Religious Tourism

My child has been going with me on field trips to other religions' houses of worship lately, because I teach "Neighboring Faiths" at the local UU to middle schoolers. Last week, we went to a Catholic mass.

I personally was admiring how everyone was on the same page with the hymns, call and response, and how beautiful the sanctuary art was. Mass ritual can be so soothing, you know?

Meanwhile, Rowan was confused and upset. We had some talk while we were there that had to be tabled for a larger discussion at home because I did not want to be a bad guest to our hosts.

Things my little witchlet did not understand or like:

1. "Why do they have dead Jesus everywhere? Doesn't that hurt their feelings? Doesn't that celebrate his death instead of his life?"

I had to explain that Jesus was the Christian version of the divine kings who were king for a year, and sacrificed in the summer to create good crops for the people. It was his role to die. God made Jesus so that he could be sacrificed for the people. Except in the Christian version, it's not about fertility and abundance, it's about this idea of "sin" and "forgiveness". (For the record, he doesn't like the pagan version of the divine king story either.)

2. Which led to more conversations about sin and forgiveness. I told Rowan that Christians believe that you have to say that Jesus is your savior to be forgiven for bad things that you do. That everyone does bad things, but you have to make that statement before you die to go to heaven. Otherwise, you will go to hell. I explained the Christian ideas of heaven and hell to him and he thought their God was mighty unfair. "Their God can forgive people at any time, but he makes them do that or he punishes them?"

I told him yes, their god had a lot of rules including not working with any other Gods besides him. So if he were a Christian, he would have to say everyone else's Gods were fake and wrong and only work with God and Jesus. He thought that was prejudiced. He also was confused how Christians become good people if all they do is follow rules and not think for themselves.

I explained that value was not placed on that idea- we, as Witches place value on that idea. But many Christians was Christians to be sheep and follow their leader. That we are more like goats than sheep.

I also explained that god sent lots of punishments to non-believers and tests to his followers, not just when they die- it's a lifelong thing. I explained plagues and the story of Isaac. He was very upset and thinks that the Christian God is a jerk now. He is mad that kids at school who are Christian spout some of the things that they do (going to hell comments), especially now that he understand the context better. He thinks those kids are now "God's bullies".

3. I explained that Mary (the church was named after Mary) was Jesus' mom. He did not know that, and had questions. "So Mary was married to their God?". My response: "No, Mary was married to a man named Joseph." Rowan: "But Mary had a baby with God instead of Joseph?" I laughed and told him he knows many people that have had babies without being married or while being partnered with more than one person. (We know many poly people or people unmarried with kids.) Me: "Well, she did not plan it, God put baby Jesus inside her." Rowan: "She didn't know? HOW IS THAT NOT RAPE?" (At this point, we had to table the conversation to after church, as to not be offensive and disruptive guests.

I mean, the kid has a point of course. I have thought all of these things and rejected Christianity because of them as well. But the kid has to live in a majority Christian world and be OK with others having these ideas.

Teaching Children the Craft: Every Friday

Every Friday, before "Friday Family Fun Night", we do a Red Meal with Rowan.
This is a rite where we make offerings to the gods of our Craft and the ancestors/Fae. We can ask for blessings, protection, or gifts for ourselves or others at this time or simply make the offering.
We do this at a tree in our backyard.

Getting ready for the rite.

Hootie the owl is joining us.

So is his "owl nut".

Outside, ready to begin.

Simple.

Enlivening the area.

Until the horn cup gets a stand, we use the tree itself!

Afterwards, Rowan wrapped his owl nut in a leaf "like Totoro" and placed it on his altar.

After this rite, we go inside and start Friday Family Fun Night. My partner wrote a poem we recite (below), we light a candle, and spend time as a family. Sometimes we go out, but mostly we stay in and play games, watch movies, have dance parties, or do puzzles. It is needed decompression time. We touch base as a family unit and stop all work. In this way, it's like shabbat in the Jewish tradition.

---

All week long we toil toil

Weaving, spinning, singing, growing
So we set the cauldron to boil

And pour it out, Love ever-flowing

When Frigg's Eve comes,
one out of seven
Our work we set aside
And together, Kunnings Three, at home we do reside.

Hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart
we set the lights to mark its start:
Friday Family Fun Night!!!! (chanted over and over, usually holding hands and stomping a lot)

Everyday Witchcraft: Making Offerings

Often in the past, the basic forms of Witchery escaped me as I pursued a busy (mundane) life. Not so now that I am raising a Witchlet. He reminds me to slow down, maintain rituals, and teach him about the worlds in the process.

One such practice is making offerings. We have three altars downstairs onto which we make offerings: my patron, Lilith; Ganesh; and our beloved dead. We keep Lilith and Ganesh in the living room on the mantle, side-by-side (as weird as that juxtaposition sounds!) because in many ways, they balance one another out (and I am ever in need of balance!) in their extremes. We keep the beloved dead altar(s)* in the dining room, so they can feast with us.

Each gets offerings that they enjoy: Lilith gets suffering, spit, and booze (we also light incense for her). Ganesh gets flowers, sweets, and entheogens. And our dead get some of our food and milk and honey. Here is a typical Tuesday afternoon, with Rowan helping out mama to make the offerings.

