Getting ready for Yule.

My son is going on four and he is already asking why we don't celebrate Christmas "like everybody else". I have had myriad answers for him:

"We are not Christians. Christians celebrate Christmas. We celebrate Yule."

"We are Witches, and we aren't like everybody else."

"We celebrate our holiday many of the same ways the Christians celebrate theirs. Everything you love about Christmas are also Yule celebrations! We will trim a tree, have a feast, invite people over, bake sweets, exchange gifts, hang lights."

It doesn't help that his grandparents (and when he's there, TV commercials) are pushing Christmas- HARD. He came home from a weekend with them talking about it incessantly. I am sure he saw lots of Christmas hype on their TV. And then he said, "I wanna celebrate Christmas."

So I said, "You are going to celebrate Christmas when we are with your grandparents. And we as a family also celebrate Yule."

Then he replied. I wanna celebrate Christmas for the right reason." (Uh oh.)

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"I don't want to tell you." (Hmmm. That isn't good and smells of deceptive indoctrination...)

"Sweetie, you can tell me anything. You know that. Please tell me why it is important to you.", I pressed.

"JESUS." (OK, confirmation of my fears.)

"Well, Christians believe that Jesus was the son of a god. And they celebrate Christmas as his birthday party (never mind it actually isn't his birthday, according biblical scholars). But WE do not believe that Jesus was anything more than a cool guy who said some important things in his day. When you are older, you will be free to seek out any or no religion at all, once you can actually understand them and what they offer. But while you are little, we do things as a family, a team. We are the Kunnings Three, remember?"

That brings a smile to his face. He loves being one of the Kunnings Three.

So now, I am getting him ready to celebrate Yule. With the media onslaught that happens this time of year, I cannot blame him for wanting to be a part of it. And I refuse to take part in the onslaught that celebrates it too early. So after Thanksgiving, we erect a tree and such.

He gets such propaganda from commercials and all his favorite shows (all kids shows feature Santa this time of year) that we need to show him that our traditions are fun and good, too. Cuz frankly, who throws a religious party better than Witches? (No one, that's who.)

He spent another weekend with the grandparents after Thanksgiving. He is coming home this evening. Then he will help us put up a tree, drink hot cocoa, and we'll start teaching him seasonal songs.

On the 1st, we will start the advent calendar (in the shape of a tree, that counts to 21). Inside each drawer is a treat or a slip of paper saying what fun thing we get to do that day. We will teach him songs, let him help cook and bake, light the yule log, and on our actual celebration, we will let him stay up and revel with us (we stay up all night to see the sunrise). I am sure he will fall asleep long before dawn, but being a part of something big and festive is important.

Only after we do our family traditions will he get Christmas, with his grandparents.

How do you celebrate the seasons, especially with little ones? How do you deal with the crass commercialism, the overwhelming Christianity, and extended family that are probably not the same religion as you (and perhaps trying to sway your kid to their point of view)?

My Yule, Appalachian Christmas, Mennonite Christmas/Chanukah with Rowan

Opening Yule gifts.

Life is weird and delightful. Let me just get that out of the way from the get-go. I know that as a Witch (who is a hard polytheist and has a very particular theology counter to what many people know and experience), my life is always going to be a little surreal. That's OK. I chose this life and am happy to live it.

Raising Rowan with our (his father is also a Witch) values while simultaneously respecting the religions of his relatives and friends is always challenging and takes a lot longer than keeping to ourselves or giving up/in to Santa Claus and the typical American secular Christmas.

New Trike!

So this time of year, we celebrate Yule as a family on the 21st, then Christmas with extended family, and then Chanukah with close friends. We counted down to Yule using an advent calendar with special fun and/or candy each day. The morning of the solstice, we opened gifts that were placed beneath a holiday tree that we decorated ourselves (as an event on the calendar!).

I am all about celebrating the traditions that were/are ours as pagans, polytheists, and Witches. I also let Rowan know that Christians do these things too- because they wanted in on the Witchy fun.* So we do the tree, gifts, lights, feasts, all the fun things that most people like about Christmas, but aren't specifically Christian in origin.

A "fallen" snow angel.

Rowan's grandparents are a little puzzled when we tell them that "we celebrated on the 21st", even though they know we are Witches. They ask few questions because they are afraid of the answers. That's OK. At each sabbat, it's all about connection- retying ourselves to the Wheel and each other. So I will not diminish the connection by forcing my views on anyone. And I expect the same from Christians and Jews.

Snow demon

After Yule (in addition to the advent calendar, the tree, and gifts, we had a log that burns three candles, had held a sabbat with other trad Witches in the area at our home), we trekked to Appalachia to Rowan's paternal grandparent's home for Christmas. We had a party that evening with aunties and uncles and cousins (where the family participates in a white elephant gift exchange and receives gifts from the family matriarch), then opened gifts for one another. Rowan made out like a bandit, as did the elder Kunnings- we got a flatscreen TV. (More on this in subsequent blog posts, I am sure.)

Rowan and E.

After several days relaxing with grandparents, we journeyed northward to Bluffton, a charming Mennonite settlement town in Northwest Ohio.

There we celebrated a family Christmas (late) with a family not our own. We traveled there to see our friend, R, and her daughter, E. We know them (and R's partner, D, from our childbirth class with the midwife we shared.

Our children were born a week apart and they have been friends their whole lives, literally. We are close to R and D and cannot wait until they leave San Francisco for Pennsylvania. After that, we will be spending one weekend a month with one another, rotating PA for OH, after they move. Huzzah! For now, we keep in touch with Skype and infrequent visits.

Rowan and E.

Can I just say? I love the way that R's family is with one another. It is a huge family, and very close. They are intellectuals and value education and the arts. It is a pleasure to play "Family Fun Game" with them or watch them open their gift exchange. They are also very active in social justice movements and pacifists, which is a welcome change after Appalachia- where Fox News, polarization, and guns are the norm. R's father is Jewish and her mother is Mennonite. She always resonated with the Jewish side of herself and when she was pregnant, she converted to Judaism and now she and her daughter are Jewish and they do shabbat every week and this time of year, they celebrate Chanukah. So we celebrate with them, too.

My holidays are far from the norm, but I love them. I love that Rowan is growing up with a big universe and knows all kinds of people.

---

*When he gets older, I will let him know that many Christians do not understand that what they do is pagan in origin- and that is OK. We do not need to rub it in their faces, as long as Christians do not begrudge us our fun, we will not piss on their parade, either. (And most of the Christians that we know and love do understand that most cultural trappings of Christmas are actually Euro-pagan and do not care.)

Advent Calendar and other Holiday Traditions

Our advent calendar!

As Witches, my family celebrates Yule this time of year- a time when the Sun King is once again reformed as well as the solstice the darkest, longest night of the year.

As religious minorities in America, we are surrounded by Christmas (both the religious and the secular, commercial versions)- and frequent mentions are made of other holidays like Hannukah, Kwanzaa (and sometimes even Chalica).

We note those observances and teach our son about them- he is growing up knowing all about the world's religions and having friends in different religions, too. It makes sense as a an educated world citizen and after all, when we spend the winter holidays partly with extended family and /or friends- and they are Christmas and Chanukah people, mostly.

So what do I teach my son about Yule? It expands each year, as his understanding grows and he can get abstract concepts. Right now, we let him know that Yuletide is a holiday that started before Christmas and many things people think of as "Christmas things" are actually practices from pagans in Germany, the British Isles, Rome, and elsewhere. We do all the fun things Witches do during a fun winter holiday!

We use an advent calendar to count down to the solstice. We were lucky enough to find a wood adent calendar with little wood drawers and the last three dates (22-24) were easily turned around to make a solstice advent calendar. Ha! Each drawer is filled with a slip of paper that names something fun we are going to do that day and a sweet. What kinds of fun things? Here's one from California that we did:

 1. cookie baking day(s)
2. special stories/books
3. making ornaments
4. trip to get meaningful ornaments
5. tree trimming
6. Sing Along Sound of Music at The Castro Theater
7. special holiday craft
8. shopping for people we love
9. special stories/books
10. gingerbread house
11. coloring pictures
12. make a treat and take it to a friend
13. make plates or serving bowls at paint your own pottery place
14. make hand and foot prints
15. pick your own special thing!!!
16. make hot chocolate and stir with candy canes
17. potluck dinner
18. gingerbread house
20. watch a christmas movie and eat popcorn
21. drive around and look for fairy lights


The 21st is when we exchange gifts as a family (meaning Rowan has at least three days that include gifts- the solstice, Christmas with extended family and Chanukah with our friends). We decorate a tree a couple of weeks beforehand and I continue a tradition that my mom started. We get a few ornaments each year that celebrate big happenings in that year and writing names and dates on the ornaments. That way, each year, we can reminisce as we decorate the tree.

