Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
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Those who have followed this blog since the beginning may remember my birth story. It is the first post on this blog, carried over from a personal blog that no longer exists. I chose to start out Witch Mom with my birth story, so that this blog officially documented starting this new chapter in my life.


Nothing about Rowan's conception, my pregnancy, or our childbirth experience was ordinary. But whose story is? Birth is the everyday miracle at which we all marvel yet take for granted.


The part of the story that I tend to focus upon, when telling his story now, is how quickly I willed myself to dilate and push him out when he was in danger and I was in danger of being cut open. I wanted my VBAC so bad and wanted Rowan so bad that I performed that everyday miracle within an hour.

Mama and Rowan, shortly after they brought
him to me from the NICU.

I knew I was in final stage labor when we piled into the car to cross over the San Francisco Bay Bridge from my home in Oakland to the birth center in San Francisco. And when I arrived at 2:30, i was 5 cm dilated. My midwife was excited and started monitoring the baby and that's when she told me we would have to go to the hospital. She rode with me in the ambulance and eventually got scrubs to enter the OR that they wheeled me into- just as they were prepping me for the C Section that I worked so hard to avoid.


They had just assessed that in that short ride to the hospital, I went from 5 cm to 9.5 cm! At that, my midwife begged them to give me a chance at vaginal delivery. She has a great relationship with the folks at that hospital, so they told her to coach me. They also told her that they would only give me three contractions before they would have to do a C section, for fear of losing my baby.


I remember looking up into her face, masked and clad in bog glasses and cap. "OK- make these contractions count!", she barked. I remember them manually opening me up that last .5 cm (ouch) and when the contraction came an instant later, I pushed and screamed. "Stop screaming and push all that energy down there- don't let it come out your mouth!" she said insistently. I was glad for her direction and was all consumed by the sheer physicality of it all.

My midwife, Judi with Rowan. I will always be grateful to
her for the excellent prenatal care and that she got them to let
me try for my VBAC. She saved me from another C Section,
to be sure.

The next contraction came and I pushed so hard Rowan's head came out. The doctor and nurses were stunned. They had not expected me to accomplish this and were expecting to start anesthesia instead. I got wild encouragement from my midwife, and with one more push during that third contraction, his shoulders passed through.


My midwife came to see me the next day after Rowan and I were settled in, starting to breastfeed (he had to go to the NICU for his first 14 hours). "They (the hospital staff) were surprised that this was your first vaginal birth- you handled it really well.", she told me. 


What could I say? I knew if I wanted a vaginal birth and a healthy baby, I had to do it- there was no wiggle room, no hemming and hawing that could be done. So I did it. I willed myself to open, just as I willed my body to push. It was a profound lesson that I can do anything. I think birth does that for women who are given the chance to give birth the way we are supposed to- naturally and with support. When women are told that their pregnancy  and birth needs to be managed and treated like a pathology, they are disempowered and do not learn the very real magic and discipline of birth. It robs women of a rite of passage- all those interventions.

Rowan's father, doing skin-to-skin contact the day
after he was born. He took off his shirt but kept on a
hoodie, to keep Rowan warm.

I am not saying that interventions aren't always necessary. Sometimes they save lives. But they happen all too often in this country for no other reason than convenience and comfort (of the mother sometimes, but more often of the medical staff that attends her). And comfort does not teach the real life lessons. Only through irritation and pain does an oyster make a pearl.


Did I get the birth that I wanted? No. I wanted to labor in the birth center, taking my time in a sacred space that I, my partner, and my doula created together. I wanted my son to be born and suckle with skin-to-skin contact immediately. I wanted my partner to cut the cord. I wanted to encapsulate my placenta and ingest it. Did I get any of those things? No. But I got what I needed: a healthy son and an initiation into a powerful women's mystery that I will remember always.
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn't what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma's Birth ... 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a "dream birth," but she wouldn't change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children's births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn't go 'to plan', and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children's births, and tries to do the same with her sons' birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences... — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist's point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares the strength she didn't realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama - embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father's View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband's advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn't end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that "perfect" birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct - Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura's Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that's one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn't need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she'd really be most comfortable when the time came...
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn't they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One - Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What's to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child's birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman's Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister's Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn't exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons' births.