Flowers from outside for Ganesh.

Spitting for Lilith

Ganesh got a lolly that Rowan was coveting. It was touching that he gave it to Ganesh instead.

Lilith got some port, spit, and incense.

Rowan gave the dead some of his peanut butter and jelly graham cracker, along with the milk and honey.

Raising a Boy in Rape Culture

Lately, the news has been filled with horrific tales of teenage boys raping teenage girls and lots of victim blaming. Some victims have even committed suicide after being bullied after the rape. It gives a mama pause. How to raise a compassionate, respectful boy who grows into a respectful, compassionate man? We have started early. Rowan is three, but he is learning about body integrity, respecting other people's boundaries, and how to interact respectfully with others.

There are a lot of triggery links on this post, but please- if you have children, especially male children read them and talk to your kids NOW about this. I agree with this mom- it is an emergency:

"I don’t know how we stop boys from raping girls and posting the photos online. This has been happening far too often lately, and I’m sure there are many cases we still don’t know about. Because sex education is rarely taught in schools, rape education is never taught. I know as a parent I talk to my eldest son about these things and I will talk to my daughter about these things when she is older, even though I know my son is a smart, gentle kid who would never do anything like this, I talk to him about it anyway because I HAVE to. We all have to. I don’t know what else to say about this but my heart is broken.Please talk to your kids. This is an emergency."

A post of mine on Facebook, linking to an article about young boys learning todisrespect at an early age with the "boys will be boys"defense:

As a parent of a boy, I am glad to say that we have started early avoiding the "boys will be boys" behavior. Our child knows "back up and give them space", "you need to ask how your friends want to play together" and many more personal boundary and cooperative behaviors.It starts with simple things that can be easily dismissed by gender essentialists like knocking over towers. It cascades from there. After a childhood of learning that boys trump girls and they have no responsibility for the feelings of others, what do we expect?

I believe that these lessons need to be repeated often. Here is commentary from afather of a 4 year old boy on the Steubenville rape case:

'Convicted Steubenville rapist Ma’lik Richmond’s lawyer is planning to appeal the guilty verdict because – he says – at 16 years old, his client’s brain isn’t fully developed, and as such, he might not understand that rape is wrong.My son, all of four years old, is chewing his last strawberry mouthful as I finish my definition of rape and sexual assault, and my explanation of why forcing himself onto a girl—even his “girlfriend”, even just a kiss—is wrong. He gets it. His brain is far from fully-developed, but he nods as my sentence trails off and my hands fall back down to the table. “Okay, daddy. I won’t do it anymore,” he says. He slides off of his chair and gallops back to his cartoons.I know my son didn’t rape his preschool ex-”girlfriend.” And in all liklihood, he didn’t sexually assault her either. But when she let him know that she didn’t like him kissing her, it opened up our first conversation on the topic. And though I’m not completely sure I’m speaking on his level, I know I’d rather speak to him now so he knows that this is a topic between us. The rougher road lies ahead, but I’ve paved the first block and that’s what matters.'

I replied on Facebook:

We are working with my 3 year old son on boundaries and space and bodily consent. He knows to "give people space" if they ask. He knows that touching someone when they don't want it or they ask you not to is wrong (we even gave daddy a "time out" for continuing to tickle him when our son asked him to stop), and he knows that he needs to ask how his friends want to play together, instead of exerting his will upon others.That defense is some bullshit.

The national dialogue that puts rape prevention on women and girls is not where we should be focusing our energy. Rape is not a women's problem- while women and girls are most often the victims, boys and men must be taught, from birth onward, to respect others bodies, minds, and ideas.

"Responsible parentscan speak to their daughters about how to minimize their chances ofbeing raped. But the greater conversation we need to have is how tostop men and boys from raping. We have had years, and years, andyears of rape prevention seminars for women, of safety tips andclasses, of helpful hints so you don’t end up beaten and left in analley somewhere after being sexually assaulted. We need the same sortof seminars, and pamphlets, and websites dedicated to teaching boyshow not to rape. We need male politicians, and celebrities andathletes to do PSAs about how not to rape. We need fathers to talk totheir sons about not raping. Women? We do this. We talk about rape,we are vocal about rape, we write about rape and protest rape anddonate money to anti-rape organizations and write letters to getstricter rape laws passed. But we need more men to be as vocal as we are. "

How are you teaching your son in this regard?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

Does a caravan turn back from a journey because 

of the barking and clamour of dogs? 

On a luminous night, does the outcry of dogs 

delay the full moon in its course? 

The moon sheds light and 

the dog barks. 

Everyone proceeds according to their Nature. -Rumi

Bike friendly Portland will allow us to be car-free.
The transit is also so much better than Columbus.

So my family has been doing lots of thinking lately. And we have made some major decisions. We moved to Ohio because it was good for our small family to be near extended family and a support network. We moved here because it was cheaper than our beloved Bay Area and we needed to regroup and get back on our feet financially. But it is NOT home. We have met amazing people here, and Columbus is pretty neat. It just doesn't fit all our needs.

