I Am Weird.

...Or should I say Wyrd? Recently, a former professor's Facebook post and a blog post have made me decide to start a dialogue about what make us Weird.

Let's start with a definition, shall we?

weird  (wîrd)
adj. weird·er, weird·est
1. Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
2. Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
3. Archaic Of or relating to fate or the Fates.
n.
1.
a. Fate; destiny.
b. One's assigned lot or fortune, especially when evil.
2. often Weird Greek & Roman Mythology One of the Fates.
tr. & intr.v. weird·ed, weird·ing, weirds
Slang To experience or cause to experience an odd, unusual, and sometimes uneasy sensation. Often used with out.

So, I am weird in the traditional sense (as I believe I am led by old Fate herself in my spiritual path, which includes working with spirits) and in the modern slang sense- odd and unusual. I think I have always been this way (as I was always grappling with difference, even as a small child). It is only as an adult that I embrace it and live as gracefully as possible as a perpetual outsider.

Even in an outsider's religion, I am the weird one who often does not fit. My former professor (mentioned above) calls himself Khalvat Dar Anjuman on Facebook. This name is a phrase that means "in seclusion even in the midst of a crowd". As a Trad Witch, I identify with that term deeply- we Witches are always in-between, never fully in one group or even in one world. And as a person who cares deeply about religion AND politics, I identify with this term even more so in human company.

I am the one who is often "too political" for many spiritual folk and "too spiritual" for the comfort of most radical political folk that I agree with. I am often not quite *in* any community fully. I am willing to bet that there have been blog posts here or on the Witch Mom Facebook page that my readers and friends just shake their heads at- "Why is Witch Mom posting about CISPA?" or "Why is Lily so damned religious? Why does she defend other religions? Doesn't she know religion causes so many wars and problems in the world? Why does she defend belief?" To me, these issues are inextricably linked. I care deeply about our world, both human-created culture and society and nature and our connection to it. So I am the weirdo.

So what else makes me weird?

I am a Witch that believes Witchcraft is not for everyone. I am not selling Witchcraft to the highest bidder, nor am I teaching for money to spread the gospel of my views hither and yon. I am not wanting to be a BNP (Big Name Pagan) and build myself up as celebrity or guru.

I am an anarchist. This means that I believe in people working together in small groups to govern themselves as collectives, coops, organizations that use direct democracy, households and what have you. I believe that governments are too large to really incorporate democracy and so what we have settled for is representation (that doesn't actually represent us anymore). I am a socialist when it comes to large projects that affect us all (like health care and education and possibly food production on a small scale). I am a communist when it comes to how I want to belong to any group- be it a household, project, or neighborhood. All of these definitions fall under anarchy. Your mileage may vary.

I am a parent who believes in cultivating a free thinking questioning child, not a blindly obedient one. When my child is not listening to me and not doing what I ask, I talk to him in terms of cooperation, not obedience. When he gets time outs, it is because "Anti-social people often end up alone. No one wants to be around them." Hitting and name calling is anti-social, and he is isolated in that case because it is a natural consequence of his behavior. I do not indoctrinate my child with ideas about gender, either. We watch media together and talk about what he sees. He naturally eschews media violence, as I naturally did as a kid. I think he is highly empathic (as I was).

I am polyamorous. This means I think that I am wired to be in multiple loving relationships simultaneously. Unlike some poly folk, I do not believe that this makes me superior to monogamous people. I think poly is a wiring issue, much like other kinds of sexual orientation. It is just IS. Some people are mono, others are poly. There should be no moralizing around the issue.

I am queer. For me, this means that I am attracted to people, whether they are male, female, or other. I am highly selective and persnickety, so I am not attracted to everyone, but if you look at my relationships, you will wonder what my "type" is. It's hard to tell from appearances and identities of my partners. Truth be told, I am sapiosexual, and passion, intellect, and humor are the things that attract me. My partner (also a poly queer Witch) and I are often mistaken for a nuclear monogamous heterosexual family. People can think what they wish- but we are not.

From http://saratoday.wordpress.com/

I do not consume as much as many Americans and desire to consume less. I wish to live sustainably and small. A tiny house or even a converted bus or vardo are things that I fantasize about almost daily. I covet solar panels, compost toilets, and a scrap of land to grow upon. I would love to travel the world with my son, healing people in exchange for food. I would also love to grow a lot of my own medicine and food and raise bees and make medicine for my community (have started that one already!) I have purged most of my possessions and will do another purge before we leave Ohio in an attempt to be more minimal. What do I need? This question is not the same as "What do I want?"

I have a driving passion to heal and create beauty. I am going to learn acupuncture and TCM because I want to add that modality to the my healing skills of energy healing and western herbalism that I already have at my disposal. I craft, do DIY, and make art. I do this because I must.