Pagan Insights Project

Have you heard about the Pagan Insights Project? It's a way for pagans to get to know one another and what we believe (since the term pagan really can only mean non-Abrahamic to apply to everyone under this umbrella).


There are several different kinds of posts that you can do, and there will be a monthly round up so people can read your contribution:


* In Your Own Words - your thoughts and feelings – maybe a full blog post on a topic of your choice related to your path (or Paganism in general) or just a few sentences on where you are right now. What are you studying? What are you thinking? Who are you, and where are you going on your Pagan path? What’s right and what’s wrong in Paganism at the moment?

* Post A Pic - post an image related to your path, or one that invokes a feeling/emotion related to your spirituality (or craft… if one is a non-religious Witch), along with a sentence or two describing the image.

* Musical Musings - post a song, chant or poem related to your path, or one that invokes a feeling/emotion related to your spirituality (or craft). Can be in word form, but videos would definitely be awesome as well. On a spiritual level, what is your music of the moment? Is this a song stuck in your head, or one you played before your last ritual?

*Action, Action - post about a ritual, working or other experiential moment related to your path that has occurred recently, or that you are planning to do.

* Eureka! - post about something new that you have learned, or discovered recently, that is related to your path or Paganism in general.

Stay tuned for some of my contributions!

Letters to Littles, March 2012

This is my first post for the blog carnival "Letters to Littles". This is a blog carnival that encourages bloggers to write letters to their young chldren about their shared lives in the moment. A snapshot in time is thereby captured, a memory or two, and something of value is created for posterity. Well, lets hope my contribution can be that profound, anyway!


I am excited to make this a semi-regular feature on Witch Mom. What a great idea! When I created the semi-regular feature "Watching My Son Grow" I was thinking it could also do the same thing, but I like this format better, I think.




Dear Rowan,

When Nanny and Pap Pap came to visit with Oscar and
Felix, you played in their crates all day!

I have no idea how old you will be when you get to read this, but I hope that you can come back to this blog again and again and read all about you, me, and our family. Our family is a little (ahem) unique and I want to document this grand experiment we are calling The Kunning Family.


At this writing, you are two years and almost two months old. You just really "got" the concept of what birthdays are this last time and now you want to open every box and package that comes (hoping it is a present). Your second birthday was spent in Appalachia, surrounded by family and friends from the UU church there. 


We now are getting a new start in Columbus and you are already crushed out on the neighbor girl, Madda. You ask for her almost every day and follow her around like a puppy when you are together. It is pretty cute. A bit ago, we got library cards and now we go to the library once a week to get new books. Our local branch also has a playground behind it, so our Monday outings are super fun for you.


We started attending a new UU church too- and there a few kids in the nursery for you to get to know. So Sundays are fun for you, too- and you ask to go to church on other days of the week.

At the park behind the library

The weather has been unpredictable and kinda crappy (it IS March), but as soon as it warms up, we are going to be taking regular walks to get to know our neighborhood. We will also be volunteering in the community garden, joining the Y, making regular trips to the zoo, and going outside to play more. I can't wait to start exploring our new city and life with you!


While you are "too young" for school, I have been working with you anyway. You are amazing- your vocabulary is extensive, you can count to 12, and you know most of your letters already. You tell stories (to us, to your toys, to the birds) and listen attentively when we read to you. I am blown away at how smart you are and how your personality is already your own.


You have this amazing smile that we call your "Cholla smile" you started smiling that way, with all your teeth exposed like a predator, the corners of your eyes crinkled in delight after visiting Auntie Cholla and seeing her smile and laugh. You like to make people laugh and perform constantly. I would not be surprised if you became a thespian. When you act out and need to get a time out, you go-to defense is "funny? laughin'?" hoping that if you make us laugh you will avoid discipline.

Snuggling after a long day.

You are in your in your own room with your own big boy bed now, and the transition has not been as hard as I thought it would be (for you, anyway). Sometimes, when you wake upset in the middle of the night, I am more than OK getting into bed with you to snuggle, even though we are sharing a twin bed. When you put your nose against mine and say "I love you, mommy" in the dark, it more than makes up for my loss of sleep. (But can I say that I feel so much more energetic and happy to play with you today, because I got a full night's sleep? Hint hint.)


You talk non-stop. I remember when you were very little, your father and I would talk about how we could not wait until you were old enough to talk and tell us what you are thinking and feeling. Now sometimes, we would love to have 10 minutes of silence! whether or not we will ever get it again, you are a free spirit that loves life and I am so proud to be your mom.


Your hair is almost down to the small of your back now. We have never cut it, and when we ask you if you want it cut (because you HATE when we brush it) you tell us no. So we have not cut it and will not until you want us to.


In closing, I just want to remind you that I love you, you are my favorite person in the whole world, and I can't wait to see what comes next. Together!


Love, Mama

Book Sharing Monday: My First Ramadan and Night of the Mooon

While I have done book reviews in the past and will continue to do so, I am excited that a group of attachment parents are all doing the same thing, on Mondays. This new blog carnival, Book Sharing Mondays, is something I look forward to participating in every so often! While I will keep the same format as my previous book reviews, I hope that my reviews will gain a wider audience by participating.

This time, I have two books on the same subject to review: Night of the Moon (by Hena Khan and Julie Paschkis) and My First Ramadan (by Karen Katz).

My First Ramadan

I was delighted to find these two books at my local Columbus Library, in both the kids section AND the parenting section. As a parent who is raising my son in a specific (minority) religion, I still think it is important for him to learn about all the peoples of the world and what they believe as well. This, I believe, will help him become a decent world citizen. So these books I believe are important for all children.

I am ashamed to admit that I knew precious little about Islam and the holy month of Ramadan (much less Eid al-Fitr) when I read these picture books, aimed at children. I knew that daytime fasting took place for a whole month, and that was about it. These books taught me a whole lot and I would heartily recommend them to both Muslim parents hoping to find picture books that illustrate their culture as well and non-Muslim parents like me, who want their children well-versed on the peoples of the world.

In Night of the Moon, the main character, Yasmeen, tells her story of following the moon's first crescent in the month of Ramadan, and how her family and community celebrate it. She talks about the parties, feasts, and celebrations that happen with friends and family, at the mosque, and her community center.

She learns from her parents and grandparents the meaning of Ramadan and Eid al-Fitr (which is the holiday immediately following Ramadan). This book is gorgeously illustrated and comes with a small summary of the holidays and a glossary of terms for those first encountering Ramadan and its meanings (like me!).

The book portrays all kinds of Muslims all over the world- different nationalities and ethnicities and people practicing different cultural expressions of Islam- for example, some women wear headscarves in their everyday lives while others do not.

In My First Ramadan, the target audience is more narrow- I think the book works best for ages 2-7, whereas the previous book would work for a broader age group. In My First Ramadan, I also learned several new things about Islam and Ramadan and the pronunciations are in the book for the unfamiliar words- so helpful!

The family in My First Ramadan is a bit more Orthodox than in the first book. The women wear headscarves and worship at the mosque in separate rooms. The family is pretty heteronormative in the gender roles- mother always cooks, father always leads the prayers. I bring this up because it was not gendered like this in the first book, and the culture kind of squicked me, personally. I still think the book is a good resource, and if I continue to use it, I would point these things out to my son and ask open-ended questions about them, rather than letting the gendered assumptions sit there without comment.

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Formal Ratings:

Title: Night of the Moon
Author: Hena Khan and Julie Paschkis
Publisher: Chronicle Kids
Price: $16.99 USD
ISBN: 978-0-8118-6062-8

Topics Covered: Islam, Muslims, Ramadan, Eid-al-Fitr

Target Audience: children ages 2-10

Witch Mom Rating: Three Hats

This book is an amazing resource for all kids, regardless of religion. I learned a whole heck of a lot from reading it, and it will do a great job of teaching your kids about Ramadan and Eid al-Fitr, as well as Islam in general.

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Title: My First Ramadan
Author: Karen Katz
Publisher: Henry Holt and Company
Price: $14.95 USD
ISBN: 978-0-8050-7894-7

Topics Covered: Islam, Muslims, Ramadan, Eid-al-Fitr

Target Audience: children ages 2-7

Witch Mom Rating: Two and a Half Hats

This book is also a great book on these two major Muslim holy days and would serve children well, regardless of religion. I learned a few more items by reading this book after the first one (above), but feel that it is less informative after reading Night of the Moon. This book also contains more heteronormative gender roles than the first book, as I explained above.

Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parental Disagreements

Welcome to the February 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Respectful Interactions With Other Parents
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have focused on how we can communicate with other parents compassionately.
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Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Respectful Interactions with Other Parents. 

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants are

 focusing on how we can communicate with other parents compassionately. Share your tips, challenges, or experiences with communicating nonviolently during disagreements, commenting or communicating without being judgmental, or responding when you feel judged or criticized.

 Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Baby wearing? Isn't that dangerous?

Most people that adhere to natural parenting ideas such as co-sleeping, no (or delayed) vaccinations, no circumcision, baby led weaning, and the like meet with everything from puzzled looks to outright hostility from others, especially other parents. I am no exception- especially when you combine natural parenting with a minority religion that is deeply misunderstood, a family that is not exactly "normal", and my outspoken politics- and well, I get disagreed with a lot. I expect people to say things about my religion, my politics, and my even my relationships. While I don't welcome it, I do expect it. I even expect it from relatives. But the comments about my parenting surprised me.


After all, I am a dedicated mom who is doing a great job most of the time*. My son is healthy and thriving and ahead developmentally of most of his peers (he just turned two and is counting to ten, learning the alphabet, knows his colors and numbers, can speak in 4-5 word sentences, can tell me what he is feeling (the latest new named emotion is "excited"!). He is happy, loved and has never been struck. We are teaching him to be respectful, polite, and empathetic. I have done research every step of the way and all my decisions that affect his future have been weighed carefully, never made on a whim or without information.

Why don't you dress him "like a boy?"

Yet it seems that everyone seems to think that they can do a great job parenting your kid(s), especially if they are parents themselves. "Advice" lurks everywhere, whether you ask for it or not- and that's when the "feedback" is not overtly hostile. Many times people take your parenting choices as a threat to theirs- because they have chosen differently, they feel defensive (even when you are not on the offensive).


My goal, when confronted with other people's values about how I should raise my son, is to first protect my son, second, not let it ruin my day, then and only then possibly educate others. Depending on the circumstance ad context, I take a variety of tactics with other parents:


1. Asking questions. When someone make a comment laden with assumptions (these often happen when someone hears of my decision to not vaccinate Rowan, at least for now), I try and step back and ask questions instead of reacting. If you can mold your questions to get to the heart of the assumptions made (that I am ignorant or uneducated, a dupe, dangerous to others, etc.), often people will have to start thinking and engaging in dialogue instead of speaking on auto-pilot. When a relative who works in western allopathic health care "called me out" on not vaccinating recently, I asked her if she had information that I have not read already. Then I asked her of she had read the things that I have. Turns out, I was better educated on the issue and she learned something from me!

You took him to the Queer Pride parade?

2. Humor. Nothing diffuses a tense situation like humor. When someone "girls" Rowan repeatedly, even after we refer to him in front of them with male pronouns (People just do not hear what they cannot understand, I guess. His long hair negates anything else most people see.), sometimes we make a joke out of it. I try and be educational about my remarks- letting people know in a gentle way that boys can have long hair, and that colors, patterns, clothing, and hairstyles do not actually "have gender".


3. Pointed remarks. When my son is experiencing an overload of emotions (often called a tantrum by others), particularly in public, we often will get dirty looks or remarks about how I don't have "control" of my son. Or we get looks, sighs, or comments in restaurants that say, "This is very disruptive to our lives". To my mind, it is not my son that is the problem. The problem is a culture that assumes adults have more rights than kids, and assumes that children should do exactly what the adults around want. I usually say something like, "I'm sorry my son's emotions are inconvenient for you." While that could sound snarky, I say it in such an "innocent", pleasant way that most people smile and nod, until they take in what exactly I said. By then, we are usually gone.

4. Silence. Often I let the remarks slide. If I do not think the person is open or receptive enough to dialogue, I let it pass. After all, these remarks are not even about me as a parent or my son as a child. They only reflect the insecurities and mindset of the person and I choose not to take them personally.