So, here's our plan:
My partner is currently getting out of student loan default. Ohio, with its cheap cost of living is allowing us to do that. He will be able to return to school very soon and will be getting degrees all the way to PhD (to be a therapist, among other things). He will make a great therapist.

I love being near water. Not only does Portland have
the river, it also is an hour from my beloved ocean.

I am in grad school and soon will be switching tracks radically. I have been in seminary part time since 2009 and have decided it is time to move on. I gotten some great things out of SKSM, but it is not the path for me. After serving a UU congregation and finding out first hand what it is like, I have decided this is not what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I have been a healer in between other gigs for quite some time. I went to herb school (and continue a lifetime of that herbal education on my own), and am a Reiki master. I have found the call to heal to be steady and patient in the background- all while I tried on many other hats. I have decided to switch schools and prospective careers. In the fall, I will be attending a master's program in acupuncture and TCM. I will get certified and licensed and start to practice while my partner continues on with his school.

Gorgeous.

We have also decided that after my partner gets his BA and I get my acupuncture MA, we are moving... again. We have decided to move to Portland, Oregon. We have amazing friends there, it is more affordable than the Bay Area, and still has many of the things we love about Oakland, CA. It is beautiful, progressive, and clean. It is close to the radical faerie sanctuary that is near and dear to our hearts. It's a day's journey to see the Bay if we so desire. It is near some fantastic Witches we know. It is also charming in its own right- I have been several times and we have many friends there that tell us- "Come here! It is home!"

It is in Portland that we will settle, raise bees, and homestead further. It is in Portland that I will heal my community through Reiki, herbalism, and acupuncture. We just have to bide our time here a while longer.

Portland is weird enough for us. We need more weird.

So thank you, Ohio. You are good to us, allowing us to regroup and revel in family, good friends and interests, and a decent standard of living while we are here. We got to meet amazing people, and I picked up a student of the Craft while here who needed me. Don't think we are not appreciative of you, Ohio! We know what a struggle life could be- we had that constant struggle in California. While we are still considered "poor" on paper, Ohio is relatively easy and we are grateful for a few years of ease, particularly while Rowan is in these critical developmental years. We get to spend lots of quality time with him now, and that is such a gift.

Happy Wolf Moon (or, a Love Letter to My Son)

Dear Rowan,

I wrote this the day of the Wolf Moon of 2013. That moon hung low, yellow, and pendulous in the sky this morning, pre-dawn as you and I drove your father to work. We sang, "Look up, it's the moon!" to you in the back seat. Did you know that we sing every day now because of you?

Yesterday, we celebrated your birthday and your grandparents from both sides trekked to see you and spoil you rotten. You had kids over to play "Bozo buckets", pin the tail on the donkey, and to bust a piñata. You got gifts and affection and attention galore. I made a pink dragon cake for you and added to my birthday playlist on my iPod. I brought out the felt banner that I made for your first birthday, and the green pillar candle we have had since your birth altar that we now burn on your birthdays. I had everyone sign your special book that we have had since your baby shower.

It was three years ago on the Wolf Moon that I labored with you. That day was an adventure and uncharted territory for me, but it was nothing compared to the adventure we are having together now. Motherhood is amazing and I am so lucky to have you in my life. You make me laugh and smile every day and I am so grateful for that. We learn and share, grow and change- together. You are my favorite person and I love you so much.

You were born in the San Francisco Bay Area and we currently live in Columbus Ohio. We'll probably live here five or so more years. We moved here for you- a sacrifice, yes. I use the word not to martyr myself, but in the original meaning of the word- "to make sacred". As parents, we opt to make decisions that we would not make if we were single and childless. And we do it with joy, freely and lovingly. We moved to Ohio because needed a cheap place that was closer to extended family and a support network (so we could get back on our feet financially while still giving you a childhood worth nostalgia- one with playing outdoors, music lessons, and camping vacations).

Right now, daddy is working to get back to college, and mama is working on finishing her grad degree, too. Once we have those pieces of paper, we will have better skills to support our family the way we want to- flexible schedules (so we can spend oodles of time with you!) and decent wages for our work (so we can live somewhere nice with you and give you experiences worth having).

Here in Columbus, we have the ability to pay off student loans and live cheaply (as students with a kid are wont to do) for a while. We don't plan to be here forever, but while we are here, I get to show you wonders like snow forts and lightning bugs. We have a great zoo, an amazing library, and cool science museum for kids here. I am unschooling/homeschooling by choice-  as the different child of weird parents, I want you to live as free from judgment and scorn as possible. As your main teacher, I set a few goals, but you choose most of where and how we learn. Here in the midwest, you get to experience not-so-subtle seasons as the Wheel of the Year turns and we teach you about nature, the sabbats, and the world around you.

I cannot wait for the next phase of our family's evolution- back west, but to a new city. In the meantime, I am enjoying every minute of your preschool and early elementary years here in the Capitol City. We are in the right place for this time.

I love you so much.

Love, Your mama.

Watching My Son Grow: Goal Setting

I have always be a "do-er". I am a list maker, a goal setter, a strategic planner. I also believe in letting kids be kids and letting play and natural exploration govern their learning. So how do I strike a balance between these two philosophies with my son?

