Back to Unschool!

 People who read my blog know that my take on child rearing is not the American standard. I co-slept, breastfed, wore my child, work part-time so that I can be with him, plan on unschooling and traveling for his education, and homestead to feed him well instead of feeding him "kid food" (whatever that is!). He is not being restricted in his gender expressions and he is being raised knowing that I will love him always. My love is not conditional on him making choices that I would personally chose for him.

Spiritually, he is being raised as a Witch with a UU community and ethics (which come from individual discernment) instead of morals (which are an outside code adopted by someone instead of thinking for themselves).

He is also smart- while we have "teaching moments", we do not have school per se- I take advantage of what happens in our lives. Our gardening together is a science moment or a time to count. We sing the alphabet song in the car, which he loves. Right now we are working on slowing down L...M...N...O...P... so they are no longer a one-letter combo! He knows his letters and numbers by sight already, and memorizes people's names after meeting them once (I wish I had that skill!). He remembers everything.

Today, we decided together what we were gonna do- and when those plans didn't work out (the science museum was closed! Boo!), we laughed and went to eat breakfast instead. (He ordered himself- after I told him his healthy options.) I was delighted he did not have a fit over something neither of us could control. (Personally, I put that down to his always getting his emotional needs met, so when his desires are not met, it's OK. I buy into that attachment parenting idea. It has worked well for us. While Rowan has his "toddler moments", he is generally an easy-going, well-adjusted, kind child.)

Later, I taught him and his friends (the three girls next door) how to play hopscotch (they are all a tad too young to play by the exact rules yet) and then formed a marching band with Rowan's play instruments and marched around the yard. Keeping equidistant from one another, learning how to march and hop "the right way", throwing the rock on the right number by sight and in sequence- that would bewhat the educator calls developing hand-eye coordination, fine and gross motor control, counting, sight learning of numbers, following detailed instructions, and fostering creativity. Top that, preschool! Ha!

Later still, we cleaned up his insanely messy room together. His job was to get the stuff off the floor and put it on the bed, and my job was to sort it and put it away into his bins and such. I put down a rug that shows a little town- complete with roads and buildings. He can play on it with his little cars and people. I dragged up the new toy box his Pap Pap made him- a huge behemoth that made me huff and puff and sweat afterwards! (Porbably should have waited for daddy to come home, but I didn't.) He now has a wonderfully clean room (until tomorrow, LOL) that is organized and swept. It looks awesome. I should take a picture, because it won't last long!

On Children by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Theology of Religion, or What the Heck is Wrong with People?

We live in an extremely polarized culture right now. People are fighting and killing one another over their differences. This of course is nothing new, people have been slaughtering others for race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, and any other reason since we have historical records (and likely before that).

But this is not the world that I want my son to inherit and I struggle with the the balance between disclosure (at age appropriate levels) and keeping him blissfully ignorant, just a little while longer, to what the world is really like.

His great-grandmother is a horrible racist. So are some other family members. I have had to tell them to STFU with their crap when they are around me and my son. "That is false, ignorant, and racist- and you WILL NOT expose my son to that kind of stupidity," I have said on at least one occasion. I am surprised at how they actually shut up. They are not used to uppity women nor are they used to anyone challenging their worldview, I suppose.

My son is two-and-a-half and repeats everything. He has no filters to know what is righteous speech and what is harmful speech. He is starting to learn with his playmates what is a mean thing to say or do, but toddlers are not qualified to filter themselves yet, we have to do it for them.

This is why I do not let him watch very many mainstream movies or TV shows. The sexism and racism on these programs is astounding, especially anything branded Disney (don't get me started on Disney!). I watch everything first, so that I can be ready for questions and commentary as we watch together.

And yet, in reality- those movies reflect a reality that I dislike. Like this reality, the Republican delegate from Puerto Rico being jeered at with taunts of "USA! USA!" (Um, hey xenophobic jackasses- Puerto Rico is part of the USA.)





Or this reality, also from the GOP convention. Or the racist shootings of unarmed youth of color by civilians and police alike. Or the more subtle racism that many of us or our friends and family exhibit- jokes, slurs, or avoidance of those different than us (and the corresponding instilling of fear into our children about those people). I am heartsick over it all.

I do what I can- I am raising my son to be a good person who values difference and diversity and is comfortable with the myriad people around him. I teach kids and youth at church that looking to different cultures is not only interesting, it is necessary and an asset to their lives. I call people on unchecked assumptions. But the problem seems so HUGE. What else can I do?

This post started after reading this article about Sikh children explaining the massacre in Wisconsin. The children in that article grapple, as I do, to make sense of a crazy splintered world. Their theology is also a theology that dictates that everyone is divine and disconnection from that source can make people do horrible things to one another.

