Natural Parenting Update

‎"If there is anything that we wish to change in our children, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves." - Carl Jung

Being a Witch means natural parenting ideas are the ones that come naturally to me, but sometimes it means more work and challenges in life! Rowan is growing so fast, sometimes I just want to document what he's up to so I will remember what the day-to-day was like!

Mmmm. Black Beans!

Baby Led Weaning (BLW): This is a very messy experiment, and if you hate cleaning up messes... well, it would be a hard project for you! Baby led weaning is where you allow your child to experiment with chunks of food, rather than only feeding purees and mashes. This allows your child to develop a healthy gag reflex and distinguish between gagging and actual choking much faster. It also means as a family, you are sharing healthy meals together, and I have noticed that Rowan would much rather eat what we are eating than a separate "baby only" food. BLW should only be done with a parent present, of course. Rowan LOVES his food. He seems to love everything we give him and in myriad ways: to eat it, smear it, squish it, and let juices gush down his chin onto his chest (we strip him to only his diaper these days when he eats- to lessen the clean up!). He is reveling in being a big boy that eats solids- just like mama and papa. And while yes- he has gagged a few times, he has never choked. He's a master!

Speaking and Signing: He has spoken his first word, "ball" which is easily his favorite toy. He pronounces it "bla" (I guess those end L sounds are hard!). As of this week, he has finally mastered the "m" sound and can finally say mama, which he uses to mean ME! (That makes mama smile!) He also knows sign, although he does not do any yet. He most assuredly knows "milk", "food", "sleep", "mama" and "daddy". We are teaching him "ball", "all done", "diaper", and "kiss" now- we are unsure of he understands those yet.

Barrettes and a "girly" stroller. Whatever.

Gender-Free Agenda: Rowan lives in a gender-free world and wears clothes and accessories assigned to any gender. He also has gear that is typically "girly" in most people's eyes and sometimes he even gets called a little girl in public. Whatever.

He also has some new toys that I think are important: a doll and a play purse. The doll I had made for him because I wanted a boy doll that was anatomically correct AND intact, like he is. In my quest, I found boy dolls with no genitalia and boy dolls with circumcised genitalia, but not exactly what I wanted. So I had it made. It is adorable and he loves it, especially biting its cute button nose. The purse is a toy that I found in a toy store after having Rowan carry around my purse and play with it. He obviously wanted one of his own. It's a cute colorful one that comes with a fabric cell phone, fabric play money and wallet, and a little mirror compact (fabric as well). In my opinion, children need toys that help them sort out the world- toys that mimic what adults do (brooms and dustpan, costumes, play food to prepare, and yes- purses) and dolls to help them learn how to relate emotionally to others and have confidantes. I want my son to be an empathetic compassionate person, and he may be a father one day. A doll is a perfect way to help him get started on both roles.

Developing Autonomy: He wants to do most things for himself these days- if we are eating a meal, he wants us to hand him the food piece or put it on his tray. How dare we put it in his mouth for him! And he hates when he is not in control of his body (like when we dress him, wipe a runny nose, or change his diaper) and fights us every step of the way, LOUDLY. He is his own person with his own ideas of how his world should be. It's adorable and we apologize when we must fuss over him in this way.

Co-Sleeping: Rowan has only ever slept in his crib for 10 minutes (we had a co-sleeper bassinette attached to the bed). He was so upset from that experience (I believe that it reminded him of being in the NICU, alone) in his first few hours home that I put him into bed next to me where he snuggled and was able to smell me and he has slept with us ever since. It has worked out quite well, although soon, he will need his own short bed. He is almost a toddler! So we plan on shopping soon for a convertible crib/toddler bed/twin bed/full bed combo to get in the new year.

Vaccinations: Rowan still does not have any vaccinations, and won't until at least a year of age, if then. I know this issue brings up a lot of intense feelings on both sides of the debate and I am doing my best to remain impartial and objective and read as much as I can about it. Needless to say, there are so many problems that I have read about (and yes, I know the autism research was faked- I am talking about other health problems), that I am wary. So I continue to educate myself about it. No decisions need to be made now.

Punkin Patch!

Being Gentle: Rowan is an enthusiastic child, and we encourage that wildness. However, we have done a couple things that I think are confusing to him now that he is stronger and capable of hurting someone. We would, in play, nibble him- which he tries to do now when being playful and loving- but he does it hard sometimes- we are talking all-out biting- WITH TEETH. Ouch.

