"The Erotic"

One of my favorite quotes from poet and warrior Audre Lorde is, "In touch with the erotic, I become less willing to accept powerlessness, or those other supplied states of being which are not native to me, such as resignation, despair, self-effacement, depression, self-denial."

What Audre labels "the erotic", my religion simply calls Sex. To Witches in my tradition, Sex is the unifying force- not just of two (or more) people's genitals coming together in the moment- it is the unifying force that created the universe, perpetuates the universe, and affects the universe.

Sex is something that all vibrant living beings must tap into in order to thrive and be connected to everything else. While I have heard some teachers downplay genital sex as part of this concept ("you can pet a dog, paint a painting, give hugs!"), those genital sexual expressions are a hugely important part of the Craft and should never be dismissed or downplayed as non-essential to this religious view. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't teaching the Craft, they are marketing feel-good, new-age inspired self-help to the largest possible audience.Sex, in all its forms, is celebrated and held in high regard in the Craft.

I love also that Ms. Lorde talks about "supplied states of being which are not native" to her. (Powerlessness being the first state she cites.) I could not agree more. In the course of my life, I have run into people who feel powerless or they feel like they have no choices. They feel that no matter what they do, they cannot affect change in their own life. They, in essence, hand over their power to others.

I know that not everyone starts with the same societal privileges. I know that there is a fine line between holding people accountable for their words and deeds and blaming the victim. However, there is truth in what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."When you are feeling powerless, you must take a step back and look at the situation more clearly. There are always choices- which one will lead to more freedom for you?

Everyday choices of your past create the world in which you live- in the present. Starting to make choices that are beneficial to yourself now affects your future. Witches know this truth without a doubt. If a Witch has had decent training, they not only know how to make their lives work, they know how to work their Will in this world and others.

When you recognize these truths, you are no longer willing to accept "resignation, despair, self-effacement, depression, self-denial". You are in touch with Life/Flow/Sex. You are connected to all there is.

Points on the Iron Pentacle: Sex

In my religious tradition, we have a tool for alchemy called the Iron Pentacle. It is a five pointed guidepost to helping you achieve personal balance. Each point on the pentacle is a human birthright:

Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion.

The Iron Pentacle can be used in many ways as a tool.* "In reclaiming the energies (of this pentacle)...we reintegrate that which has been taken from us by the dominant culture or twisted beyond recognition.", says T. Thorn Coyle, Feri and Reclaiming Initiate. Doing this work is not for the faint of heart- going up against mainstream culture is a hard row to hoe!

When a witch is "on their points", they have successfully balanced all five elements (Please note that this state is not ever considered permanent, but a constant juggling act to remain in balance as we move through life. We constantly go in and out of balance as we strive for it.).

Hilary Valentine, Reclaiming Initiate says, "These five points are qualities (or abilities or states) that occur quite naturally in a human being (or any other animal) when it is healthy. However our culture, like many other cultures worldwide, trains its members to control or limit these qualities in order to reduce conflict (and create the ability to rule over others easily- ed.). Some cultures, for example, the New England Yankee Christian culture I come from, go so far as to label these qualities sins. The opposite qualities, such as virginity, humility, and selflessness are highly prized."

I should speak to the individual points a bit to explain what they mean, as the concepts have been distorted in our culture and the words are often misunderstood or feared. As I describe each point in a new blog post, I will relate not only what they mean to me, but how they have changed and morphed since becoming a parent and what they were like while pregnant.

So, from the top (of the pentacle)! Sex is the beginning and the end of this pentacle- the alpha and omega- just like in the creation of the universe! In Feri, we believe that Sex created the universe, as it continues to create the life that surrounds us. God Herself's orgasm (the big bang) created all matter and energy that is encompassed in the universe.

Sex is the creative power of the Universe: it is life force, connection. It is Divine energy. It encompasses not just genital sexuality, but most assuredly includes it as well. We should never eschew sexual pleasure for some "transcendent" ideal. The body is holy- your body is the body of the Mother- and Sex is the holiest of holies. You pay homage to the original creation and the original love and lust by having sex.

"It is that point of orgasm in which we open to the Universal dance and participate in its creation and in its destruction within each moment.", says Storm FaeryWolf, Feri Initiate. "In ordinary life, we either supress sex energy so deeply that we can barely feel it or we run it in such a way that it spills out of us and onto other people." ... (By running Sex energy properly) we become vital and full of life force and can use this energy to fuel all our endeavors..." says T. Thorn Coyle.

Sex was always a pleasure filled act for me. And luckily, I grew up with very little baggage around sex, masturbation, and my body. But Sex never meant so much to me spiritually until I found Feri and until I got pregnant.**

For me, sex only meant genital play and whatever led up to that before Feri. After Feri training, I could feel Sex walking down the street as I connected with plants, animals, rocks and everything around me. Everything in nature sings and thrums with its own energetic voice, and at times, I can hear it. It can be overwhelming, and not always harmonious (depending on the place, of course). A place that has native plants and wildlife and little disruptions sounds very harmonious. Being in Oakland most days, sometimes things are a little cacophonous.

As I worked with the Iron Pentacle to reclaim what is mine, Sex became a way to connect with others and know them as Divine. And to me, that is what Sex is for. If your sex is meaningless and devoid of Spirit, it is not Sex. And I would rather have Sex than sex any day.

Angela Raincatcher, Nine Ravens Studio

As I grew Rowan inside of me, I experienced Sex from the inside out. I had a little aquanaut connected to me in the most intimate way possible. I was literally a microcosm of God Herself. As he grew and stirred inside me, I was amazed at each turn. I was already connected to this little thing and felt such deep and profound love, and we hadn't even met yet! We didn't know what one another looked like, yet we were in love. I say "we" because it became obvious after Rowan was born that he loved me, too. It wasn't mere instinct, him clinging to me for warmth and nourishment. He knew my feel, my smell. We were intimates. He basked in my presence.

Sex is even more important now that I am a mom. I feel connected to all children, all animals, the planet in a way that makes how I felt before feel like a hollow caricature of caring. I care so profoundly, so deeply that it hurts often.

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*Learning about the Iron Pentacle is an exercise best done in person under the tutelage of an initiate. Many Feri and Reclaiming teachers give workshops on this tool. For the purpose of understanding the content of this article, I am giving the barest information possible. It should not be taken as the definitive teaching on the subject. When using the Iron Pentacle, some people meditate on the points and their connections. Others "run" the energy of the pentacle though their body (the human body's design is that of an upright pentagram- the head at the top, arms outstretched, legs beneath. To run the pentacle, one assigns Sex in the head, Pride to the right leg/foot, Self to the left hand, Power to the right hand, and Passion to the left foot (running back into the head for Sex). There are many ways to use the tool to discover imbalances and re-balance the points to get you back "on your points".

**Rowan was intentionally conceived, in ritual. He was insanely planned and he visited us in dreams before he was born. We deliberately incorporated procreative sex into our lives for the sake of bringing Rowan into it, and can I just say? That's weird to me. Before Rowan, sex was always mostly a queer act, more for pleasure than anything else and making babies was someone else's thing.

New Classes That I Am Taking!

I just started my new semester at seminary, and am taking two classes this fall. I have a liturgy writing class on Mondays called "Writing the Rites" that will undoubtedly make an appearance here in the blog. And my other class, Sex and Spirit, is on Thursdays! I wanted to share a bit, after all, sex and religion is a powerful mix!
In Feri, Sex is considered the life force that connects all living things, and it is the origin of the universe (not just genital sex, but it includes that, too). Sex is not always about procreation, rather it is about creation of all kinds, be it of another human being, a work of art, a good orgasm, or an ecstatic experience. In Feri, there is no shame in sex- and there is no guilt, either. Sex is a good healthy thing, when consensual.

But I know that other religions have their issues with sex for whatever reason and often have prohibitions on what kind of sex one is allowed to have (if any), when you can have it, and with whom. That is why I am glad to be in a class with people from diverse religious and cultural perspectives. I am glad to see that future clergy of many denominations and traditions will be sex positive.


As a future priest and present parent, the messages that I transmit about sex to those around me matter. Sex is a normal bodily function and a part of creation. I want my son growing up embracing his human birthright to have sex and hold it as sacred, as a gift.  I want him to get pleasure from his body as is his right. I want him to know the names of all his body parts, and the names of other body parts he does not possess. As a young girl, I was not told the names of all my body parts, and had to learn about sex mostly on my own. I already have a great children's book for Rowan when he gets a little older called a Kid's First Book About Sex. He will learn anything he wants to know, and he will get information without having to ask. Teaching him about sex will be like teaching him about art, math, or insects. It is a commonplace thing, and happens to almost everyone in their life.

About the class (from the syllabus):

If we want to bring our whole selves into connection with Spirit, we can’t forget our sexual selves. In this class, we will explore the effects of erotophobia on sexuality and, by extension, spirituality in order to discover how we can integrate these foundational aspects of our humanity. Some topics we will discuss include: sexual well-being, the effects of shame on relationships, sexual diversity, how our sexual selves can inform our spiritual practices, and the dance between boundaries and connection with others. The class will include lecture, interactive exercises, group discussion, and personal reflection in order to offer a range of perspectives and experiences.

Course objectives: By the end of the course, you will be able to:

• Discuss how sexual well-being, shame and interpersonal boundaries influence and are influenced by their relationships with the Divine.
• Identify and commit to at least one step they can take to deepen their understanding of sexual diversity and overcome erotophobia.
• Explore ways in which their personal sexualities can both inform and hinder their roles as ministers.