How do we connect? It's times like this when I am overwhelmed with fear and anger about my world that I try and remember the African American adage, "Each One Teach One". We can't do everything, but we all can do something. Maybe that will be enough. Gods, I hope so.

Being in Oakland

Lake Merritt

After the Symposium, I got three whole days to try and see the people who are important to me, eat amazing food, walk my old neighborhood haunts, and be immersed in Bay Area culture, which is profoundly different than Columbus culture.

Friday was my first completely at-leisure day. I was dropped off in Temescal, one of my old neighborhoods (pre-gentrification- there was no tapas bar when I lived there, I'll tell you that!) and went to Peet's to get some Russian Caravan tea to take home and then to Sagrada.

How to describe this store? It is an interfaith store selling books, music, statuary, and other things for so many different faiths and beliefs. I almost bought a gorgeous stained glass mezuzah for our doorway* but instead opted for a reclaimed wood redwood shrine for a statue (to hang on the wall), a recycled glass lightcatcher with a black crescent moon and star from El Salvador, and a book for Rowan (Starhawk's The Last Wild Witch).

At Dia de los Muertos in Fruitvale.

I then BARTed to Fruitvale and had breakfast with a long-time friend. We have known one another for at least a decade, and knew each other before we are who we are today. We have both changed in such amazing and positive ways and a lot of the ways that we have changed have surprise people, even ourselves. We laughed and caught up and shared lives for almost three hours at an amazing taqueria that makes their own tortillas and salsa, and is awesometastically delicious.

After that, I walked around the Bay. Fruitvale, which hosts the best Dia de los Muertos celebration in the Bay. Piedmont, which is super tony now- even more than it was when I lived here. I ended up going to a  favorite patisserie (I have yet to find one in Columbus that is even close in quality) and then a Himalayan import outlet and getting a few things there for myself and as gifts for folks back home.

I was picked up by my Witch mama and we went to Pacific East mall in El Cerrito. I wanted to get Rowan My Neighbor Totoro schwag, since it is his favorite movie. I love it too- and we borrowed it form the libary and now he talks about it constantly. Sadly, it is almost always checked out and he hasn't seen it again (Netflix streaming, you fail me here!). So this mall was the perfect place to go. I got a copy of the movie, plus a Totoro backpack and my Witch mama got Rowan a stuffed Catbus with a tiny Totoro inside. We then had a delicious hot pot meal with lamb, fish balls, veggies, and beef in our spicy delicious broth.

Saturday, I headed into San Francisco to breakfast with yet another beloved friend at a Mexican seafood place. I had glorious raw oysters to begin, then garlic prawns and fried tilapia in an amazing garlic sauce. I had glorious company and I am excited that this beautiful person is moving to Pittsburgh in a couple years and will only be three hours away! Whee!

I then travelled to the Richmond, to spend the rest of the day and evening with beloved friends that my partner and I met in our midwifery birth class. This class changed our lives in so many ways- we have these fantastic friends (who almost moved to Columbus with us, but because of the horrible oppressive laws in Ohio regarding same-sex second parent adoptions, they are moving to Pittsburgh instead.), one of our friends decided to become a midwife, and my son has a best friend (their daughter, born a week after Rowan).

We went to Ocean Beach together (A delight! I was not expecting to see the ocean this trip but I miss it so much so I am glad we did), dined together, and played together. I had not seen their daughter in 7 months (they visited Ohio over Hannukah last year and we went to see them) and she is a hoot!

I spent the night at their place and in the morning hoofed it to transit so that I could attend First Unitarian Church of Oakland's services. After seeing some folks there that I love and participating in worship, I went to Chaos Cabaret, a Radical Faerie sanctuary in north Oakland.

They had agreed to let me host a tea there and it was delightful to once again be immersed in Faedom. Queens singing at the top of their lungs while cooking lunch and making jokes. The smell of sage mixed with marijuana. The delight in everything sacred and shiny. We had tea and chatted, and then it was time for me to meet my ex-wife for sushi.

My ex and I were together for 10 years and are still friends. We Skype regularly and when I lived in the Bay we would have dinners together. She has agreed to teach Rowan math and science (she's a biologist) and sends him presents. It was fantastic to see her- but after all this socializing and "being on" for days at a time, I was sleepy. After twoish hours of catching up, I was ready for bed.

I am now getting ready to head for the airport to fly back home, to Columbus. Columbus is now home, and Oakland is only my hometown. That seems weird but right. I am so exited to see my partner and our son.

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*I have a car mezuzah which has the traditional Jewish prayer on it, as well as some conjure (done by me) on that slip of paper as well. It is a charm of protection that packs a double wallop!

