Showing posts with label play. Show all posts
Showing posts with label play. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play

Welcome to the September Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Through Play
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how challenging discipline situations can be met with play. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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"Hit the ball instead" game.
"Oftentimes, some of our most difficult parenting challenges can be defused or handled gracefully if we choose to use play", said the carnival invitation. I had to laugh, as I live with a 19 month old toddler! I have a headstrong, willful, spirited toddler who loves to challenge my resolve, boundaries, and limits. And I have tried many different methods of working through this behavior, but by far, play has worked the best. But try as I might, it is hardly what I think to do first. Perhaps with practice, in time.

Why is it so hard for me to remember that play works? I think it is because most of us did not grow up in a culture where parents interacted with their kids in this way. So it requires a mind-shift and extra effort on the part of the parent.

Crumple the trash in mama's purse instead of yelling
in the restaurant game.
When I say mind-shift, I mean that I believe that I and many other people have been conditioned to think of the relationship between kids and their parents in a certain way. Parents are in charge, kids must obey. Parents make the rules, kids follow them. And if a kid breaks the rules, s/he gets punished or at the very least gets a lecture on "respecting the rules"*. Now, I believe that the previous statements about parents being in charge statements are still true, but as a parent who believes in gentle discipline, I believe that they need to be seen through a different filter. Instead of a top-heavy power dynamic laden with punishment and authoritarianism- why not see these statements through the filter of play? After all, games have rules that someone makes up. In order to play the game correctly and everyone to have fun, people must follow those rules.
He was having a tantrum minutes earlier.
Now he has a hat and a fun dress up game.

In my experience, it isn't extra work to use play. The extra work comes in getting past first inclinations of what I am supposed to do as a parent. I have been frustrated with my son plenty of times when he does things he knows that he is not supposed to do, over and over. But in my experience, he is doing them to get my attention. If he gets my attention, he stops "acting out" (standing or jumping on the furniture, smashing crackers with his feet, or banging his toys loudly, for example).

So when he catches me not paying attention these days and draws attention to it (mama gets sucked into her laptop all too often) by being destructive or doing reckless things I don't want him to do (to keep him safe), I pause, take a deep breath and redirect with play. The making funny faces game is always a winner, as is the "Hey, where's Toy X? Bring it here and let's play."


Do you use play in your bag of discipline tricks? How? As a new mama, I am always looking for more tips!


*Personally, I am teaching Rowan to respect individuals, not rules.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: