Every day, I watch my son make leaps and bounds in his cognitive, psychic, and physical development and it floors me sometimes. I wanted to document some of the things that I have noticed in the past couple weeks:
1. We live in Oakland, CA- best known this past week for the demonstrations, riots, and looting that took place (after a BART (transit) cop got a 2-5 year sentence for shooting an unarmed black man (who was face down on the ground, defenseless and unarmed) in the back. It was caught on video by many lookers on.) here recently. It's been a somber time here in Oakland.
The day of the verdict, I was out having coffee with a friend and Rowan at a neighborhood cafe. Rowan went down for a nap about an hour later after the verdict was announced- safe at home in the back of the house. I was in the front, working on my computer. At some point,I heard him fuss and cry, so I went in the back to tend to him. It was then that I heard- far off in the distance- the protesters. They were making their way down our busy street to Fruitvale BART, where the murder took place, for a rally. They were not loud and it was several blocks away, unamplified. But the energy was unmistakable and I could hear the distant chants of "No Justice, No Peace" and cars honking in support as they passed by.
I am convinced that Rowan was awakened by the anger, frustration, and sadness of the protestors several blocks away.
Background: Rowan sleeps through crazy loud noises all the time. Semi trucks, sirens, vacuum cleaners right next to him- nothing bothers him. Noise is not an issue. Energy however, is. He is highly sensitive and has been from the start. Tweakers (people on drugs like speed, cocaine, meth), schizophrenics and bipolar folks (whose energy is spiky and unpredictable), overly negative people, and also creepy people of different stripes all freak him out. Often in these cases, he turns inward and his eyes become unfocused. He's trying to cope/escape the best he knows how. If he's able, he clings to Mom or Dad for refuge inside our energy body to shield him from the unfamiliar and uncomfortable energy coming his way.
Anyway, back to the story. He woke up and was crying. I went back to soothe him and see if he was going to sleep more or get up, and that's when I heard the faint sounds of protesters. He was very agitated, thrashing from side to side in the bed and the only thing that helped was holding him and sheltering him from some of the hurt he could feel and subsequently casting circle and shield and protect the house from excessive anger coming from the outside. After that, he seemed to be better.
He stayed up late that night- probably picking up on Mommy and Daddy's agitation (we both were on live twitter and blog feeds all night, trying to keep up with the protests, what was going down in our town, and what the cops were doing). But he did not thrash in agitation like before, thankfully. I was glad to be able to shield him a little. It's not as if he hasn't been energetically sensitive before, as I said. It's just that up until this point, Rowan seemed to only be affected by energy in his immediate presence. Now his range of field has expanded. An interesting and noteworthy development in my little witchlet.
2. He has become a master manipulator. He squeals and mock cries, only to immediately stop, smile, and have his eyes sparkle as soon as we give him whatever it is he is squealing for. He is learning to master his world (that would be us!) and it is astounding to see how smart he is. At least we know that we can avert a meltdown this way!
3. He is learning language, even though he himself cannot speak or sign well yet. He definitely knows the words "Rowan", "milk", "Ba" (bottle), "sleepy sleepy", "Mommy", "Daddy" and "bird" (we have pet birds). He also knows "up" and we ask him to raise his hands (so that we can get under his arms to lift him easily) if he wants to be picked up. We are working on "change" (as in diapers), "food" (as he just started solids), "more", "hi" and "shower".
4. He is going through a frustrating phase of fighting sleep (naps and for the night) and intentionally works himself up into a frenzy so he cannot fall asleep. It takes a whole routine now, whereas before, he would just fall asleep (twice during the day, and then again for the night). He usually employs the strategy of kicking frantically and moving his arms (one day I want to get him on a blue screen backdrop doing it, as I could manipulate it in some video software and have it look like he is walking through Paris or something.) so that he won't fall asleep with all that movement.
Tonight, I foiled that plan by putting him in his sleepsack (the awesome European one from Nightshade! Thanks!) and then into the swing. Because his legs were encompassed in the sack, and the sack was pinned down by the swing's tray/leg separator, he could not kick. His solution? He went out of his way to pull himself up into an upright position (the swing was in a sleep inducing recline position), holding onto the tray for dear life- grinning in a ridiculously huge way at his triumph over sleep. We tested this hypothesis- to see if this was why he was doing this strange thing. Sometimes he would recline back as he tired himself out and then we would say, "Are you sleepy sleepy?" "You gonna go sleepy sleepy? Or some such thing. At those magic words, he would immediately employ his wakeful strategy again, causing us to laugh.
5. He is sitting up unassisted for longer periods these days- he even had a shopping cart ride at the supermarket and LOVED IT. It was all we could do to get his mouth away from that nasty cart. We lined it with a blanket, but still. Eew.
6. His love of solid foods is amazing- he squeals and demands more and is actually starting to have some minor fits of pique- I would not call them temper tantrums quite yet- more like a precursor of what loveliness is to come- if we are not fast enough with the goods. So far, he's has carrots, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, apples, blueberries, blackberries, and rice cereal. He eats about a third of one of those baby food jars at a time, gleefully.
7. He had another doctor's visit and is 27 inches long, his head is 17 inches around, and he weighs almost 18 pounds. These are his stats at 5.5 months.
8. Yesterday, we took him to the county fair. I was excited to see if there was any spectacle there that would catch his attention. Mommy likes the animals. He wasn't too interested in sheep, pigs, or cows in pens. But he liked the peacock and turkeys strutting in their pens. His favorite thing was a kids event- a two clown circus show. He was mesmerized by their juggling and their crazy toilet paper launching machines. As we were leaving, we stopped to get daddy some cotton candy and he got to see some of the carnival rides. He was entranced by the flashing lights and movement of the rides and screaming people. It was cute to watch.
Ok- enough mundane things. Next post will be about teaching kids the Craft, promise!
Showing posts with label Telepathic Communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Telepathic Communication. Show all posts
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
As a Mother, I Parent the Whole World Now...
Something has happened to me since becoming a parent. I am unable and unwilling to stand idly by as children suffer, but I also cannot bear to watch. I call it the Mama Bear Syndrome.
It's as if all children were in some way my own now. And in a theological sense, that is, of course, true. We are all connected and suffering is suffering. It is as if God Herself opened a part of my soul to expose me to a fraction of her love for all her creation. I feel open, raw, and over-extended a lot of the time now- especially when I read the news.
I cannot read or learn about a bad circumstance involving children without getting nauseous or angry (or both). I have a hard time reading and watching videos about circumcision, for example. When the baby screams and passes out from pain and shock, my heart leaps out of my chest and I want to hunt down the person that did this horrible thing and bite their head off, literally. Beware the Mama Bear- she loves and protects her cubs, with violence if necessary.
This Syndrome makes me avoid watching and reading about such things. I know that I should stay informed on this (and other) issues in order to do the most good, but when the time comes to watch or read that first-hand account, my body rebels.
I have never had a hard time getting involved for social change. I have been a part of queer anti-violence patrols that stopped hate crimes and domestic violence on the street, for example. In the moment, I am clear-headed. I am discerning and strategic. I do what needs to be done for maximum benefit. I deescalate when possible, disarm when necessary. I have taken away guns and knives, faced down gangs of skinheads and frat boys. Little 5 foot 2 inch me and my queer friends. And afterward? I usually throw up.
It's hard being a new mama, and not in the way that I think many people mean (the lack of sleep, the lack of self-care, the crazy routines, the inability to get as many things done as you used to). It's hard because you realize, now more than ever in a tangible sense, that the world is in your hands. That you are responsible with your action, inaction, words and deeds. And I struggle to make every one of those words and deeds count. For the maximum benefit of all.
I got an unsolicited email from a Feri Initiate friend yesterday. It was something I needed to hear right now (gotta love psychics!):
I laughed when I got that email. It was so timely.
It's as if all children were in some way my own now. And in a theological sense, that is, of course, true. We are all connected and suffering is suffering. It is as if God Herself opened a part of my soul to expose me to a fraction of her love for all her creation. I feel open, raw, and over-extended a lot of the time now- especially when I read the news.
I cannot read or learn about a bad circumstance involving children without getting nauseous or angry (or both). I have a hard time reading and watching videos about circumcision, for example. When the baby screams and passes out from pain and shock, my heart leaps out of my chest and I want to hunt down the person that did this horrible thing and bite their head off, literally. Beware the Mama Bear- she loves and protects her cubs, with violence if necessary.
This Syndrome makes me avoid watching and reading about such things. I know that I should stay informed on this (and other) issues in order to do the most good, but when the time comes to watch or read that first-hand account, my body rebels.
I have never had a hard time getting involved for social change. I have been a part of queer anti-violence patrols that stopped hate crimes and domestic violence on the street, for example. In the moment, I am clear-headed. I am discerning and strategic. I do what needs to be done for maximum benefit. I deescalate when possible, disarm when necessary. I have taken away guns and knives, faced down gangs of skinheads and frat boys. Little 5 foot 2 inch me and my queer friends. And afterward? I usually throw up.
It's hard being a new mama, and not in the way that I think many people mean (the lack of sleep, the lack of self-care, the crazy routines, the inability to get as many things done as you used to). It's hard because you realize, now more than ever in a tangible sense, that the world is in your hands. That you are responsible with your action, inaction, words and deeds. And I struggle to make every one of those words and deeds count. For the maximum benefit of all.
I got an unsolicited email from a Feri Initiate friend yesterday. It was something I needed to hear right now (gotta love psychics!):
I don't know if you want any direct advice but I do have some, lol. The first year after a child is born, especially the first year for a woman doing spiritual work, you will be very sensitive on many levels. Some of this is very primal wanting to protect your child and wanting a better world for that child. When Victor (Anderson, former Grandmaster of the Feri Tradition and now among the Mighty Dead- ed.) spoke to me of respecting both the strength and fragility of human nature in body, mind and spirit; he spoke of the need for new mothers not to take on the world even though they might want to. This is not wimping out. :) but a time of self love and focus. Hugs BB -C
I laughed when I got that email. It was so timely.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A New Parent's Reflections
This was copied over from my now defunct blog.
Original post date: Sunday, February 7, 2010
So Rowan is a little over a week old and we are busy learning about one another. He is already an extraordinary person- he surprises me each day. Mostly his demeanor and expressions are very serious. The wheels are turning in there, I just have no idea what the 'lil guy is thinking!
Our little man is not fussy- you might even call him an “easy baby”- if having any completely dependent newborn is “easy”, that is. He is actually patient, makes a fuss/cries only when we have not followed his cues for eating soon enough or if we move him from a comfortable spot he wanted to stay in. He also hates to be changed- either diapers or clothes, so there are fusses at those times. But he is easily cheered after it is over, and I understand being upset over the lack of control of your own body. That must suck.
Yesterday, I learned that he will often put eating on hold for too long in lieu of sleep. We took an extra long nap before going on a quick jaunt to the lake (and the car ride always puts him to sleep, as does being swaddled in the moby), he ended up not waking and asking to eat and I just didn’t think about it. (I have been following his lead about food, feeding him when he asks.) But when he got home- OH! He was soooo hungry and upset after waking as we got him out of the car seat.
He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted the boob so much and was trembling and turning red when it was right in front of him. He couldn’t seem to settle down enough to take it because he was so worked up. It took a good 15 minutes to calm him down before he was focused enough to simply eat. Poor thing. We won’t do that again- even if he is sleeping, I’ll wake him if he hasn’t eaten in 3 hours, come hell or high water!
He is starting to show the most amazing facial expressions. My favorite of course, being a smile. He goes through a repertoire of these when he sleeps- each different emotion flickering across his face for a couple seconds before being replaced by another. These are accompanied by REM, so I wonder what he is dreaming about. It’s heartbreaking to see the really sad face he makes- I think it must be about being alone in the NICU without human touch and lots of needles and things being stuck into him. He falls into REM so quickly, too. It’s amazing. Yep, I sit around a lot now and watch my baby sleep. Good times!
Last night, I was so tired and sore (still recovering from pregnancy and birth- my insides feel like someone beat them with a baseball bat as they return to their normal positions inside my body, and the stitches and perineum are still sore as well) and could not get comfortable in bed. Rowan woke and asked to nurse, which I first attempted lying down. This sometimes works, but he is so small that my boob is bigger than his whole head and I end up contorting in weird ways to get the nipple position correct and sometimes it is more trouble than it is worth.
So I ended up sitting up with him on a pillow and nursing that way. But he wanted to do that slow lingering nursing he sometimes does, falling asleep on the boob intermittently so that it takes an hour plus. And I was in pain and unhappy. So I kept tickling him to keep him sucking and after 20 minutes, I placed him in the co-sleeper bed. Up until last night, he has slept with us in the big bed, which is working out fine for the most part. But I just wanted to stretch out, relieve my pain, and not worry about Ro in the bed!
Well, he was not happy. As I say, he is not a fussy baby, but he made quiet fretting noises and reaching out with his arms to find me. And then he sent me a thought (yes- I believe that)- it was of him, alone, in the NICU bassinette. He had no one to cuddle with and love him. He was lonely and scared. My heart broke and I immediately scooped him up and brought him next to me in bed. I was immediately rewarded- he looked deeply into my eyes (we keep a nightlight on for him now, so we can see getting up at night) and smiled the biggest smile I have seen on him ever. He was so content to be near a source of love and fell right to sleep. “Fuck the pain”, I thought. “He sleeps here, next to me.”
His umbilical cord still hasn’t fallen off, but it’s close. After that, we are free to bathe him. They did a bath at the hospital to get off more of the meconium, and he hated that. I hope it was a function of meconium being hard to get off and being in the NICU, rather than hating baths in general…
The birds are insanely jealous of the baby and have to have two humans supervise them when they are out with the baby. We hope that after a while they will accept their new flock member. Especially Tengu and Rah are aggro right now- Lullah is fine as long as she gets played with, she doesn’t care.
There have been a parade of people stopping by to meet Rowan and drop off food, which has been awesome. His first visitor was actually in the NICU- Cornelia Benevidez was in town and came by because she felt as though the labor must be finished- she even found out we were at SF General instead of UCSF (we hadn’t posted an update yet)! She did a blessing for Rowan while he was still in his oxygen tent. Cholla came by our house with borcht from the folks at Thermalia, Wolfy, of course, has been with us as the doula, making us food and such, Justin came by to make us tacos last night and see his Godson, and tonite Ben is coming as well. We are planning on taking him to see his Godmother Julia very soon as well.
Today we pushed the limits to see how he would do and took him to the Oakland UU church service. He did not fuss at all, actually, even though we both looked at one another with dread as the moment of silence began. We both had the same dreaded thought that he would choose that moment to start wailing or something. But nope- he is a sweet tempered, patient baby. Where in the hell did he get that from?
Original post date: Sunday, February 7, 2010
So Rowan is a little over a week old and we are busy learning about one another. He is already an extraordinary person- he surprises me each day. Mostly his demeanor and expressions are very serious. The wheels are turning in there, I just have no idea what the 'lil guy is thinking!
Our little man is not fussy- you might even call him an “easy baby”- if having any completely dependent newborn is “easy”, that is. He is actually patient, makes a fuss/cries only when we have not followed his cues for eating soon enough or if we move him from a comfortable spot he wanted to stay in. He also hates to be changed- either diapers or clothes, so there are fusses at those times. But he is easily cheered after it is over, and I understand being upset over the lack of control of your own body. That must suck.