Sound good? So far, it is! My professor for the class is an old friend, actually- Charlie Glickman. We worked together at Good Vibrations, among other things, back in the day.

I'll be journaling for the class and posting some of those entries here. For homework for our first class, he asked us to write about this:
What messages have you received about sex and spirituality? How have those messages shaped your studies? Your spiritual journey? Your daily life?


Interesting questions for me to ponder. How about you?

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If all goes according to plan, I should become a better, more creative writer in the next 14 weeks: "Writing the Rites" is my way of getting up to snuff in the writing department.

Technically, it is a liturgy writing class for wannabe Unitarian Universalist ministers. But what is liturgy if not creative writing for religious thinkers? And not just "the big 5" have liturgy. My religious tradition has gorgeous liturgy written by poets more talented in that arena than I. But I aspire, and in order to succeed, work is to be done! We will be writing as a daily practice, checking in with a writing partner weekly on top of class time, and checking in monthly with the professor about our journaling. I am looking forward to honing my skills!

We started the class by doing some automatic writing and (gulp) sharing it in front of the class - twice. I took a chance and made myself vulnerable, exposing personal details about my life. It's going to be an interesting semester, I think!

From the syllabus:

I. Description:

This course will provide religious leaders with tools to create meaningful, multi-vocal worship in the UU congregational setting. In class and in the community we will be creating and leading traditional and transformational worship for people at all ages and stages. Students will gain and understanding of the psychology and spirituality of ritual and liturgical forms within an historic context. In addition to the Sunday service, we’ll create a calendar and write ceremonial rites to prepare for the leadership of weddings, memorials and other special religious occasions.

II. Course Aims and Learning Objectives:

Aims

This course will include a lot of writing. In and between sessions students will be writing for the various elements that make up Sunday services, and traditional rites of the Unitarian Universalist community. Students will explore the necessary rhythms of writing for professional sustainability.

Students will share their writing with others and be expected to offer, and receive, affirmation and critique. We will create a community of hope expressed in written and spoken words.

Learning Objectives:

By the end of this course, students will: •Have a portfolio of writing samples for various religious

occasions; •Understand the history and intentions of various liturgical rites and

increase in their confidence and ability to lead congregations

through familiar and new rituals; •Be able to adapt written material from a variety of sources with

attention to the integrity of the original and the issues of

appropriation and fair use; •Find meaningful tools for incorporating writing into a public and

pastoral ministry.

I'm looking forward to creating some gorgeous litugy for Feri rituals in this class!

Watching My Son Grow: 6 months

Rowan is growing like a weed right before our very eyes, and it astounds me. I know everybody and their mother warned me that "The time goes by so fast! Enjoy this time- it doesn't last forever!" But who would have thought a cliché could be so true? I am astounded that my "squidpickle" from the 19 week ultrasound is now a real live human being on the outside, exerting his will in the world and enjoying fruits and veggies!

Right now, he is experiencing his 6 month growth spurt, right on cue. It is characterized by more napping, lots more eating, and fits of pique from not being able to accomplish everything he wants to do (He's a lot like his mommy in that way- I think that I should be able to whatever I set my mind to!). He also fights his naps like nobody's business, even when he most assuredly needs them.

Tummy time has made way for floor time- most of the time, he is practicing to crawl and his tummy is not on the floor. We encourage him wildly at these times as he inches forward (only to inch back- the whole forward motion thing is a mystery to him still). He is learning that "Yay!" and clapping are good things, and he grins broadly when they happen. I would characterize these moments as the building of his Pride*. When he is able to reach out and grab something he wants successfully, a huge grin of triumph spreads across his face that is unmistakable.

He works so hard at crawling and trying to grasp small objects and manipulate them, but his body and mind and the connection between the two are not developed enough yet. And this leads to the inevitable meltdown. He gets so frustrated at wanting to do something but cannot that he starts yelling and crying in frustration. At times like this he is inconsolable for at least 5 minutes, even if we are holding him tight, wiping away the tears, and talking to him lovingly. He is learning about his Power* and how to make his body do his will.

I also love his exuberant enthusiasm, his easy laughter, and his flirting with people who smile at him. He is so connected to everyone- he trusts completely and has not experienced betrayal or violence yet. Babies are born with a perfect Sex* point, already present and unrepressed. Sex is the force that connects all living things to one another and to the Divine. The universe came into being because of Sex and it continues because of it, too. My son is connected to me and my partner, but he also sees himself connected to everything- I can see this when he plays in the grass or touches a flower. His Talker/Auric Body connects and merges with the object he touches in a way that adults no longer do as a rule.

I love that I can see my little witchlet change almost daily. He is truly coming into his Power!


*Pride, Power, and Sex are three of the five points on the Iron Pentacle, a tool for alchemy in the Feri Tradition. The points are Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion. For more information on Feri terms such as Talker or the Iron Pentacle, I suggest these books: