Points on the Iron Pentacle: Pride

This blog post is one in a series where I explore the Iron Pentacle and how it has changed for me since becoming a parent (Read the first installment, Sex, here). In my religious tradition, we have a tool for alchemy called the Iron Pentacle. It is a five pointed guidepost to helping you achieve personal balance. Each point on the pentacle is a human birthright:

Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion.

Pride is often confused with conflated ego, and in the Christian tradition is considered one of the seven deadly sins. Why on earth would Feri witches revel in such a thing? Simple- we are Gods*. We have a right to be proud of our accomplishments and words and deeds, especially when they manifest our True Will and the Will of the Divine here in this world.

Pride is the shameless recognition of our own self-worth and ability. It allows us to live fully without reservation, allowing our true nature to shine outward while not giving in to the ego's temptation to compare ourselves to others (whether favorably or disfavorably). "What is called pride in our culture is often merely arrogance. ... Arrogance has its flip side in self-deprecation, which is just another face of the arrogant posture."- T. Thorn Coyle, Feri and Reclaiming initiate. 

One of the most interesting conversations that I've had about Pride in this context was in one of Thorn's classes. Thorn put forth the idea that you cannot be proud of someone else. This disturbed me, as I have felt this emotion especially when I taught sixth graders in the Oakland Public Schools.

Of course I could be proud of a child that struggles to read when all obstacles are thrown in their way! My kids had poverty, hunger, non-involved parents, apathetic teachers, and a curriculum that saw them more as guinea pigs than people with needs to contend with. But then I looked deeper. "My kids"- huh. There was my ego, getting in the way of their accomplishments. They learned to read. Yes, I facilitated or assisted but it is truly their accomplishment. I saw then that on some level, being "proud of someone" is trying to take credit for their accomplishment in some way. Wow. What a revelation.

As for Pride in my life, I am proud of many things- mostly my ability to manifest structures and organizations that help people and contribute to the greater good. But no sense of Pride could have prepared me for dealing with my pregnancy and childbirth. I had a lot to overcome. This was not the first time I was pregnant (I gave a child up for adoption when I was 19), and that experience was unwanted, traumatic, and left emotional and physical scars (I was forced to undergo an unnecessary C section and at that time in my life, was not a great advocate for myself.).

Wanting a baby very badly meant going through the physical transformative process of pregnancy that was sure to trigger me on a very visceral level and submit to whatever birth experience manifested itself. And for a while, it looked like a repeat C section, which made me an emotional train wreck.

I struggled daily with the changes in my body and what bad memories were brought up as a result. I struggled with the imbalanced power dynamic I knew that I would experience in a hospital setting and triumphed over those fears. I built relationships to support me when I was at my most vulnerable- and those relationships paid off and ensured what was best for me and my child. I am so grateful to Judi (my midwife), Wolfy (my doula) and Oberyn (my partner) for being there for me when I most needed them.

And as for feeling Pride for my son, when he accomplishes a milestone (as he seems to do daily these days), I am happy for his success- and I revel in that joy. Which to me, appears more honest than feeling Pride.

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*Unlike some religions that believe that we "have a spark of the Divine" or we are mirror reflections of the Divine, Feri believes that we ARE Divine. And the work of your lifetime(s) is to become that God that you already are. Hard work, becoming a God.

Points on the Iron Pentacle: Sex

In my religious tradition, we have a tool for alchemy called the Iron Pentacle. It is a five pointed guidepost to helping you achieve personal balance. Each point on the pentacle is a human birthright:

Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion.

The Iron Pentacle can be used in many ways as a tool.* "In reclaiming the energies (of this pentacle)...we reintegrate that which has been taken from us by the dominant culture or twisted beyond recognition.", says T. Thorn Coyle, Feri and Reclaiming Initiate. Doing this work is not for the faint of heart- going up against mainstream culture is a hard row to hoe!

When a witch is "on their points", they have successfully balanced all five elements (Please note that this state is not ever considered permanent, but a constant juggling act to remain in balance as we move through life. We constantly go in and out of balance as we strive for it.).

Hilary Valentine, Reclaiming Initiate says, "These five points are qualities (or abilities or states) that occur quite naturally in a human being (or any other animal) when it is healthy. However our culture, like many other cultures worldwide, trains its members to control or limit these qualities in order to reduce conflict (and create the ability to rule over others easily- ed.). Some cultures, for example, the New England Yankee Christian culture I come from, go so far as to label these qualities sins. The opposite qualities, such as virginity, humility, and selflessness are highly prized."

I should speak to the individual points a bit to explain what they mean, as the concepts have been distorted in our culture and the words are often misunderstood or feared. As I describe each point in a new blog post, I will relate not only what they mean to me, but how they have changed and morphed since becoming a parent and what they were like while pregnant.

So, from the top (of the pentacle)! Sex is the beginning and the end of this pentacle- the alpha and omega- just like in the creation of the universe! In Feri, we believe that Sex created the universe, as it continues to create the life that surrounds us. God Herself's orgasm (the big bang) created all matter and energy that is encompassed in the universe.

Sex is the creative power of the Universe: it is life force, connection. It is Divine energy. It encompasses not just genital sexuality, but most assuredly includes it as well. We should never eschew sexual pleasure for some "transcendent" ideal. The body is holy- your body is the body of the Mother- and Sex is the holiest of holies. You pay homage to the original creation and the original love and lust by having sex.

"It is that point of orgasm in which we open to the Universal dance and participate in its creation and in its destruction within each moment.", says Storm FaeryWolf, Feri Initiate. "In ordinary life, we either supress sex energy so deeply that we can barely feel it or we run it in such a way that it spills out of us and onto other people." ... (By running Sex energy properly) we become vital and full of life force and can use this energy to fuel all our endeavors..." says T. Thorn Coyle.

Sex was always a pleasure filled act for me. And luckily, I grew up with very little baggage around sex, masturbation, and my body. But Sex never meant so much to me spiritually until I found Feri and until I got pregnant.**

For me, sex only meant genital play and whatever led up to that before Feri. After Feri training, I could feel Sex walking down the street as I connected with plants, animals, rocks and everything around me. Everything in nature sings and thrums with its own energetic voice, and at times, I can hear it. It can be overwhelming, and not always harmonious (depending on the place, of course). A place that has native plants and wildlife and little disruptions sounds very harmonious. Being in Oakland most days, sometimes things are a little cacophonous.

As I worked with the Iron Pentacle to reclaim what is mine, Sex became a way to connect with others and know them as Divine. And to me, that is what Sex is for. If your sex is meaningless and devoid of Spirit, it is not Sex. And I would rather have Sex than sex any day.

Angela Raincatcher, Nine Ravens Studio

As I grew Rowan inside of me, I experienced Sex from the inside out. I had a little aquanaut connected to me in the most intimate way possible. I was literally a microcosm of God Herself. As he grew and stirred inside me, I was amazed at each turn. I was already connected to this little thing and felt such deep and profound love, and we hadn't even met yet! We didn't know what one another looked like, yet we were in love. I say "we" because it became obvious after Rowan was born that he loved me, too. It wasn't mere instinct, him clinging to me for warmth and nourishment. He knew my feel, my smell. We were intimates. He basked in my presence.

Sex is even more important now that I am a mom. I feel connected to all children, all animals, the planet in a way that makes how I felt before feel like a hollow caricature of caring. I care so profoundly, so deeply that it hurts often.

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*Learning about the Iron Pentacle is an exercise best done in person under the tutelage of an initiate. Many Feri and Reclaiming teachers give workshops on this tool. For the purpose of understanding the content of this article, I am giving the barest information possible. It should not be taken as the definitive teaching on the subject. When using the Iron Pentacle, some people meditate on the points and their connections. Others "run" the energy of the pentacle though their body (the human body's design is that of an upright pentagram- the head at the top, arms outstretched, legs beneath. To run the pentacle, one assigns Sex in the head, Pride to the right leg/foot, Self to the left hand, Power to the right hand, and Passion to the left foot (running back into the head for Sex). There are many ways to use the tool to discover imbalances and re-balance the points to get you back "on your points".

**Rowan was intentionally conceived, in ritual. He was insanely planned and he visited us in dreams before he was born. We deliberately incorporated procreative sex into our lives for the sake of bringing Rowan into it, and can I just say? That's weird to me. Before Rowan, sex was always mostly a queer act, more for pleasure than anything else and making babies was someone else's thing.