Yesterday, I learned that he will often put eating on hold for too long in lieu of sleep. We took an extra long nap before going on a quick jaunt to the lake (and the car ride always puts him to sleep, as does being swaddled in the moby), he ended up not waking and asking to eat and I just didn’t think about it. (I have been following his lead about food, feeding him when he asks.) But when he got home- OH! He was soooo hungry and upset after waking as we got him out of the car seat.
He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted the boob so much and was trembling and turning red when it was right in front of him. He couldn’t seem to settle down enough to take it because he was so worked up. It took a good 15 minutes to calm him down before he was focused enough to simply eat. Poor thing. We won’t do that again- even if he is sleeping, I’ll wake him if he hasn’t eaten in 3 hours, come hell or high water!
He is starting to show the most amazing facial expressions. My favorite of course, being a smile. He goes through a repertoire of these when he sleeps- each different emotion flickering across his face for a couple seconds before being replaced by another. These are accompanied by REM, so I wonder what he is dreaming about. It’s heartbreaking to see the really sad face he makes- I think it must be about being alone in the NICU without human touch and lots of needles and things being stuck into him. He falls into REM so quickly, too. It’s amazing. Yep, I sit around a lot now and watch my baby sleep. Good times!
Last night, I was so tired and sore (still recovering from pregnancy and birth- my insides feel like someone beat them with a baseball bat as they return to their normal positions inside my body, and the stitches and perineum are still sore as well) and could not get comfortable in bed. Rowan woke and asked to nurse, which I first attempted lying down. This sometimes works, but he is so small that my boob is bigger than his whole head and I end up contorting in weird ways to get the nipple position correct and sometimes it is more trouble than it is worth.
So I ended up sitting up with him on a pillow and nursing that way. But he wanted to do that slow lingering nursing he sometimes does, falling asleep on the boob intermittently so that it takes an hour plus. And I was in pain and unhappy. So I kept tickling him to keep him sucking and after 20 minutes, I placed him in the co-sleeper bed. Up until last night, he has slept with us in the big bed, which is working out fine for the most part. But I just wanted to stretch out, relieve my pain, and not worry about Ro in the bed!
Well, he was not happy. As I say, he is not a fussy baby, but he made quiet fretting noises and reaching out with his arms to find me. And then he sent me a thought (yes- I believe that)- it was of him, alone, in the NICU bassinette. He had no one to cuddle with and love him. He was lonely and scared. My heart broke and I immediately scooped him up and brought him next to me in bed. I was immediately rewarded- he looked deeply into my eyes (we keep a nightlight on for him now, so we can see getting up at night) and smiled the biggest smile I have seen on him ever. He was so content to be near a source of love and fell right to sleep. “Fuck the pain”, I thought. “He sleeps here, next to me.”
His umbilical cord still hasn’t fallen off, but it’s close. After that, we are free to bathe him. They did a bath at the hospital to get off more of the meconium, and he hated that. I hope it was a function of meconium being hard to get off and being in the NICU, rather than hating baths in general…
The birds are insanely jealous of the baby and have to have two humans supervise them when they are out with the baby. We hope that after a while they will accept their new flock member. Especially Tengu and Rah are aggro right now- Lullah is fine as long as she gets played with, she doesn’t care.
There have been a parade of people stopping by to meet Rowan and drop off food, which has been awesome. His first visitor was actually in the NICU- Cornelia Benevidez was in town and came by because she felt as though the labor must be finished- she even found out we were at SF General instead of UCSF (we hadn’t posted an update yet)! She did a blessing for Rowan while he was still in his oxygen tent. Cholla came by our house with borcht from the folks at Thermalia, Wolfy, of course, has been with us as the doula, making us food and such, Justin came by to make us tacos last night and see his Godson, and tonite Ben is coming as well. We are planning on taking him to see his Godmother Julia very soon as well.
Today we pushed the limits to see how he would do and took him to the Oakland UU church service. He did not fuss at all, actually, even though we both looked at one another with dread as the moment of silence began. We both had the same dreaded thought that he would choose that moment to start wailing or something. But nope- he is a sweet tempered, patient baby. Where in the hell did he get that from?
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