condition of living here. We may decide to give him allowance one day, but I have to think about what I want to teach about the philosophy of money before that happens. I personally hate capitalism and don't want to encourage that model- but he also needs to learn about money, too- so he can survive under a capitalist model.

Speaking of money, Rowan has a bank and we give him our loose change and he squirrels it away. The bank has become too stuffed, so this week when we got o the credit union, he is excited to bring his bank and start his own savings account. Now Rowan will be able to accept checks, LOL!

We are also teaching him about the passage of time. He understands that the clock tells time and often guesses what time it is ("7:30 'o clock, mommy?"). He knows that daddy gets picked up from work at 5 PM. He knows that breakfast comes before dinner, and that naps happen before he plays outside or goes on an outing. Right now, I give him a run down of his entire day, starting when he wakes up:

"OK, Booper. Today we are gonna get dressed, take daddy to work, come home, eat breakfast and let the girls (my parrots) out, then we'll play a little bit before your nap." Doing an item and crossing it off the list means reviewing the list and adding to it. "OK, Rowan after you play, you are going to take a nap, then when you wake up, we'll have lunch and then you can play outside with your friends (or go to the library/zoo/science museum)!"

I find that he transitions really gracefully if he is given a map of the day and countdowns to things he fights, like naps. Maybe not all kids need this, but Rowan thrives on routine and knowing what comes next.

Chill Out jar

Another thing about time, since it is so abstraact and relative is the passage of time, esp. when waiting for something fun or while in a time out. I have started to use cheap kitchen timers for countdowns and this chill out jar for time outs.

He is also learning about the calendar. "Can I go to Halloween, mommy?" is an opportunity to start counting down and show him how a calendar works. He has decided to be a lightening bug for Halloween this year and he cannot wait!

Cooking is also something we show him and he participates in. It is not only a life skill, but counting and measuring, chemistry, and creativity all rolled into one!

Another thing he will learn in this category next year, after he is three is swimming. Everyone should know how to swim!

Science:
He is enchanted with animals and plants, so we are starting plant identification, insect identification, and learning about zoo animals he is fond of with books from the library and the internet. I want to get him this awesome board game called Wildcraft! which will help him identify medicinal plants. Once he starts showing interest in other science, we will start learning about that, too.

Peia.

To help with his love of animals up close, we go to the zoo almost weekly and he has a pet of his own (mama has two parrots, which he loves, too)- his is a toad named Peia (short for Cassiopeia) and soon Peia will have a buddy, whom he's decided to name Dromeda (short for Andromeda). He watches his toad hunt for crickets several times a week. I always show him how his animals need care- he watches me feed Peia (when he had a fish, he fed the fish. But live crickets are hard for a toddler to catch!), turn on and off his light, and clean his enclosure. We shop for crickets together.

I have been accumulating links and tips for homeschooling on my Pinterest boards. What skills are you working on with your kids, whether they are homeschooled or not? How do you work on them?

Back to Unschool!

 People who read my blog know that my take on child rearing is not the American standard. I co-slept, breastfed, wore my child, work part-time so that I can be with him, plan on unschooling and traveling for his education, and homestead to feed him well instead of feeding him "kid food" (whatever that is!). He is not being restricted in his gender expressions and he is being raised knowing that I will love him always. My love is not conditional on him making choices that I would personally chose for him.

Spiritually, he is being raised as a Witch with a UU community and ethics (which come from individual discernment) instead of morals (which are an outside code adopted by someone instead of thinking for themselves).

He is also smart- while we have "teaching moments", we do not have school per se- I take advantage of what happens in our lives. Our gardening together is a science moment or a time to count. We sing the alphabet song in the car, which he loves. Right now we are working on slowing down L...M...N...O...P... so they are no longer a one-letter combo! He knows his letters and numbers by sight already, and memorizes people's names after meeting them once (I wish I had that skill!). He remembers everything.

Today, we decided together what we were gonna do- and when those plans didn't work out (the science museum was closed! Boo!), we laughed and went to eat breakfast instead. (He ordered himself- after I told him his healthy options.) I was delighted he did not have a fit over something neither of us could control. (Personally, I put that down to his always getting his emotional needs met, so when his desires are not met, it's OK. I buy into that attachment parenting idea. It has worked well for us. While Rowan has his "toddler moments", he is generally an easy-going, well-adjusted, kind child.)

Later, I taught him and his friends (the three girls next door) how to play hopscotch (they are all a tad too young to play by the exact rules yet) and then formed a marching band with Rowan's play instruments and marched around the yard. Keeping equidistant from one another, learning how to march and hop "the right way", throwing the rock on the right number by sight and in sequence- that would bewhat the educator calls developing hand-eye coordination, fine and gross motor control, counting, sight learning of numbers, following detailed instructions, and fostering creativity. Top that, preschool! Ha!