What makes you Weird?

Mother's Day

Julia Ward Howe first proposed a "mother's peace day" in 1870 with her "Mother's Day Proclamation", below.

She was a wife and mother in a suppressive marriage and witnessed atrocities of the Civil War. It was her belief that women should have more social responsibility beyond tending to her husband, and she used her gift of pose to spread this message:

Arise, then, women of this day!

Arise, all women who have hearts,

Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,

Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.

Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn

All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country

To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.

It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."

Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.

As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,

Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means

Whereby the great human family can live in peace,

Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,

But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask

That a general congress of women without limit of nationality

May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient

And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,

To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,

The amicable settlement of international questions,

The great and general interests of peace.

Why Do We Hate Children So Much (Links)?

After being a parent for several years, I can only conclude that our culture hates children.

Some adults ignore my son when he tries to talk to them. He looks at me, bewildered and says, "They're not answering, mommy." I shoot them a glare and say pointedly, "Yes honey- some people are just rude."

Some adults roll their eyes if Rowan's emotions run away with him and he is loud about it (He is learning how to be in control of himself- but it is a process that requires practice. No one is born with it). These adults are the same adults who do not want to be in close quarters (airplanes, elevators, restaurants) with him and freak not-so-subtly when he arrives.

The world includes humans of all ages, and I call bullshit on this artificial construct of being in "adult only" space we have created.

Below are four links that speak to this topic.

What is "adult privilege"?

How other cultures raise infants and children and why ours is so problematic.

Adult privilege run amok makes family travel a nightmare.

Expectations of public behavior are often stacked against children and those that are different than the political norm.

Silence, Simplicity, and Solitude: A Way to Focus Within (In Preparation for Meeting Your Fetch)

In our culture, we are driven to distraction by almost everything. We are constantly asked to give up silence in exchange for constant chatter- background music or talking, traffic noises, social media pinging our phones and who knows what other complications.

We are rarely alone, even if we live alone. We often make these choices ourselves: we see being alone as a failure (why wouldn't you want to be among friends or others if you could- does it mean you are unloved?) or fearing what feelings might arise if we don't have the chatter of company. This is not meaninful connection- it is mere distraction. We are not fully present with one another and having a meaningful exchange- it is mere habit and diversion from inward processes.

We cannot even go somewhere alone without interruption: stores have music soundtracks and announcements, people wish to engage our attention everywhere, and we must constantly focus outwardly to keep our bodies safe (from traffic, from others, from running into things).

These outward distractions serve to lull us into a kind of sleep. It is the sleep of constantly looking outward and focusing on anything but ourselves and our parts. It is the sleep of an automaton- someone who doesn't really think about much other than surface things throughout the day. People who live like this all the time are what I call sleepers. Witches are not sleepers- they cannot function properly* when constantly distracted. Witches function when they can access all their parts at any time and use them to optimum effect. This cannot happen when in beta brain activity all the time.

BETA WAVES - 14Hz to 20Hz. Beta waves are associated with normal waking consciousness. They are present when you are focused on activities in the outside world.

ALPHA WAVES - 8Hz to 13Hz. Alpha waves are likened to a light 

meditation. They are prevalent when you daydream. They will 

become stronger when your eyes are closed. 

THETA WAVES - 4Hz to 7Hz. Theta waves occur during heightened 

states of creativity and are found with a deep meditative state. 

DELTA WAVES - .5Hz to 3Hz. Delta waves are found in a deep sleep 

state or unconsciousness. Also, Delta waves are common in very 

deep meditation.

Distractions and allowing yourself to fall into routines of distraction keep you in beta- not allowing for the other three patterns that are associated with Witchy work. Beta does not allow the self work and inward focus that is required of a novice working to prepare themselves for a life of service that -is- the Craft. In order to function in a Witchy (sorcerous and shamanic) capacity, you need to be able to be in contact with your Fetch- which cannot happen when we are constantly distracting ourselves with others, media, and shiny things- in other words, being in beta.

What is a Witch to do to achieve other states?

First, We must identify what distracts us. One exercise is to take an audit of our week. How many times do you look at a screen each day (mobile phone, computer, television, etc.)? How many of them were absolutely necessary for your livelihood (survival) and how many were just distractions?

How many times are we alone- with no other company (including partners, children, and other people we live with)? Are you -ever- alone? Are you only alone in the bathroom and a car? A car cannot count, as you must focus outwardly on traffic to survive. Bathroom could count as being alone, though!

How many times do you seek out silence- both in yourself (you not speaking to or focusing on others) and in your environment (turning everything off and being in quiet isolation)?

How many times did you purchase or receive something unnecessary for your survival? “Shiny things” can serve as a distraction as much as noise and people can. Some people distract themselves with these kinds of purchases all the time.