Introducing... "The Rowan Station"! It is a kid-height bulletin board in our kitchen that helps Rowan focus on things we (his father and I consult on these things with Rowan) think he needs to work on. They are interests that come up (Soon he will be taking violin, for example. I never would have picked that instrument- Rowan picked it. (I am more of a drum girl, myself.) I look forward to rusty hinge noises during practice for the coming years- groan!), as well as developmental milestones, and age-appropriate topics. We pick five- it seems like a reasonable amount of things to juggle and maintain interest without being overwhelming. With five things, we can switch from topic to topic, so nothing gets boring or seems like we are drilling him (what could divert enthusiasm faster?).

Right now, as Rowan approaches his third birthday, this is what he is working on:

1. Phonics. He knows his alphabet, and is about halfway through knowing the sound of the consonants. It's very exciting, and we cheer him on and tell him how close he is to learning to read himself. He is so excited to learn to read. We go to the library weekly and check out a huge tote bag full of books. We get him picture books as well as young adult chapter books that aren't overly scary. Right now, besides picture books, he is hearing stories from Rudyard Kipling, Maurice Sendak, and Roald Dahl. He loves books and memorizes the shorter ones so he can tell the stories to himself when we are not reading aloud. It is adorable.

2. Manners. Oh my. How this mama wishes that manners were an innate quality humans have. But alas, my preschooler is a beastie with no sense of propriety. Manners is an umbrella term we are using for respecting others and being a good citizen, family member, and friend. What are "bad manners"? Littering, crowding people, watching people in the bathroom, staring at others while in a restaurant, chewing with your mouth full, picking toe jam or your nose at the table (ugh!), and interrupting conversations (particularly with shouting, whining, or demands). We are focusing on giving people space, privacy, and table manners while eating right now.

Rowan scored very high in problem solving
in his preschool assessment. Here he is,
piecing a puzzle together.

3. Numbers and Counting. We are spanning the bridge between knowing the memorized sequence of numbers in their order and using that to actually count objects properly. We have him in the kitchen when we cook, "helping us" by counting out tortillas, for example.

The first three items are things we are actively working on, daily (and Rowan is right there, on board). The last two items are things that he is ready to do, according to all the experts, but is not doing as well as he could be. We have them on the list as a reminder to the adults that we should be putting the idea out there and raising the bar gradually on these items.

4. Getting Dressed and Undressed. He has shown no interest in actually doing it himself, which surprises me. He is so eager to be a "big boy" in other areas. We ask him to put on his jacket and after we get the zipper in the right position, to zip it up. He can put on his own frog boots (although he still has not mastered which foot!) but it is harder for other shoes without pull-up handles. He shows no interest in dressing himself, but wants to pick out his own clothes. I think the next step will be that he gets to pick out things if he is willing to put them on (or try).

5. Potty Learning. We would love for him to be actively trying, but right now he isn't. We ask all the time if he wants to sit on the potty, but right now he would rather use a diaper. He actively poops in his diaper instead of trying the potty. Sigh. We are not pressuring him- what's the point? There will come a time when he is ready and it will be a quick process when that time comes. In the meantime, it is something we keep reminding him of because he is at the age to start sometime soon.

If you notice (in the first picture), he also has a small calendar on the board- to teach him about the passage of time. He is curious about it and uses the words "today", "tomorrow", and the days of the week incorrectly at times. So I wanted to show him what they actually mean by using a calendar. I put events on there that will help him mark the passage of time (birthdays, Friday Family Fun Night, potlucks, storytimes, etc.), and we have him cross off the days as they pass. I am hoping that by using a visual aid, he will come to a better understanding of this abstract concept.

How do you teach your kids (both academic subjects at home and life skills)? Do you set goals, either privately amongst adults or including the child(ren)?

My Yule, Appalachian Christmas, Mennonite Christmas/Chanukah with Rowan

Opening Yule gifts.

Life is weird and delightful. Let me just get that out of the way from the get-go. I know that as a Witch (who is a hard polytheist and has a very particular theology counter to what many people know and experience), my life is always going to be a little surreal. That's OK. I chose this life and am happy to live it.

Raising Rowan with our (his father is also a Witch) values while simultaneously respecting the religions of his relatives and friends is always challenging and takes a lot longer than keeping to ourselves or giving up/in to Santa Claus and the typical American secular Christmas.

New Trike!

So this time of year, we celebrate Yule as a family on the 21st, then Christmas with extended family, and then Chanukah with close friends. We counted down to Yule using an advent calendar with special fun and/or candy each day. The morning of the solstice, we opened gifts that were placed beneath a holiday tree that we decorated ourselves (as an event on the calendar!).

I am all about celebrating the traditions that were/are ours as pagans, polytheists, and Witches. I also let Rowan know that Christians do these things too- because they wanted in on the Witchy fun.* So we do the tree, gifts, lights, feasts, all the fun things that most people like about Christmas, but aren't specifically Christian in origin.

A "fallen" snow angel.

Rowan's grandparents are a little puzzled when we tell them that "we celebrated on the 21st", even though they know we are Witches. They ask few questions because they are afraid of the answers. That's OK. At each sabbat, it's all about connection- retying ourselves to the Wheel and each other. So I will not diminish the connection by forcing my views on anyone. And I expect the same from Christians and Jews.