In addition to a tree and gifts, we often make or get a wreath or other greenery- an old pagan tradition of remebering even on the darkest night, life is present. We kiss under mistletoe. We sing carols and songs (and even more carols and songs and songs) like "The Holly and the Ivy". We decorate gingerbread houses and people, bake other cookies, drink hot cocoa, light the lights on the tree and our Yule log (We do have a permanent Yule Log with room from three candles.) and on Yule, we stay up until sunrise.

We do not do some other pagan traditions, however, such as La Befana or "Santa Claus" (yes, Santa was a mushroom eating shaman). While I enjoyed Santa as a girl, I don't like the idea of perpetuating lies to children for their own sake. We aren't doing the tooth fairy, either. We also don't do Krampusnacht or talk about the Krampus.

What does your family do this time of year?

Ask Me Anything: Holiday Storytelling

In this semi-regular feature on Witch Mom, I answer select questions from readers. There is always a box to the right of my blog posts if you would also like to ask a question, or click here. It could be about The Craft, parenting, pop culture, multi-religious education, homeschooling, or whatever! I cannot promise to answer each one, but I will read them!

A reader asks: "Do you have any Yule or Holiday stories that you like to tell your son?" 

Old Befana

My son loves books and grasps some stories pretty well, complicated concepts not so much yet. So far, in terms of educating my son on religion or ethics (or really anything other than colors, numbers, not hitting people, and the alphabet), we haven't gotten that far. Soon though- it will be very soon!

But are there stories that I plan on tell him? You bet! This time of year there are many holidays, and I want my son to learn about all of them. I am always looking for great children's books and stories to tell- and if you know of one for any of these holidays, please make a note in the comments.

For Chalikah, (this is a UU holiday that happens in early December) we will discuss the seven principles and how they apply to his life. what strikes me is how the seven UU principles are so parallel (in my mind) to the principles of Kwanzaa. He is going to be going to a UU church as a child and youth, and likely taking their OWL classes, too.

For Yule itself, we will talk about the rebirth of the sun as we stay up all night to watch it rise and give thanks. We will create stories that talk about equal parts day and night and how now the days will get a little longer each day. Since we will be homesteading and Rowan will be helping with that project and much of his schooling will start there, an agricultural calendar and story will take center stage.  Here is a nice story we may adapt.

The Chalikah my Sunday School class made.

For Christmas (which most of his relatives celebrate, either religiously or secularly), we will be telling him about Jesus and how this is his birthday celebration. (The conversation about Yule appropriation, how Jesus was likely born in September, and Mithras will wait until he is older).

For Hannukah, I will tell the story of the Jews' miracle of the lamp oil lasting and how it corresponds to the number of candles. His best friend is Jewish and we celebrate Hannukah with them.

For Kwanzaa, we will celebrate this holiday in our home. I love the principles of Kwanzaa and want to instill them in my child. We will be getting a kinara and the correct colored candles. 

For Twelfth Night Eve (what Christians re-appropriated and have renamed Epiphany Eve, January 5/January 6 morning), there is the legend of Old Befana. In Italy, it is she who delivers gifts to good girls and boys, flying through keyholes on her broom. Read more here about Befana and how she has been "Christianized".

What stories and themes do you tell your children over the winter holidays? Do you celebrate more than one holiday?

Happy Holidays!

Hope everyone had a blessed Yule and Solstice.

Happy Christmas to all my Christian readers.

Happy fifth night of Hannukah to all my Jewish readers.

Happy Kwanzaa (starting tomorrow!) to all my readers who celebrate that holiday.

Blessed be the dark and returning of the light.

I'll be back in 2012 with even more Craft, natural parenting, and homeschooling blog posts (and a lot more!)

Happy Krampusnacht!

Happy Krampusnacht, everyone!