Once you get a general idea of what your obstacles are, you need to implement the three S's: silence, solitude, and simplicity.

Silence: I prefer to focus on “necessary speech” rather than a "complete and utter silence" exercise. This allows you to function at work and constantly T.H.I.N.K. about what you are about to say (Thoughtful, Helpful, Informative, Necessary, Kind). Rather than not speaking at all (which could relieve some types of all responsibility of analyzing their patterns (Such as wearing a sign that says, “Sorry, I am not allowed to speak right now”.), the T.H.I.N.K. model makes a Witch constantly look to her ideas and actions and it provides greater insight into how often unnecessary speech occurs. I recommend starting with the practice for a week and increasing the commitment from there. Eventually, we want to get to the life choice that all speech is necessary and none is superfluous. (Easier said than done!) Be critical- you need to be able to be honest with yourself if you spoke unnecessarily and not justify it. Are you ready for radical but compassionate honesty with yourself?

Simplicity: fast from purchases (other than food) for an entire month. Do this while actually actively “window shopping” at places you love to frequent. While this may sound like punishment, I assure you it is not. Allow yourself to feel the longing of possession and let it wash through and over you. Revel in the beauty of said object and “consume” its beauty with your senses without acquiring it. The goal here is appreciating beauty without the need of possessing it. Once we can master such a skill, it applies to the world in general. Sleepers have divorced themselves from the rest of creation- thinking themselves isolated, separate, and often “in charge” of the rest of creation. Witches know that we are all one and a part of all creation. Possession of anything is, in fact, a lie. Once we master our desires for “things” we can master our thoughts of “control over” others.

Do not misunderstand me: being a Witch (instead of an ascetic in another religion) does not mean we must deny ourselves pleasure and beauty. These are temporary exercises putting you in the right frame of mind. They are not to deny you anything- they are actually offering you different worldviews to the tired capitalist patriarchal model of possession of beauty instead.

Solitude: To be effective, a Witch simply must have solitude regularly. That is the only way spirits, gods, and other beings will be able to communicate with us.** Often, the only time a Witch is alone is in Dream. This is simply not enough. Setting aside time for nature walks, a sitting practice, and just being alone with no media (not even a book) is paramount. Ideally, this would happen every day- but it is understandable for those of us with partners and families that this could be difficult. But it needs to happen regularly- several times a week at a minimum. What can you do to ensure that this time is available to you?

---

*Witch is a job title, not an identity (although Witches identify so strongly with their function that they cannot help seeing the world in a different way than most sleepers- which cause people to confuse it with an identity instead of a job).

**Often, we assume a voice we "hear" is a spirit or god, but it actually a part of us (and not necessarily a part we should be listening to!) because we simply canot access the brain states to hear them. And even if they manage to get through the chatter of beta brain- think about how many more messages we would be getting if we shut off monkey mind more often!

Why I am not a Pagan

While I know many of my readers identify with the term "pagan", many of you may be surprised to know that I do not. I have used it as "cultural shorthand" at different times (online and in person), but I am finding the term less and less useful.

What do I mean?

1. "Pagan" is meaningless.

Historically, it just means "country dweller" and as most pagans are actually urban or suburban folk, the term isn't being used accurately.

Currently, the term is used to define... who? The more you try and pinpoint what "pagan" means and who is and is not included, the term becomes less and less useful. When it comes right down to it, it does not mean anything other than what we are NOT. We are not in an Abrahamic religion. So what?
And that makes the term as reactionary and useless as atheist. (Atheists have a word to describe them which does not define them and what they stand for- it only defines them in relation to others and what they are NOT.)

So now we have Christian pagans, atheist pagans, and who knows what other flavor. As I say, the term is meaningless. There is no belief system or anything that actually defines what we are.

2. Not all pagans do this, but since there is no code of conduct or agreed upon rules "pagans" often are very appropriative of other people's religions- cherry picking bits that "resonate" with them, and leaving other important context, history, and hard-work bits aside. It lends itself to a flavor du jour ethos that can border on racism (depending on the trad currently being cherry-picked).

3. Tribe and kin are important to me- so are keeping secrets and oaths that protect those folks. Some of the pagans that I have met do not have oaths to honor, nor do many seem to care about your oaths. I have heard eclectic pagans chastise people with traditions and secrecy as being "elitist" (as if we are required to share with anyone who asks!).

4. I have also people defend their eclectism and general paganry as "finding their path". But to be honest, when you cherry pick, you tend to only be attracted to things within your comfort zone and eschew other things that are more challenging and difficult. This is NOT spiritual growth. It's actually the opposite. Comfort and attraction are not the goal of spirituality and religion.

So how do you identify? I am a Witch. And there are more specific definitions than that, of course. But that requires and in-person conversation over tea! If you identify as pagan, how do you define that term (for yourself and others)?