Snow demon

After Yule (in addition to the advent calendar, the tree, and gifts, we had a log that burns three candles, had held a sabbat with other trad Witches in the area at our home), we trekked to Appalachia to Rowan's paternal grandparent's home for Christmas. We had a party that evening with aunties and uncles and cousins (where the family participates in a white elephant gift exchange and receives gifts from the family matriarch), then opened gifts for one another. Rowan made out like a bandit, as did the elder Kunnings- we got a flatscreen TV. (More on this in subsequent blog posts, I am sure.)

Rowan and E.

After several days relaxing with grandparents, we journeyed northward to Bluffton, a charming Mennonite settlement town in Northwest Ohio.

There we celebrated a family Christmas (late) with a family not our own. We traveled there to see our friend, R, and her daughter, E. We know them (and R's partner, D, from our childbirth class with the midwife we shared.

Our children were born a week apart and they have been friends their whole lives, literally. We are close to R and D and cannot wait until they leave San Francisco for Pennsylvania. After that, we will be spending one weekend a month with one another, rotating PA for OH, after they move. Huzzah! For now, we keep in touch with Skype and infrequent visits.

Rowan and E.

Can I just say? I love the way that R's family is with one another. It is a huge family, and very close. They are intellectuals and value education and the arts. It is a pleasure to play "Family Fun Game" with them or watch them open their gift exchange. They are also very active in social justice movements and pacifists, which is a welcome change after Appalachia- where Fox News, polarization, and guns are the norm. R's father is Jewish and her mother is Mennonite. She always resonated with the Jewish side of herself and when she was pregnant, she converted to Judaism and now she and her daughter are Jewish and they do shabbat every week and this time of year, they celebrate Chanukah. So we celebrate with them, too.

My holidays are far from the norm, but I love them. I love that Rowan is growing up with a big universe and knows all kinds of people.

---

*When he gets older, I will let him know that many Christians do not understand that what they do is pagan in origin- and that is OK. We do not need to rub it in their faces, as long as Christians do not begrudge us our fun, we will not piss on their parade, either. (And most of the Christians that we know and love do understand that most cultural trappings of Christmas are actually Euro-pagan and do not care.)

Bullying and Empathy

Don't touch my cookie. I am not sharing.

 One of the life lessons that we are teaching Rowan these days is about how to treat others. As a toddler with lots of energy, he often uses this energy in a way that is undesirable. Taking toys from others, hitting to get his way- all are natural stages of development. But they are not acceptable, and we are working with him to get him to understand how to treat others.

We talk a bunch about bullies and the different ways they act and talk. Some bullies are obvious- a kid too eager to take things away from others, call people names, or make other kids afraid of them for personal gain.

We talk to him about sharing and saying nice things to people, and loving others and letting them love you. "Don't be a bully," we say. "Bullies don't have friends." This helps him navigate typical toddler scenarios in concepts familiar and understandable to a kid his age. But some things are just over his head. And we struggle to explain them.

Recently, he saw pictures I was looking at on the internet of police brutality. Mama reads stories like that and he saw the picture of a police officer choking an unarmed person. It was a scary picture. I am sure that his grandparents have told him that policemen are nice and that they help people. So this picture confused him. "Is that police man a bully?" he asked. I think how to respond: "Yes, Rowan. He is." Sometimes people take a job with authority not to help others but because they are handed power with that job. And they abuse that power." Hmmm, time to scale back the language to toddler level. "Yes- Rowan. he is a bully. Not all cops are nice. Some are, some aren't."

Learning empathy and helping from a friend.

Peer relations are touch and go for Rowan right now. He loves playing with other kids. But he also hits or pushes, takes toys from others, and screams at mama and daddy while trying to get his way. When he doesn't he sometimes calls people names. I know that all of this is a natural phase of development. But I personally find it horrifying. As a child, I was the anti-bully. I protected others and animals from abuse. So this kind of boisterous toddler behavior is hard to deal with sometimes.

We here at Kunning Hallow talk a lot to Rowan and play games getting him to guess the motivations or thoughts of others. As we read a story, we extrapolate for him: "I bet that duck is sad right now, thinking he won't see his mommy again. What do you think he is feeling?" I also have a chart that shows cartoon faces for different emotions and I ask Rowan to point to the one he is feeling at times. He is developing the language around feelings and I hope that we are imparting to him that others have feelings, too- and he can influence feelings for good or ill.

What are some things that you parents of toddlers (or former toddlers) have done to curb bullying? To cultivate empathy?

Friday Family Fun Night!

The Candle and Poem in question...

So we have started this weekly ritual at my house- we call it Friday Family Fun Night. We were inspired by our Jewish friends who are lucky enough to have Shabbat every Friday evening-Saturday day. After spending many Shabbats with them, we were encouraged to come up with a personalized, Witchy equivalent.

So... what is the ritual about? The ritual marks the end of the work week (which is harder to do than you might think). It is about making time for family relationships and connections and having fun.

And what do we do? The ritual has morphed since we started (and I further expect it to morph as we go), but as of now we light a special candle that mama made (which burns all night during our time together), read aloud a poem that daddy wrote for the occasion, and then stomp around the dining room table (often with flamboyant arm gestures or props) chanting, "Friday Family Fun Night!" until we giggle.

Rowan, waking daddy on Saturday.

Then we get into jammies and do things together as a family. Popping corn and watching a movie, playing games, making hot cocoa, snuggling, singing, or storytelling. As Rowan ages, there will be lots of things we can do together as a family. The plan is that FFF is a home activity, anchoring us to one another and home, creating a shape to our weeks that is reliable and predictable (kids thrive on routine), and bonding, bonding, bonding.

We then spend the next day doing family things as well- a family sabbath where we do not work and spend time together. We always make a nice breakfast together (Rowan helps!), and then check the available activities out there on the "Rowan's Potential Fun Stuff Calendar" (mama gets email updates and checks websites and adds them to a calendar so we do not miss cool things like story times, fairs and festivals, and the like.

Most of the stuff we do is free or low cost. Being poor it has to be. But spending money is not the point- being together in the best possible way, being present with one another is.

The poem:

Frigg's Eve, by Oberyn Kunning

All week long we toil, toil

Weaving, spinning, singing, growing

So we set the cauldron to boil

And pour it out, Love ever-flowing

When Frigg's Eve comes, one out of seven

Our work we set aside

And together, Kunnings Three, at home we do reside

Hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart

We set the lights to mark its start (light candle here)

Friday Family Fun Night! (x infinity)

Library and Literacy

Ever since Rowan learned to talk, he has been deliberately and literally surrounded by the alphabet. We got foam alphabet tiles for his play area, have sung the alphabet song to him, and he has read numerous books about the ABCs. He loves to play and asks for "the apple-ball game" which is a set of letter flashcards, complete with images (Can you guess? A is for apple and B is for ball.).

We have been taking weekly trips to the library and getting a dozen or so new books weekly for bedtime and other story times. This week, we started attending toddler story time at the library, and he was pretty good! He was "too shy" to sing along with everyone and wanted to be held when everyone stood and sang. But he paid attention to the stories and was very engaged in them. It helped that they were all about elephants (and other animals). He was delighted with the puppet storytelling, too.

Our goal is simple. As homeschooling parents, we know the veritable the keys to the kingdom are literacy and comprehension. And we spend a lot of time building on his knowledge to develop this skill. Luckily, Rowan is very motivated. He loves books and stories and cannot wait to read by himself. That makes this mama thrilled.

We are ready for the next step: phonics. Mama has gotten some phonics flashcard games and we started watching Sesame Street together (Rowan gets limited screen time- and we watch together, so as parents we can filter and help process information with him.). He knows that A is for apple, but he doesn't understand why yet. So we are working on the sounds the letters make.
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Consequences

His good consequences chart.

As a parent I believe that I would be remiss if I did not teach Rowan that there are consequences for his actions- either good or bad. I believe that this idea applies to the magickal and mundane. We are responsible for our words and actions- indeed, it is one of the few things that we can ever control.

So how to teach this huge concept to a toddler? We have consequences for his words and actions. "Bad decisions" lead to logical consequences. For example, failure to pick up his toys means the toys go away for a while. Breaking a toy does not get an automatic replacement. And sometimes, if you tease the parrot and try and take away her mango, she will bite you. We allow natural consequences to happen- and give Rowan play-by-plays as he works through his life scenarios: "You know, if you take that toy outside to play with your friends, you need to be willing to share it." or "OK, you don't have to finish your sandwich, but I am not giving you a snack in an hour. I am giving you the rest of your sandwich." (Sneaky kid started scamming for "better" food (mostly sweets) 30 minutes or so after lunch!) "Rowan, the parrot is growling at you. Keep it up and she will bite you."

When something happens that deserves a consequence but there is not obvious consequence (like not listening to mama or hitting), he gets a time out. He sits on the naughty step for a couple minutes. When he is calm, I ask, "Why are you in a time out?" He needs to be able to think back and tell me. If after several attempts he doesn't get the right answer, I tell him. Then I ask if he will do it again. He must promise to correct the anti-social or dangerous behavior before he is let up. While not listening to mama is annoying, I don't correct him with a time out for this merely for my convenience and to get obedience. I am teaching him that there are times that what mama says must be followed right away, no arguments. What if there was a fire? Or he ran into the street? I need him to stop and listen to me the first time. So I correct him now for not listening to me in less dangerous situations, in preparation for those possibilities.

His chill out jar. He watches the sparkles
float when he's in a time out.

We also want him to know that good decisions bring rewards too. So we started a chart. It's just a piece of paper taped to the wall that says "Rowan makes good decisions". Whenever he does something good, whether it was requested of him or initiated by him (this is not simply about obedience and compliance), he gets a sticker. We have a pile of stickers and he gets to choose which one, and then he puts it on his chart. When his chart is filled, he gets to pick "something special". This could be an outing, a toy, a sweet. It is up to him. He is very excited about both the stickers and the something special. He talks a lot about what might be a good decision, in the hopes of scoring more stickers. Smart one- that Rowan.