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*While that sounds arrogant, it's not. Stating things you know to be true and taking pride in your accomplishments is never arrogant. Women especially are told never to do this and I do not agree with that "ideal". 

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 14 with all the carnival links.)

• How to Respond Respectfully to Unwanted Parenting Advice and Judgment — At Natural Parents Network, Amy (of Peace 4 Parents) offers some ways to deal with parenting advice and criticism, whether it's from your mom or the grocery store clerk.
• Judgement is Natural - Just Don't Condemn — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shared her views on why judgment is unavoidable and why the bigger issue is condemnation.
• Four Ways To Share Your Parenting Philosophy Gently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares tips for communicating with fellow parents in a positive, peaceful manner.
• When Other Parents Disagree With You — Being an attachment parent is hard enough, but when you are Lily, aka Witch Mom, someone who does not enforce gender roles on her kid, who devalues capitalism and materialism, and instead prefers homeschooling and homesteading — you are bound to disagree with someone, somewhere!
• Mama Bashing — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on the hurt caused on the blogosphere by mama bashing and pleads for a more mindful way of dealing with differences.
• Accentuate the Positive — Joella at Fine and Fair shares how she manages interactions with the parents she encounters in her work as a Parent Coach and Substance Abuse Counselor by building trusting relationships and affirming strengths.
• The politics of mothers – keys to respectful interactions with other parents — Tara from MUMmedia offers great tips for handling the inevitable conflict of ideas and personalities in parenting/mother's groups, etc.
• Trying to build our village — Sheila at A Gift Universe tells how she went from knowing no other moms in her new town to building a real community of mothers.
• Internet Etiquette in the Mommy Wars — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how she handles heated topics in the "Mommy-space" online.
• Parenting with Convictions — Sarah at Parenting God's Children encourages love and support for fellow parents and their convictions.
• How To Be Respectful Despite Disagreeing On Parenting Styles... — Jenny at I'm a Full-Time Mummy shares her two cents' worth on how to have respectful interactions with other parents despite disagreeing on parenting styles.
• Public Relations — Momma Jorje touches on keeping the peace when discussing parenting styles.
• Navigating Parenting Politics — Since choosing an alternative parenting style means rejecting the mainstream, Miriam at The Other Baby Book shares a few simple tips that can help avoid hurt feelings.
• Hiding in my grace cave — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to forget that not all parents are as respectful and tolerant as the people with whom she now surrounds herself.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting - Respectful Interactions with Other Parents — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles explores how her attitude has changed regarding sharing information and opinions with others and how she now chooses to keep the peace during social outings.
• Empathy and respect — Helen at zen mummy tries to find her zen in the midst of the Mummy Wars.
• Not Holier Than Thou — Amyables at Toddler in Tow muses about how she's learned to love all parents, despite differences, disagreements, and awkward conversations.
• Nonviolent Communication and Unconditional Love — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment reflects on the choice to not take offense as the key to honest and open communication.
• Respectful Parenting As a Way of Life — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes about using her parenting philosophy as a guide to dealing with other parents who make very different choices from her.
• Homeschooling: Why Not? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how parents can often make homeschooling work for their family even if, at first glance, it may seem daunting.
• If You Can’t Say Something Nice… — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her philosophy for online and offline interactions … a philosophy based primarily on a children’s movie.
• Different Rules for Different Families — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how differences between families affect our children, and how that can be a good thing.
• Respectful Interaction With Other Parents — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares the ways she surrounds herself with a like-minded support network, so that she can gently advocate in her dealings with those whose opinions on parenting differ vastly from her own.
• Parenting as a mirror — Rather than discrediting others' parenting styles, Kate Wicker discusses why she tries to focus on doing right rather than being right — and why she’s also not afraid to show others that she’s a heartfelt but imperfect mama just trying to be the best mom for her family.
• The One Thing {Most} Parents Have In Common: They Try Their Best — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry finds interacting with other parents easier once she accepts that they are all just trying their best, just like her.
• Finding your mama-groove: 5 ways to eliminate judge/be judged metality — MudpieMama reveals 5 ways of thinking that have helped her find her mama-groove and better navigate tricky parenting discussions.
• Speaking Up For Those Who Can't — We've all had those moments when someone said something hurtful or insensitive, or downright rude that just shocks you to your core, and you're stunned into silence. Afterwards, you go home and think "Gosh, I wish I said…" This post by Arpita at Up Down, And Natural is for all the breastfeeding mamas who have thought "Gosh, I wish I said…"
• Thank you for your opinion — Gaby at Tmuffin shares her go-to comment when she feels like others are judging her parenting style.
• Mending — A playground conversation about jeans veers off course until a little mending by Kenna at Million Tiny Things is needed.
• The Thing You Don't Know — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about what she believes is one of the most important things you can consider when it comes to compassionate communication with other parents.
• 3 Tips for Interacting with Other Parents Respectfully When You Disagree with Them — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about respectful interactions on her parenting journey.
• Peacefully Keeping My Cool: Quotes from Ana — How do you keep your cool? Ana from Pandamoly shares some of her favorite retorts and conversation starters when her Parenting Ethos comes into question.
• Kind Matters — Carrie at Love Notes Mama discusses how she strives to be the type of person she'd want to meet.
• Doing it my way but respecting your highway. — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle is determined to walk with her family on the road less travelled whether you like it or not!
• Saying "I'm Right and You're Wrong" Seldom Does Much To Improve Your Cause... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how living by example motivates her actions and interactions with others.
• Have another kid and you won't care — Cassie of There's a Pickle in My Life, after having her second child, knows exactly how to respond to opposing advice.
• Ten Tips to Communicate Respectfully, Even When You Disagree — What if disagreements with our partners, our children or even complete strangers ultimately led to more harmony and deeper connections? They can! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares ten tips to strengthen our relationships in the midst of conflict.
• A Little Light Conversation — Zoie at TouchstoneZ explains why respect needs to be given to every parent unconditionally.
• Why I used to hide the formula box — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen finally talks about how judgement between parents changed her views on how she handles differences in parenting.
• Assumptions — Nada at minimomist discusses how not everyone is able to nurse, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
• Shushing Your Inner Judgey McJudgerson — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction knows that judging others is easy to do, but recognizing that we all parent from different perspectives takes work.
• Respectfully Interacting with Others Online — Lani at Boobie Time Blog discusses the importance of remaining respectful behind the disguise of the internet.
• Presumption of Good Will — Why — and how — Crunchy Con Mommy is going to try to assume the best of people she disagrees with on important issues.
• Being Gracious with Parenting Advice — Tips for giving and receiving parenting advice with grace from Lisa at My World Edenwild.
• Explain, Smile, Escape — Don't know what to do when you're confronted by another parent who disagrees with you? Amy at Anktangle shares a story from her life along with a helpful method for navigating these types of tricky situations (complete with a handy flow chart!).
• Balancing Cultures and Choices — Dulce de leche discusses the challenges of walking the tightrope between generations while balancing cultural and family ties.
• Linky - Parenting Peacefully with Social Media — Hannabert's Mom discusses parenting in a social media world.