Watching My Son Grow: 6 months

Rowan is growing like a weed right before our very eyes, and it astounds me. I know everybody and their mother warned me that "The time goes by so fast! Enjoy this time- it doesn't last forever!" But who would have thought a cliché could be so true? I am astounded that my "squidpickle" from the 19 week ultrasound is now a real live human being on the outside, exerting his will in the world and enjoying fruits and veggies!

Right now, he is experiencing his 6 month growth spurt, right on cue. It is characterized by more napping, lots more eating, and fits of pique from not being able to accomplish everything he wants to do (He's a lot like his mommy in that way- I think that I should be able to whatever I set my mind to!). He also fights his naps like nobody's business, even when he most assuredly needs them.

Tummy time has made way for floor time- most of the time, he is practicing to crawl and his tummy is not on the floor. We encourage him wildly at these times as he inches forward (only to inch back- the whole forward motion thing is a mystery to him still). He is learning that "Yay!" and clapping are good things, and he grins broadly when they happen. I would characterize these moments as the building of his Pride*. When he is able to reach out and grab something he wants successfully, a huge grin of triumph spreads across his face that is unmistakable.

He works so hard at crawling and trying to grasp small objects and manipulate them, but his body and mind and the connection between the two are not developed enough yet. And this leads to the inevitable meltdown. He gets so frustrated at wanting to do something but cannot that he starts yelling and crying in frustration. At times like this he is inconsolable for at least 5 minutes, even if we are holding him tight, wiping away the tears, and talking to him lovingly. He is learning about his Power* and how to make his body do his will.

I also love his exuberant enthusiasm, his easy laughter, and his flirting with people who smile at him. He is so connected to everyone- he trusts completely and has not experienced betrayal or violence yet. Babies are born with a perfect Sex* point, already present and unrepressed. Sex is the force that connects all living things to one another and to the Divine. The universe came into being because of Sex and it continues because of it, too. My son is connected to me and my partner, but he also sees himself connected to everything- I can see this when he plays in the grass or touches a flower. His Talker/Auric Body connects and merges with the object he touches in a way that adults no longer do as a rule.

I love that I can see my little witchlet change almost daily. He is truly coming into his Power!


*Pride, Power, and Sex are three of the five points on the Iron Pentacle, a tool for alchemy in the Feri Tradition. The points are Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion. For more information on Feri terms such as Talker or the Iron Pentacle, I suggest these books:
   

Children Coming Into Their Power

"There is a big difference between providing help and addressing a need."

This sentiment was expressed in one of my classmates a couple semesters ago in seminary (For those that don't know, I am a student at Starr King School for the Ministry, a Unitarian Universalist seminary that specializes in multi-religious education and social justice. I am in their M. Div program.).

They were referring to people who have the best of intentions when embarking on social justice work; but often come into a situation from the outside and take away marginalized people's power in the name of helping. This pattern has been repeated by many (particularly white, middle class activists) in many different movements. I agree with the sentiment, and can see how this sentence also applies to parenting.

My son is almost 6 months old. He is learning to get around, but not accomplished at crawling yet. He is starting solid foods enthusiastically, but gags in his learning curve of how to take in soft smooshy foods (we are doing mainly "Baby Led Weaning"). He has learned that we respond to his cries, and now he "cries" to get our attention even when he's not upset (he just wants something).

The urge to jump in and "help" my son can be overwhelming. Many parents would be freaked out as their child gagged on a chunk of overripe pear. But he's not choking- he's gagging. There is a difference, and that is the difference between learning about his world (and the depth of his own mouth) and being sheltered, only given pureed food and not given that chance. (Yes, mommy is right there in case he actually starts to choke...)

In my religious tradition, Power is one of the five human birthrights. (The others being Sex, Pride, Self, and Passion- and these words encompass far more in Feri than the mainstream culture has assigned them). Power is Rowan's birthright as a human and especially as a witch. I am fighting all the time to allow myself to give him the room to experiment, fail, and possibly get banged up a bit- all in the name of having him claim little bits of his power, as he earns them.

I have to say, the experiment is working. He is thriving and being adventurous in his world. He is strong, happy, and by all accounts well-adjusted. He trusts and loves his mommy and daddy. He takes risks knowing that we will catch him.

I wonder, how often do well-meaning parents take away a child's power- all in the name of "helping"? 


(Oh- and for those of you who think Baby Led Weaning is some new-fangled fad: ever wonder how babies ate before there were blenders and food processors?)