The other thing that is confusing him is we taught him that good enthusiasm is equated with clapping ("yay!") and now he "claps" ON things he likes and is having fun with- which is to say- he hits them repeatedly, over and over. I am fine when it is a toy, not so fine with it when it is a person or animal. So we are trying to explain the nuance and teach him what gentle touches are like. It is slow going. I think I am going to have to channel my inner thespian and cry to get his attention or something- cuz when we say "no", he laughs. While I am glad that he does not understand to fear someone if they are stern, it does make for a conundrum getting your point across. When we say "gentle" and use his hand to stroke what he just hit, he'll do that for a while, then it's back to hitting. Sigh.

Getting Around: He is a mobile baby- and boy can he move fast! He can crawl so fast we have to jog to catch up and it will no doubt be soon that he is walking. He already crawls to furniture, only to pull himself up and stand there (and sometimes dance). He has taken one step already, but usually he falls to his butt and starts to crawl if you ask him to come over. We hope that soon he'll be walking- after all, he's getting heavy!

Book Review: Teach Your Baby to Sign by Monica Beyer

I had considered teaching Rowan ASL or a modified version of it even before he was born. I had read articles talking about the benefits and was more than a little intrigued; there are studies that show it boosts IQ, helps with further language acquisition, and alleviates frustration in pre-verbal children (they can make their needs clearer and actually get them met.)

To me, it seemed like the perfect companion to my attachment parenting philosophy: if the child deserves to be listened to and have his cries responded to, then doesn't it make sense to give the child a way to express herself if they are able? Babies reach motor skills long before verbal ones. It just makes sense to teach sign alongside language, so that your child can tell you about his wants and needs.

From the book: "Signing has many benefits. For instance, your child will not only be able to tell you when he is hungry, cold, or suffering from an earache, but when he sees a bird in a tree or needs help getting his favorite toy from a shelf. Signing helped my children feel that they could come to me with their ideas, needs, and wants, and they knew that I would more than likely be able to understand and help them- all without saying a word."

Language is language. You can teach a personal family form for signing, or you can teach ASL, the language used by deaf people in the US. (Other countries deaf populations have signed languages as well.) Recently, there was a study involving two groups of children -- one group that was taught baby signing and another group that was not. The researchers found that eight-year-olds who had learned a simple form of baby sign language using invented signs did better on IQ tests than comparable children who had not learned baby sign language.

The advantages for teaching actual ASL rather than a personal form, though are numerous:  there are so many resources available, many of them free or low cost, for teaching ASL. There are between 500,000 and 2 million people who use ASL in the United States and you are opening a door to communicating with them for your child. And learning languages while the brain is still forming is the best time to learn, and it creates pathways in the brain that assists with further language acquisition later. There are great websites that can assist:

• SigningTime.com, has videos for all ages (and the website offers video samples).
• ASL Pro has an ASL for Babies dictionary online, with video clips of adults signing. 
• SigningBaby.com, the website of this book's author. 

I found the websites very helpful for learning myself, but I am "old school" and like to have a book at my disposal, when I am offline and wanting to learn a new sign to teach my son. So the quest for a good book began! There are a lot of guides, but I quickly became frustrated with many of them. A common complaint I had was that the illustrations, photos, or descriptions of how to make the sign were unclear. Another complaint I had was how the material was organized. Sometimes, I found it very hard to find the sign that I wanted to teach!

That changed when I found this book. It is organized in a way that makes sense for a parent of a small child: Routines and Needs, Animals, Fun and Nature, Let's Eat!, On the Move, People and Places, Advanced Concepts (mostly adjectives like big and small, etc), Teaching the Rainbow (colors), and Signing the Alphabet. The Sign Index was excellent as well, allowing me to find what I needed pretty quickly. The illustrations are the clearest that I've seen, and are accompanied by a paragraph describing how to make the sign as well.

I would recommend this book for anyone interested in the idea of signing with their child (the first chapter is all about the how and why and anyone interested in taking the plunge).

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Formal Rating:

Title: Teach Your Baby to Sign, An Illustrated Guide to Simple Sign Language for Babies
Author: Monica Beyer
Publisher: Fair Winds
Price: $17.95 USD , $22.95 CAN, 10.99 UK
ISBN: 1-59233-273-0

Topics Covered: Non-Verbal Communication, Signing, ASL, Adapted ASL

Target Audience: Parents and Caregivers of Pre-Verbal Children
 
Witch Mom Rating: Three Hats:

 Excellent guide to an often complicated topic. Very handily arranged by topic, with a good index in the back to help you find what you are looking for. Illustrated well, and also photographs of common signs.