New 2012 Schedule for Witch Mom

With a new life in Columbus comes a new rhythm for everything- including blogging! I have decided to make regular features on days of the week. This does not mean that there will be a blog post every day, but rather, if a blog post appears, it will have a certain theme because of the day.

Mondays are Natural Living Mondays! 
A post on Monday will include sustainability, eco-conscious frugal living, natural parenting, DIY and reclamation, homesteading and putting things by, and much more!

Mondays will be part of a blog hop hosted by the Natural Parenting Group, of which I am a member (on the forum and among the writers of articles). So a Monday post would be part of this blog hop.

Wednesdays are Witchy Wednesdays!
This day will be dedicated to articles about Witchcraft theology, Craft work (divination, spellwork, oracular work, herbalism and green Witchery), gods and goddesses, devotional work, ancestor work, sabbats and esbats- and all things Witchy.

Fridays are Homeschooling Fridays! This is where I not only talk about Rowan and I learning together but also the multi-religious, multi-cultural, social justice focused curriculum that I am developing for my master's degree.

The other days of the week will have random and occasional posts including guest posts and interviews (including my upcoming series on pagans/polytheists/pantheists of color), blog carnival submissions including the Carnival of Natural Parenting, links to things I deem important, politics, events, and timely issues as they occur. Hope you enjoy!

Carnival of Natural Parenting: Money Matters

Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Money Matters
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how finances affect their parenting choices. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Dr. Cornel West, occupying Wall Street

I hate money.  I know all the self-help gurus tell me I need to cultivate a "healthy, respectful relationship with money" if I ever hope to make peace with it and make a decent living, but that's a load of crap, as far as I'm concerned. It assumes that nothing in the world will ever change- that we will live in a capitalist, exploitative society forever where most people work hard and get scraps. The fact is, I hate the whole system. The fact that it seems to be going down the tubes right now, while scary in the short term is probably the best thing for the vast majority of people.

Wall Street Occupiers.

I struggle to make ends meet, like most of us (some of us more than others). I am in grad school and my partner has been unemployed for three plus years, like many folks across the country. We have a toddler to support and raise. How do we do it? We get food stamps and other assistance in addition to my financial aid. It's not glamorous* and it doesn't pay all the bills each and every month. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. I would rather my taxes pay for helping hungry people than killing people abroad. I say my taxes because I paid more in the last two years than Bank of America. (See what I mean about hating money? Click here to change where your money is kept and who gets access to it.)

How do we do it? We are currently staying with my partner's parents (also very unglamorous) while my partner finds a job in Columbus. Once he does, we will move there and be self-sufficient. Some of my less-frequent readers may not know that we moved from the (very expensive!) Bay Area last month in order to get our finances in order, as well as make deeper connections with family (Rowan's grandparents love that they get to spend so much time with him now). We were able to put much needed money into our aging car and pay off bills because we are not paying rent. I am ever-so-grateful to them for opening their home and hearts to us and allowing us to make a new start in a new (more affordable) state.

I moved to Ohio, gleefully and gladly, for my son's future. It will be easier here. Family to help with child care, cousins to play with, a lower cost of living, and cheaper homes when the time comes for us to settle down and buy a place. This is the one thing I wish we had the money for now- a down payment on a home with a small parcel of land to homestead upon. I yearn for things that are not luxuries- instead, they smack of stability, tradition, and finally a place to call HOME.

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Anyone who talks about people "sitting on their butt and collecting welfare" (and being able to actually live with a roof over their heads, feed their family, and have a phone and transportation like everyone else) doesn't know what they are talking about. 

There is not a state in the United States that allows people to stay at home and collect welfare anymore. All recipients are required to report to a "job center" and put in 40 hours a week of resume prep, job hunting, and workshop attendance until a job is found. And no job can be refused (no matter the hours and if it works for your family or the pay), or welfare benefits will stop (most do anyway- once someone starts making minimum wage). 