"Hey mommy, is this a good decision?" he will ask as he puts his cup in the sink. Yes, Rowan. Cleaning up after yourself is awesome. Woodpecker sticker for you! "Daddy, I make good decisions!" he proclaims as he walks upstairs with no fuss so we can put him to bed. Ooh, kid- that was a good one. scratch and sniff lemonade sticker for you!

Don't get me wrong- he IS a toddler. Which means he has temper tantrums, is fickle and bossy, and sometimes doesn't want to share. But I like to think that these lessons are starting an inner dialogue within him- so that the thinks before he acts.

Only time will tell of course. But I am excited to watch him grow.

October is Coming!

Rowan, "Vanna-ing" his jack'o lantern.

Rowan is getting excited as only a toddler can for October. I mean, mama loves autumn and October in particular too- but he is squealing, dancing excited.

We have the opportunity for a teaching moment here. I am going to have to get him a calendar so that he can understand how we mark the passage of time. Right now, because there are pumpkin displays and an extra candy aisle in the store, he knows Halloween is coming soon. He keeps asking when his costume will here and when he can trick-or-treat.

His nanny is making his costume, as she does every year. Last year, he was an elephant. The costume was awesome. This year, he wants to be a lightning bug. He is fascinated by them, as we didn't see any in California. So fireflies are a new exciting summer thing. Nanny is sewing a pocket in the belly of his costume so we can slip glow-sticks in there. It's gonna be pretty sweet!

He was begging for a pumpkin to carve a jack 'o lantern last week, and I kept being practical mama, saying "It's too early, Rowan. We'll get a pumpkin in October." I was not only resisting the over-commercialization of the holiday, but also thinking of the mushy rotten pumpkin mess on the porch if we carve too soon.

Needless to say, mama caved. I mean, the way we mark time seems so arbitrary to Rowan (and the Gregorian calendar IS arbitrary, anyway). He pleaded with me. The pumpkins are HERE, mama- why can't we get one? So we'll probably carve two this year. The one we just did and one before Halloween (as this one is sure to smoosh before that date!)

He deliberately picked a pumpkin with a crinkle, after looking at dozens, including "perfect pumpkins". We decided to carve a smiling lopsided face in it and he loves it. We got a battery powered disc for the bottom instead of a candle. Safer for him that way.

Stay tuned for trick or treat adventures- as well as updates on how we mark Samhain. (I see Halloween as a fun secular holiday that has Samhain-ish roots, and Samhain (which we mark at the cross-quarters, not October 31st, per se) as the religious holiday having to do with ancestors, and that is how we are raising Rowan.)

What We are Working On Now

 As many of you know, Rowan is being homeschooled/unschooled, even at this early age. I have considered sending him to preschool a couple days a week (for mainly social reasons), but the one that I would prefer has a huge waiting list. I will not send him to a traditional elementary, though- his father and I are united in that.

Currently, Rowan is 32 months (or a little over 2.5 years old, for all of you non-parents out there). He is precocious and whip-smart. I have a loose plan on what comes next, based on his age and abilities, as well as his interests. Our strategy is to explose him to as much as we can, see what piques his interest as well as making steady progress on some key areas (below):

The three Rs:
He already knows his alphabet, so we are starting phonics this fall. Once he can recognize the sounds that letters make, he can't be far from reading. I read at age three, and I think he will be able to as well. He loves stories, and we get new books from the library all the time. He is motivated to read, because he is always asking what printed things say and memorizing the books he has already read. We have told him that once he learns what sounds the letters make, he'll be able to read soon after that. He's excited and we are thrilled!

He knows his numbers, zero-nine. Now we are working on counting things. He understands that the symbols are the numbers, but he has not yet made the leap that four fish on a page are "four" yet. So he has memorized the symbol but not the meaning, much like his take on the alphabet.

Art:
He draws, paints, or plays with playdough every day. I think he's actually best at making identifiable things with the dough. I can recognize when he is shaping an animal- whereas when he draws, it's all a scribbly mess still. He is surrounded by art all the time, especially having the neighbors that we do. (They run a local art group.) He loves music and is looking forward to taking music lessons this fall. We found a kindermusik program within walking distance! He asks for music in the car and at home all the time, and we hope to give piano lessons after he turns 3. There are Suzuki method teachers that will start him that young here.

Life Skills (the important stuff they don't often teach in school):
He knows forwards and backwards, so now we are working on left, right, and the cardinal directions. Once he understands the directions and how they work with the sun and moon, he will be closer to participating in esbats.

He can express himself eloquently (sometimes much too eloquently!), but we are working on manners (such as interrupting people when they are speaking and yelling to get noticed or get what he wants- oy, toddlerhood!).

He is an intense kid who loves touch and being close to his family and friends and sometimes overwhelms other kids. We are teaching him that some kids need space, and he should back up when asked.

Delayed gratification is a basic life skill that so many fail to master. So we have a sticker chart. When Rowan makes a good decision, he gets a sticker. This could be following instructions or something he initiates himself. But when we notice (or he points it out, clever child), he gets a sticker. Once his sticker chart is filled, he gets "something special". He gets to choose between several things we offer, like eating at a restaurant, getting some ice cream, seeing a movie, or getting a new toy.