Later still, we cleaned up his insanely messy room together. His job was to get the stuff off the floor and put it on the bed, and my job was to sort it and put it away into his bins and such. I put down a rug that shows a little town- complete with roads and buildings. He can play on it with his little cars and people. I dragged up the new toy box his Pap Pap made him- a huge behemoth that made me huff and puff and sweat afterwards! (Porbably should have waited for daddy to come home, but I didn't.) He now has a wonderfully clean room (until tomorrow, LOL) that is organized and swept. It looks awesome. I should take a picture, because it won't last long!

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Inspiration for my Unschooling

I sway back and forth in my head between homeschooling and unschooling Rowan. I love the idea of unschooling, and how it give a child more autonomy over their learning process. I tend to think that my predeliction to choose homeschooling instead of unschooling is a controlling instinct. So I waiver- assuming that I will unschool unless I see obvious deficits that need to be addressed. Anyone who has experience with either model and has something to say, please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.

On top of that conundrum, I am considering part time preschool. My son is so social and gregarious that I wonder if I should start homeschool AFTER a preschool experience. He loves seeing other kids so much and talks about all his friends incessantly. A good preschool would give him the social time that he needs while freeing his father and I to get stuff done (without worrying about Rowan not learning anything).

Why am I not giving my son the experience that I had, in a decent public school? After all, I was a public school teacher... Frankly, my experience does not exist any more- even in the school that I attended. I am often horrified by stories coming out of public and private schools these days. The bullying, the metal detectors and locker inspections, the teaching to standardized tests, the inequality of schools within a state based on class and race, and the drilled forced compliance and obedience that often is the focus more than exploration and inquiry. And that makes me confident that homeschooling or unscholing is a better option for my son.

So I know what I do not want, but what do I want? Recently, I read a great article that talks about the positive reasons to homeschool, instead of focusing on the negatives. And it got me to setting goals for my education of Rowan.

There are so many things that I want for him. I want him to be a free thinker and to love learning. I want him to get the best education, regardless of current politics that affect the currricula du jour. I want him to challenge and question everything. I want him to love to read- for pleasure as well as learning (and to see the two as intertwined), and not dismiss it as a "girly thing". Indeed, I don't want him hyper-indoctrinated into the "boys do/wear/act like this and girls do/wear/act like (the "opposite"). I want him to be creative and expressive without being ridiculed for it. I would love for him to play music, to dance, to take martial arts, to be a visual artist, to love science and the natural world, to understand people's history and the world around him, to value diversity and experience it every day, to travel, and to love life. I want him to be happy, healthy, and wise. A school room just seems so restrictive, given that tall order! I want the world to be his classroom- so I want to travel the world with him.

Every once in a while, I read about an awesome kid and think, "I hope that Rowan does something like that one day." Like this boy, who loves history and isn't afraid to challenge authority. He is a great role model for my son.

What are your educational dreams for your child? How are you working towards them?

Saying Yes

Ro at Bay Area Discovery Museum

As Rowan becomes more of an individuated person and less of a baby, I struggle with the line between keeping him safe and saying yes. Often as an adult with my own agenda and chores, it is easier to say no to my son for my own convenience as a default- and I do not want that to be the case. I need to stop and think before I respond to Rowan and ask myself, "Is this a no because it would be bad for him to do such a thing, or is this a no because it is inconvenient for me in the moment?"

Ro at the Cal Academy of Sciences.

While having my own time and space is important, when I decided to have a child, I also decided to put some of my own stuff aside to make space for another person and their needs. Sometimes, his needs trump mine and sometimes vice versa. But I have decided that if his needs are merely coming an inconvenient time, that is not necessarily enough of a reason to say no.

For example, if I am hungry and my adult agenda is to fix dinner in an efficient manner, and Rowan's kid agenda is to "help" me cook, instead of saying no, I will grab a cheese stick to allay my immediate hunger and instead say yes. I am working hard to become a "yes mama" and creating a culture of yes and can-do in my home. I want Rowan to grow into a self-sufficient, confident person and that only comes with experience. My job, I have decided, is to say yes whenever possible.

In the Pagan Playdate Suite, PantheaCon 2011

This concept is applying more and more as he grows. He is almost two (just two short weeks- how is that possible?) and is already working on "preschool" concepts like colors, shapes, the alphabet, and numbers and counting. I am trying to create a culture of yes while teaching him- and that means leaning towards an "unschooling" method. Yes, I have manipulatives and curricula, but I try and introduce it organically and make it a game. As soon as he tires of the game, we move onto something else. Learning should be fun and something he wants to do. And so far, he is leaps and bounds ahead of his same-age peers. It seems to be working!

My approach is affecting how I am designing my homeschool curricula (that I hope to publish in a year or so). While I am writing for families other than my own, I am trying to provide a framework loose enough for experimentation and activities diverse enough to entice many kinds of kids. My son is a great teacher!

"Back to School"

It's that time of year again, when many young people (and old grad students like me) start classes once more. September and the beginning of fall will always be imprinted in my mind as "Back to School Time" time. I was a public school kid, in a decent school system in an affluent suburb of Chicago (that my parents barely afforded and sacrificed to move into). I remember waiting for the school bus to pick up across the street from my house, and having my wet hair freeze in the crisp winter air. I remember picking out which of my new clothes were going to be that special "first day of school" outfit. My birthday fell during the school year, so I always got birthday wishes at school as well as a birthday party, unlike those sad summer-born kids. I had a gaggle of friends and we clung to one another as we navigated through the world of public education. I have fond memories of some things about going to school.


And part of me is wistful that Rowan might not have those kind of memories. I plan on homeschooling/ unschooling him unless he states a preference otherwise. I am hoping to be able to find a group of like-minded parents with which to do a group school, actually- so he will have peers. He will be missing something, a common experience that many of his peers will experience- and I know that in order to deprive him of that, I need to provide something much better. And I think that I can do that.

It's the other memories of going to school that helped me make up my mind about whether or not to send my son off to school. Bullies, teachers that crush your dreams, teachers that are overworked and cannot function, cliques and social hierarchies that do not matter but mean the world to a child or teen, and feeling like the tiny little world they inhabit was indeed the entire world and it was always going to be like "this way". I hated the desperation that I felt at the hands of wealthy popular kids and their priorities. I hated the reverence demanded for authority without them having to earn it, or asking me whether I bought into the hierarchy in the first place. I hated being treated like property, or a criminal, or stupid simply because of my age.

He can get social peers in music, art, or dance class...

I want my son to be educated in the world. I want him to experience a diversity of people, opinions, and experiences. I want him to learn to question everything, analyze and think critically. I want him to be able to follow his passions and learn what he desires to learn, not just an agenda set by other people- including the arts, the religions of the world, accurate history that is not just about conquest and militarism, and the humanities in all its glory. I want him to be respected as an individual with rights.

And frankly, I can only think of one type of school that may be able to fulfill this tall order (and sadly, there aren't any in Ohio). But even at this awesome school, I still would be working to expose him to lots of things as his parent if he attended this school anyway. So why not try and start on my own? I have taught school myself in the Oakland public schools, mentored and tutored youth, volunteered with kids of many ages at UU churches and Girl Scouts. I know how to create curricula that is child driven, age appropriate, and most of all, fun. So I am working hard to build a life where I can be the main educator in my son's life.


Does it scare me? A little. I know it is an awesome responsibility to take on the education of another human being. I need to have my house in order. And while I normally don't care what others think of me, I know that Rowan will go through the phase where he will. More and more parents are homeschooling these days, so the stereotype of the religiously fanatical homeschooling family (or the socially stunted homeschooled kid) is becoming more of a relic. But he may run into judgmental  people who think how they do things is better and will try and make him feel less than for being homeschooled. I will have to prepare him for that.

While he isn't even old enough to enter preschool yet, I am working with him- teaching him a little every day. He has learned basic vocabulary for his day, animals, colors, foods, counting up to three, ASL, and how to take a deep breath (we are working on calming skills right now). He is a little sponge and wants to know everything! I am beginning to accumulate curricula and lessons in all kind of areas on Pinterest: general homeschooling info and printables, religious curriculum, art, music, science, maths, literacy, and reading, social studies, health and life skills.

I am looking forward to exploring the world with my special little Boop.

Pagan Playdate!

I have been involved in the beginning stages of a pagan playgroup with local folks here for a few months now. Our group gets together every Wednesday to get our kids together and to give us pagan parents a place to commune.

Sometimes, we just meet a member's home- toys are shared, snacks are eaten, and songs are sung. Other times, we go to free museum days or play cafes or events. We also try and invite one another to kid friendly events that happen at other times during the week.

Although Rowan is just now excited to be with other kids (although he is still a little small to actively play with anyone yet), I started going months ago. Why? To find a community of like-minded parents for support and tribe-building, of course! The playgroup is as much for me as it is for Rowan, and hence, we have a win-win on our hands!

Besides having fun, I have other aspirations for my/Rowan's participation as well:

• I hope to group school Rowan and I hope to meet like-minded pagan parents who wish to do the same. I like the idea of homeschooling, but I worry that I will do a less than adequate job of teaching my son if I am the sole person responsible for curriculum. After all, we all have our weak points, and mine happens to be math. Having a group of parents contributing to the education of our children makes sense and will mean a better education, to my mind. I also want Rowan to have the main advantage of a school environment- that is, exposure to other kids and the ability to learn social skills. So while homeschooling is appealing, group schooling is even more so. So I hope to meet parents that want this for their kids, too.
• I want to start a spiral scouts chapter for my area.
• I want to start a co-op child care group so that we can go on dates, go to adult rituals, and other things without breaking the bank.

 Anyone out there part of a pagan playgroup? A spiral scouts hearth or circle? A co-op childcare group? A group schooler or part of a co-op school? Tell me about it!