The Symposium

I arrived in my beloved Oakland day on Monday night and was picked up by a dear friend. She is part of a collective household where I am staying while in the Bay, a lovely assortment of Buddhists and Witches. I missed some morning sits, but I was blessed to sit with them on Wednesday and Saturday!

On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I went to Starr King School for the Ministry's first ever Symposium. It was held the days after orientation for new students (which is, in itself quite the affair*!) This year, they are honoring the Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi with an honorary doctorate. He is one of the founders of the Jewish Renewal movement and we were blessed to hear him and his wife, Eve, speak over the course of three days.

I had never heard of Reb Zalman before, but I had seen the fruits of his labors first hand. I am surprised that I have never wrote here about Chochmat Ha'Lev, the Jewish Renewal temple in Berkeley and my experiences there**.

We Starr Kingers were blessed to be in collaboration with Chochmat on this event, and their musicians and congregants were in attendance- they added joy and ecstacy to our rituals and services. We had a joyful opening ritual, which was a delightful blend of Sufi Zhikr, Jewish Renewal shabbat service, and Unitarian Universalism weaving it all together. This was a ritual that not only talked about "organic multireligiousity" but did it, gladly and wholeheartedly. There is a line that exists between multireligiousity and appropriation- and because SKSM truly encompasses people of all faiths and beliefs and they are bringing their traditions to the table to share- it is the former not the latter. It feels liberating.

As a polytheist Witch, I feel completely at home at SKSM, even when I am misunderstood. There is room for misunderstandings at Starr King, as it always leads us to better understanding through dialogue- because people there are committed to building beloved community***.

At the symposium, I was in for a treat and took copious notes. Expect some philosophical theological posts in the near future! One of the Starr King faculty, Ibrahim Farajaje, introduced our honored guest thusly, "(Reb Zalman) cracks open the cosmic cardamom so that we may enjoy the sweet taste and smell of his teachings." Indeed! I have a lot to ponder and draw inspiration from whilst I review my notes.

The shofar was blown and we prepared ourselves to listen to this man, whose amazing life and works have touched so many. Over the three days, he talked on so many subjects: how G-d is nature, how to teach children about the universe, brain chemistry and the soul, how we are all not just connected but are divine ("Upon waking and finding myself alive, I say, 'Dear G-d, you decided to be Zalman another day? OK, I'll give you a good ride.'")

His talks gave me a lot to think about and I am still processing. Heck, I am processing the whole experience, really. We discussed Audre Lorde and how two of her essays could be read and combined with Reb Zalman's. We had a workshop on Theater of the Oppressed and I have a lot to ponder on those exercises, too. The Ritual Arts Collective created two amazing rituals that left me breathless and weeping at times. I had a great Symposium and also had a great visit to the Bay afterwards.

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*My orientation was overwhelming and moving. Students are included in a ritual that walks the talk of radical trust and beloved community and are given keys to the building so that they may enter it, day or night. It was such an amazing gesture, I wept.

**How to describe Chochmat? Joyous, inclusive, ecstatic, and mystical. I was blown away by their shabbat service with the singing, dancing, and squealing, giggling children diving into pillows. I would go back in a heartbeat and wish that there was a Jewish Renewal temple in Columbus.


***My first UU Church, in Oakland, CA has a dedication to building beloved community. Here is the statement about it from their website: To build a radically inclusive community, to grow the beloved community by expanding the welcome table and deepening our commitments to countering oppression as an intentional multiracial, multicultural, multigenerational congregation. There is a sermon here about it.

Trip to the Bay!

I am very excited to be heading "home" for a week to the San Francisco Bay Area. I am attending a three day symposium at my grad school (so I get to see my friends from Starr King!), and then staying on to visit with friends and Witch kin that I have not seen in almost a year (has it really been that long?)!

In addition to eating my way across the Bay* (for those of you who don't know the SF Bay Area has some of the best food in the world), I am stopping at special places (Sword and the Rose for handmade incense, Scarlet Sage for herbalist kinship, Sacred Well to say hi, Field's Books for occult books shopping) that are near and dear to me. I want to go to El Rio (my fave bar) and the Oakland UU church, too.

I plan on bringing home all kinds of goodies: gourmet teas, various temple items, and a giant Totoro for my son (his fave movie deserves a big stuffie).

While I am there, I am having a drop-in social tea hosted for me at a Radical Faerie house, having brunch with my ex (we are still close), supping with brothers and sisters of the Craft, and crashing with my Witch mother. I get to have some one-on-one time with close friends whom I miss very badly.

So excited! Witch Mom will return after I do: August 28th.

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*dim sum, sushi, vietnamese, korean, a decent burrito, and spanish food are all on the list.