Monday, May 31, 2010

The Nature of Love

So I prepared myself as best as possible for this thing we call parenthood. I took classes read lots, talked to other parents, and did internal check-ins about what was happening to my body, my life, and my mind as I progressed in pregnancy.
But to be honest, nothing prepared me for the emotional wallop of having a child. I know it sounds sappy, but I never thought I could love someone so much. Yes, I have been in love, have had long-term relationships, etc. But this is different.

The experience of loving an adult is like building a house. It is a deliberate act to create something nurturing and sheltering with someone. If you do it right (and often we novice house builders need more than one pass-through to create a house that will stand!), you start by building a great foundation, and add bells and whistles from there. I have built fancy turrets without a proper foundation, only to have it crash down around me. I have also built huge deep foundations and failed to build a living space that was fanciful enough to capture my imagination for the long haul.

Loving my son, though- that is more like being a force of nature. (Because I am!) Sometimes I feel as though I could rip through someone, utterly destroying them, if they went to harm my son in any way. BEWARE the mama bear.
And the intensity of this love scares, exhilarates, and surprises me. I know I can never be the same again, because of this love. I know that I will never be completely worry free ever again, either. But it is a fair trade-off, I think.

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