My schooling, which applied towards these required hours in California- do not count in Ohio. Ohio is a state that would rather see people languish in minimum wage jobs for a lifetime, creating a permanent underclass of people, rather than allow them to get job training or attend school and lift themselves out of poverty. To get cash aid of $500 per month, they want BOTH of us to report to a job center for 40 hours a week and place our son in daycare (which we cannot afford). So we declined cash assistance from Ohio. Pray or light a candle for us that my partner finds a job soon.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon October 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Money Matter$ — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her experiences on several ways to save money as a parent.
• A different kind of life... — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her utopian life and how it differs from her current one!
• Show Me The Money! — Arpita of Up, Down & Natural shares her experience of planning for parenting costs while also balancing the financial aspect of infertility treatments.
• Material v Spiritual Wealth - Living a Very Frugal Life with Kids — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares her family's realizations about the differences between material and spiritual wealth.
• If I Had a Money Tree — Sheila at A Gift Universe lists the things she would buy for her children if money were no object.
• Financial Sacrifices, Budgets, and the Single Income Family — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at the importance of living within your means, the basics of crafting a budget, and the "real cost" of working outside of the home.
• Overcoming My Fear of All Things Financial — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares how she is currently overcoming her fear of money and trying to rectify her ignorance of all things financial.
• Confessions of a Cheapskate — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that her cheapskate tendencies that were present pre-motherhood only compounded post-baby.
• Money Matters — Witch Mom hates money; here's why.
• Money? What Money?! — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts describes how decisions she's made have resulted in little income, yet a green lifestyle for her and her family.
• What matters. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life wishes parenting through play was her only responsibility during the day.
• Making Ends Meet — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares about being a working mom and natural parent.
• Poor People, Wealthy Ways — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses how existing on very little money allows her to set an example of how to live conscientiously and with love.
• The Green Stuff — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares how natural parenting has bettered her budget - and her perspective on creating and mothering.
• Jemma's Money — Take a sneak peek at That Mama Gretchen's monthly budget and how Jemma fits into it.
• 5 Tips for How to Save Time and Money by Eating Healthier — Family meal prep can be expensive and time-consuming without a plan! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips for how to make your cooking life (and budget) easier.
• Belonging in the Countryside — Lack of money led Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales towards natural parenting, but it also heeds her from realizing her dream.
• Total Disclosure and Total Reform — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl gets down to the nitty gritty of her money problems with hopes that you all can help her get her budget under control.
• Save Money by Using What You Have — Gaby at Tmuffin is only good with money because she's lazy, has trouble throwing things away, and is indecisive. Here are some money-saving tips that helped her manage to quit her job and save enough money to become a WAHM.
• Two Hippos & Ten Euros: A Lesson in Budgeting — MudpieMama shares all about how her boys managed a tight budget at a recent zoo outing.
• ABBA said it — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen ponders where her family has come from, where they are now and her hopes for her children's financial future.
• Money vs. Time — Momma Jorje writes about cutting back on junk, bills, and then ultimately on income as well ~ to gain something of greater value: Time.
• An Unexpected Cost of Parenting — Moorea at MamaLady shares how medical crises changed how she feels about planning for parenthood.
• 5 Ways This Stay at Home Mom Saves Money — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares 5 self-imposed guidelines that help her spend as little money as possible.
• Frugal Parenting — Lisa at My World Edenwild shares 8 ways she saves money and enriches her family's lives at the same time.
• Conscious Cash Conscious — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares her 5 money-conscious considerations that balance her family’s joy with their eco-friendly ideals.
• Money, Sex and Having it All — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains how she's willing to give up one thing to get another. (And just for fun, she pretends to give advice on how to build capital in the bedroom.)
• Money could buy me ... a clone? — With no local family to help out, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama wants childcare so she can take care of her health.
• Spending Intentionally — CatholicMommy loves to budget! Join her to learn what to buy, what not to buy, and, most importantly, where to buy.
• New lessons from an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a follow-up guest post from Sam about the latest lessons their four-year-old's learned from having an allowance.
• How to Homeschool without Spending a Fortune — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares tips and links to many resources for saving money while homeschooling from preschool through high school.
• It's Not a Baby Crisis. It's Not Even a Professional Crisis. — Why paid maternity leave, you may ask? Rachael at The Variegated Life has some answers.
• "Making" Money — Do you like to do-it-yourself? Amy at Anktangle uses her crafty skills to save her family money and live a little greener.
• Money On My Mind — Luschka at Diary of a First Child has been thinking about money and her relationship with it, specifically how it impacts on her parenting, her parenting choices, and ultimately her lifestyle.
• Spending, Saving, and Finding a Balance — Melissa at The New Mommy Files discusses the various choices she and her family have made that affect their finances, and finds it all to be worth it in the end.
• Accounting for Taste — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares their budget and talks about how they decided food is the most important item to budget for.
• Money Matters... But Not Too Much — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting shares how her family approaches money without putting too much of a focus onto it.
• Parenting While Owning a Home Business — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Lauren at Hobo Mama lays out the pros and cons of balancing parenting with working from home.
• Crunchy Living is SO Expensive...Or Is It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about her biggest objection to natural living - and her surprise at what she learned.
• Mo' Money, Mo' Problems — Sarah at Parenting God's Children shares how a financial accountability partner changed her family's finances.
• The Importance of Food Planning — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro discusses how food budgeting and planning has helped her, even if she doesn't always do it.
• Kids & Money: Starting an Allowance for Preschoolers — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses her family's approach and experiences with starting an allowance for preschoolers.