He is learning how to build towers with his blocks, which is teaching him about gravity, spatial relationships, and developing his hand-eye coordination. It is also a wonderful way he uses his imagination. He builds "towers" and "castles"  and "see saws" and "zoos". And of course, my little Shiva LOVES to knock his creations down.

He is required to pick up his own toys. He has friends that are in constant struggles with their parents over cleaning, and I am happy to say that Ro is not like that. He always has a job to do when we are cleaning and is expected to contribute to the household as a condition of living here. We may decide to give him allowance one day, but I have to think about what I want to teach about the philosophy of money before that happens. I personally hate capitalism and don't want to encourage that model- but he also needs to learn about money, too- so he can survive under a capitalist model.

Speaking of money, Rowan has a bank and we give him our loose change and he squirrels it away. The bank has become too stuffed, so this week when we got o the credit union, he is excited to bring his bank and start his own savings account. Now Rowan will be able to accept checks, LOL!

We are also teaching him about the passage of time. He understands that the clock tells time and often guesses what time it is ("7:30 'o clock, mommy?"). He knows that daddy gets picked up from work at 5 PM. He knows that breakfast comes before dinner, and that naps happen before he plays outside or goes on an outing. Right now, I give him a run down of his entire day, starting when he wakes up:

"OK, Booper. Today we are gonna get dressed, take daddy to work, come home, eat breakfast and let the girls (my parrots) out, then we'll play a little bit before your nap." Doing an item and crossing it off the list means reviewing the list and adding to it. "OK, Rowan after you play, you are going to take a nap, then when you wake up, we'll have lunch and then you can play outside with your friends (or go to the library/zoo/science museum)!"

I find that he transitions really gracefully if he is given a map of the day and countdowns to things he fights, like naps. Maybe not all kids need this, but Rowan thrives on routine and knowing what comes next.

Chill Out jar

Another thing about time, since it is so abstraact and relative is the passage of time, esp. when waiting for something fun or while in a time out. I have started to use cheap kitchen timers for countdowns and this chill out jar for time outs.

He is also learning about the calendar. "Can I go to Halloween, mommy?" is an opportunity to start counting down and show him how a calendar works. He has decided to be a lightening bug for Halloween this year and he cannot wait!

Cooking is also something we show him and he participates in. It is not only a life skill, but counting and measuring, chemistry, and creativity all rolled into one!

Another thing he will learn in this category next year, after he is three is swimming. Everyone should know how to swim!

Science:
He is enchanted with animals and plants, so we are starting plant identification, insect identification, and learning about zoo animals he is fond of with books from the library and the internet. I want to get him this awesome board game called Wildcraft! which will help him identify medicinal plants. Once he starts showing interest in other science, we will start learning about that, too.

Peia.

To help with his love of animals up close, we go to the zoo almost weekly and he has a pet of his own (mama has two parrots, which he loves, too)- his is a toad named Peia (short for Cassiopeia) and soon Peia will have a buddy, whom he's decided to name Dromeda (short for Andromeda). He watches his toad hunt for crickets several times a week. I always show him how his animals need care- he watches me feed Peia (when he had a fish, he fed the fish. But live crickets are hard for a toddler to catch!), turn on and off his light, and clean his enclosure. We shop for crickets together.

I have been accumulating links and tips for homeschooling on my Pinterest boards. What skills are you working on with your kids, whether they are homeschooled or not? How do you work on them?

Even More the Gender Agenda

Gender is several things, although most people confuse them.

I am raising Rowan without an assumed gender. It is perplexing to his grandparents, who try and "boy him up" every chance they get, but we believe it is necessary to make him a full human being, rather than a caricature of what most in our culture think what boys or girls are.

When he is old enough he can choose. He can even choose daily. Lately, he fluctuates between saying he's a boy, a girl, and a raccoon. A chocolate raccoon!

Some days, he's "Rowan", sometimes, he's "Princess Doe", and most days, he prefers "Boop-a-Noodle". He likes pink and purple, and frankly ALL colors, especially ones that sparkle. Like this father, we support his choices and defend them to people who think they know better than him what his "gender" is.

Booper gets it, most kids do. It's only after a lifetime of oppressive socialization that we adults conform to others' expectations of our genders. Booper knows- people are people. We can all wear whatever we want, have our hair however we want, we can like do play any kind of game. Those who restrict our full humanity and exploration are simply not fun.

We had a funny conversation recently. It happened after he got into some paint he wasn't supposed to, and I told him it was for adults.
Rowan: "When I grow up and be a mommy, I gonna use paint."
Me (seizing this opportunity):  "Hmmm. You know, Rowan- most boys, like you, grow up to be men (who could possibly be a daddy) and most girls like (your friend) grow up to be women (who may choose to be a mommy). But some boys grow up and choose to be women (like mommy), and boys grow up and choose to be men (like daddy). When you grow up, what do you want to be?"
This is where Rowan showed me his true age and told me he wanted to be a chocolate raccoon. He is too young to choose, just like he is too young to be restricted. So why would I do that or let anyone else do that to him?