Big Boy Room!

Rowan's door. The elephant has his name on it,
and was a present tag from a relative.
The doorknob has a key to
Children's Fairyland on it.

One of the big changes for us as a family upon moving to the "new house" here in Columbus is that Rowan now has his own room and his own "big boy bed". I was worried that this transition would be hard on him, but he has taken it all in stride!

We have been huge advocates of co-sleeping and sharing the family bed since bringing Rowan home over two years ago. It helps with breastfeeding, everyone gets better sleep, and fosters a secure attachment with your child. I can't recommend it enough. Rowan loves to sleep with us- which is why I was worried that he would hate being in his own room. I am glad to say that I needn't have worried.

He is adorable, no?

We have never had a bed big enough to for all three of us and our sleeping styles, however. Rowan is a cuddler and will wedge himself against you or climb on top of you in his sleep. His father and I are "don't touch me or get on my side of the bed" type sleepers. It was our commitment to attachment parenting that kept us co-sleeping- and I think it met Rowan's needs up until now.

Asleep for a nap. (Yes yes, I know.
No bottles in bed.)

When we stayed with relatives in Appalachia, we had a full sized futon and a twin sized bed (in the same room) to sleep upon for all three of us, which meant one parent sleeping with Rowan and the other sleeping alone in the twin. The twin was meant for Rowan- a gift from his Nana when she moved into the nursing home. He immediately took to it and wanted to sleep in it- by himself.

As we prepared to move to the new house, I kept talking up the fact that Rowan was going to get his own room and his own "big boy bed". I showed him the bed and told him that it would be his. He seemed excited. (I also promised him a fish, which I made good on- he feeds it every morning and named it "Nahmahnah" after the Muppet song "Mahnah mahnah" which he loves to watch on You Tube.) He also saw some of the elements that would be going into his room- like the pegboard for his coats that I painted and glued animals onto, and the decals for the walls, and the mon lamp that my sister bought him for Christmas.

I plan on painting the top of
this table with chalkboard paint.

I worked very hard after moving in to make Rowan's room one of the first rooms that was finished (along with the kitchen, so we could eat). I wanted him to be happy and safe in there, right from the start. It would not do for him to be resentful of a place that he would end up sepnding so much time in. I wanted it to be his sanctuary and fun place.

Remarkably, he has been sleeping in his bed, all on his own since moving here, with very few issues. He still wakes sometimes in the night and we still go in and comfort him back to sleep. We haven't quite weaned him off of milk bottles at bedtime and nap time, although he is drinking less and less and I think he is weaning himself. we also often just give him water instead of milk.

Moon lamp, Doctors Without Borders
map, and LOTS of books!

He loves his room and is getting used to the idea of playing in it alone upstairs while mama is downstairs (most, but not all, of his toys are in his room- he has a small toybox downstairs) and getting used to the idea of settling down to nap without mama having to be there until he falls asleep. I tell him to nap, and he falls asleep on his own now. He's getting to be such a big boy!

He never fussed over having to sleep alone, which tells me that he was ready for such a change. He loves how I have decorated the room (I got vinyl wall decals off of Etsy of animals and his name and monogram) and has named the animals.

I made his cute clothes peg board and he loves it.

The two birds are both named Pete, strangely enough.
Big Pete and Little Pete. No, he has never seen
that Nickelodeon show, either. This came straight
from his strange little brain.

He can name almost every letter on his floor now!

This room will be his for quite some time. We do not intend to move from here unless we buy a house- as this place meets most of our needs and we really like it. It is a room that can grow with him, as it is large for a kid's room and is pretty adaptable.

He will grow up here, and I think we are both happy with that.

Round on the Sides and High in the Middle!

How we had Booper in the car- tethered sippy, a snack jar,
an apple, hanging toys, and a backpack full of diversions
to hand him when he fussed.

Rowan, making the best of it, at the motel.

One of my parrots, Tallulah, giving me the stink eye
for being crated so long.

Rowan with Pap Pap at the park.

That's right, Booper. This move was all about you.

So we arrived in Ohio on Wednesday the 21st and not a minute too soon! Poor Rowan was done. After we left Denver (where we stayed with friends for a few days and visited), we went back to stay in motels and Rowan promptly pitched a fit.

When we brought him out of the car, still sleeping, into our room for the night in Kansas City, MO and he realized that we were not "at home" (perhaps he thought our friend's home was our final destination?) he pitched a fit. He started hitting the wall and yelling "NO!" over and over. Poor baby.

We had one more evening of motel after that- in Indianapolis, IN. He was actually better after that- perhaps we had broken his spirit by then, poor thing.

We arrived in the small Appalachian Ohio town we will call home for the next few months in the afternoon, and Pap Pap was out in the yard. We had been telling Rowan that we were going to stay "with Nanny and Pap Pap" for a while and he grinned widely when he saw him. I am unsure if he recognized him on his own (we visited in March) or if he was happy because I told him, "Look! It's Pap Pap!" We took it easy for the rest of that day, then on Thursday we unpacked the car (you would be surprised at how much stuff can fit into a Honda Civic! Nanny laughed that it was like watching an old clown car scene as we took out our stuff.

We took fragile things that we did not trust to the movers, things we would need right away when we arrived (important papers, school work for me), travel things (clothes, diapers, food), and things for the birds and baby that were traveling with us. It was quite the haul.)

I got caught up with some school work on Thursday, then went to the BMV on Friday to get my new license plates for Ohio. Mine were expired from California when I arrived. Can I just say- going to the BMV in a small town is a breath of fresh air compared to Oakland, CA? Why I took a number, I'll never know, because I was seen next! It took an hour- including travel 20 minutes each way! When I arrived "home", I was sad to learn that my partner's uncle had passed away that morning. His heart attack was actually a blessing, as he was battling very aggressive cancer and this spared him a lot of pain.

The subsequent days we have been here have been filled with funeral and viewing preparations. I was glad to be able to help- I downloaded songs and created CDs for the viewing and funeral service. What seemed like no big deal to me was important and hard for them to do- so I was glad to be of help. I never got to meet Uncle Jack, we were planning on visiting him the day after he died. We just missed him by a day.

Sunday, we went to the Marietta, Ohio Unitarian Universalist Church and were delighted to learn that the congregation has grown and thrived since my partner first attended as a teen. The building has been renovated, there were close to 100 congregants, including families with children. Some of the people he knew back then were still there, and there were happy reunions. Rowan had a delightful time in the nursery playing with other kids (Finally! He really missed playing with kids since we left California).

Gad to be out of the car and in a park!

Afterwards, we went to an Auntie's home for family time before the scheduled viewing. Because of the funeral and viewing, many relatives we would not see right away came back into town. To Rowan's delight, there were also kids there for play. He imitated the baby, who is in that scoot-scoot, pre-crawl stage (and getting lots of attention!), and ran around with his older cousins playing with matchbox cars. (His older cousins were so patient and sweet with him. It was lovely.)

Today (Monday the 26th) is the funeral. Rowan is wearing his first ever suit- we got it on Saturday. It is adorable, complete with vest, tie, and pocket square. Tomorrow, we hope that the movers arrive with our things- I need to call them today to check in (living without your things is a drag). The rest of the week is filled with getting settled in Ohio and doing school work. This semester, I am taking "Dynamic Youth Ministry" and "Tibetan Buddhism". I will be working on a project in conjunction with the local UU church for that first class- stay tuned for details!

It feels really real now.

An old map of Oakland.

I am writing this the Monday before I pack my son, my birds, and some personal affects into our car and start our journey eastward, to our new home in Ohio. This weekend really hammered home that I may be seeing certain people and things for the last time, and I am in a state of awe and grief. The SF Bay Area, SF and mostly Oakland, has been my home for the last 18 years. I have created relationships, art, institutions, and projects here. It has felt like home since I first visited and now I leave for a place that I have never seen.

Saturday was a gauntlet of personal visits. We visited other initiates of our Witchcraft tradition to say goodbye and were bestowed with gifts. One gift in particular tugged at my heart: When I was pregnant with Rowan, I had some medical complications. My magickal community pulled together and helped me rectify these so that I was able to have a normal vaginal birth. Some made charms for me, others did rituals where they were in the world, still others collaborated on a quilt. Several initiates made quilt squares- they drew in permanent marker on cloth squares the most amazing images for him. And I finally picked them up on Saturday. I am excited to make Rowan this quilt- a lasting and fitting magickal legacy for such a fey child. I will be combining it with a quilt square that I got after Cora Anderson's death- one of the squares she always intended to incorporate into a larger project. Now it will be.

The geese at Lake Merritt.

I also visited a former Craft teacher on Saturday. She is mostly house-bound these days and we chatted about my initiation, my travels, my son, and general small talk. She loves children and is a former Montessori teacher, so she was delighted that Rowan was along for the visit. I am glad he got to spend some more time with her before we leave.

Sunday, we started the day by attending services at our church, First Unitarian Church of Oakland. We got to say goodbye to Dorothy, who staffs the nursery (Rowan just loves her, and I spent some time volunteering there as well, so we caught up since I was teaching Sunday School over the summer and didn't make it to FUCO). I got to say goodbye to a few more seminarians, my ministers, and the director of children programs and religious education (whom I volunteered for last semester). I dropped off some crafting supplies and turned in my key to the church. My keychain is becoming lighter and lighter these days. The service was amazing- a commemoration of 9/11 that managed to be uplifting, angry, and inspiring- all at the same time. I wept. The message that "friction causes growth" was a timely one for my family.

After, we jetted off to SF to drop Rowan off at his best friend's house for a day of play while his parents ran errands and visited some more. We then visited my Witch Mama (the Witch who took my oath) and Witch Sister (a sibling in regards to the fact that my Witch Mama also took her oath). We chatted away and laughed until dinner, and then ate the delicious coq au vin and watermelon salad that they had made for us. When it came time to say goodbye, I could not help it. I started to cry. "Don't forget us", said my witch Sister (as if I ever could!). I managed to hold it mostly together until we got out onto the front porch. There, my Witch Mama sang me a farewell song under the full moon. Gods, I am going to miss her. I am crying even now as I type.

Today (Monday) we are running ourselves ragged trying to accomplish everything- a DMV visit, renting a car while ours gets seen by the mechanics, the last bits of packing and purging. Tomorrow, we are having our last hurrah with our friends (whom will join us in Columbus next year and we will make a home together) at Stinson Beach. Then Wednesday the movers come to take away all our stuff, and we leave Thursday AM. A whirlwind, and I am sure it will pass in the blink of an eye.

Attachment

Spirituality and action: hand-in-hand.

As I pack and purge in preparation for my cross-country move, I am constantly faced with the question of "Does this thing go or stay?" Inherent in this question is an object's value, either practical or sentimental (often both). As a Taurus with heavy earth leanings, I have accumulated a lot of things in my 18 years in the Bay Area, as well as in my travels and residency elsewhere. I love remembering people and places with tangible items.

I have a jar of beach collected shells. It is a jar that used to contain delicious Chincoteague oysters (that I ate- yum!) and the shells are from that island as well, a family trip I took with my ex. It was delightful and amazing and it lives currently in my bathroom. Should it go? All the feathers from parrots that I have cared for in my business since 2004 that live in a vase in my living room- what should be done with those? Should all of my tarot decks go- including the ones that I used in the past but are no longer used?

I have encountered folks who are armchair Buddhists or spiritual dabblers making comments about "letting go of my attachments" while I ponder what should stay and what should go. And it makes me raise my eyebrows, because these folks obviously do not understand what the Buddha meant by non-attachment as a goal. Here is a website that puts it succinctly:

"[A]ccording to the Buddhist point of view, nonattachment is exactly the opposite of separation. You need two things in order to have attachment: the thing you’re attaching to, and the person who’s attaching. In nonattachment, on the other hand, there’s unity. There’s unity because there’s nothing to attach to. If you have unified with the whole universe, there’s nothing outside of you, so the notion of attachment becomes absurd. Who will attach to what?"

So non-attachment has nothing to do with letting go of material things per se. In fact, it leads me to think that keeping the sentimental is exactly what I should be doing. They are an extension of me- my memories, whether or not they are valuable to someone else.

However, I have to say that this purge (which is quite extensive: we are not taking any furniture, only books, bicycles, temple items, Rowan's things, laptops, a few knick knacks, kitchen gear, and clothes.) has been quite spiritual and cathartic. It feels as though I am clearing the way for a brand new life in my new home by purging things of the past.

I have created a lengthy project of digitizing old photos, papers, and music, so as not to move bulky items like that. I am gifting wonderful items to others that I no longer need or want in my life. I am trying to match the people to the items, so that the giving is meaningful and not simply dumping junk on them. I am donating things to charity. I am recycling. I am donating a ridiculous amount of craft items (how did I get all that stuff?) to the Unitarian Church where I teach Sunday School. In my way, I am trying to bless the place that I called home and the people that I have loved here in my soon-to-be-former home while making a gracious exit.

A Summer of Endings

Today, I attended the first of two memorial services I have scheduled for the week. It has been a summer of endings and death, in more ways than one.

Barry.

Today, I was at my seminary, attending a memorial service for a fellow student- his death was sudden, is still unexplained, and shocking to all of us. His loss is profoundly felt by all that knew him- he was the type of person that made a big impression and was never stingy with his affections, matter-of-fact (quite psychic) advice, or butt kickings (when that was what was needed). As one fellow student said, "I am stunned and angry that I will not be reading his amazing theology and social justice books and getting advice from him in the years to come." Rest in Peace, Barry McCauley.

A tarot tribute to JP.

On Saturday, I am attending the Bay Area memorial for a fellow Radical Faerie sister, JP Hartsong, known to many as Spiral, RootSister, or simply, "Rootsie". He was a lover, an activist, an organizer, and teacher and he had such a profound impact on all that knew him. I always have such respect for those that build- relationships, organizations, families, and tribe- and JP did all of those things with zeal. I am sorry that I was unable (as we all were) to be of more help to him in this life and he chose to end his life in a way that was shocking and sad for those he left behind. I prefer to remember in life, teaching songs and orgaizing gatherings than his passing. May you pass into the next world easily and gently, JP. May you finally find ease.

Gabriel Carrillo on the harp
photo by Tim Wayne.

My partner is working on a project that smacks of endings and death as well- he is in charge of cleaning out a dead initiate's (in the tradition we both are a part of) storage locker and making sure anything of value gets into the right hands. The unit is cram-packed with personal effects and reminders of who this man was- a woodworker, a harpist, and one hell of a Witch. This was my partner's beloved teacher, who died several years ago. I am sure the opening of the storage unit- which symbolizes what tangible items are left of this beloved brother of the Craft will be a little misty-making.

And of course, we are leaving the Bay Area behind. As we make appointments to hang out with people "one last time", plan our Lughnasadh farewell feast, and tie up loose ends, it is bittersweet. We will miss much and many here, but look forward to building a new life in our new home. Every ending is a beginning. Even when we are grieving, we must remember that.

Lughnasadh is coming!

"Kernnunos" by Yannick Germain

I spent my Midsummer circling with other traditional Witches in a small ritual circle and subsequent feast. We invited the red and green man to come visit and tell us of upcoming needs and duties.  It was a pretty traditional sabbat, according to the wheel of the year mythos that my tradition follows.

The next sabbat is coming at the beginning of August- and since we are moving very soon afterwards (across the country from the SF Bay Area to Columbus, Ohio), we are doing a purely social harvest feast rather than planning an elaborate ritual and invoking gods this time around. We want to be surrounded by our friends and chosen family here, regardless of religion. We have decided that Lughnasadh is going to be our farewell party to many of our family and friends here. In case you don't know about this sabbat, here is some background:

It is a harvest festival- one of a few in the Wheel of the Year (the next is Mabon, a type of Witches' Thanksgiving). Lugh, the Irish god of light, called for the celebration at the beginning of August as a funeral feast for his mother, Tailte- who had been a patron of beginning agriculture. What better wake for such a figure than a harvest feast? Lugh also called for games of skill and strength for the celebration, and it has been a favorite time for marriages and handfastings.

The first of the three harvest festivals that make up the Wheel of the Year, Lughnasadh is the "festival of first fruits", where a blessing of the crop would take place around this time of the year as now was the time that apples were beginning to ripen on the trees, summer vegetables being picked from the gardens, and the corn waits to be harvested. It is the time to start gathering in the first harvests of grain, wheat and barley. That is certainly cause for celebration! Baking loaves of bread for this celebration is appropriate and we will certainly do so.

And so we celebrate this year- the Wheel is turning and we Kunnings turn with it. Our family turns eastward- to Columbus, our new home. Any of my readers from central Ohio? I would love to hear from you!