Why Do We Hate Children So Much (Links)?

After being a parent for several years, I can only conclude that our culture hates children.

Some adults ignore my son when he tries to talk to them. He looks at me, bewildered and says, "They're not answering, mommy." I shoot them a glare and say pointedly, "Yes honey- some people are just rude."

Some adults roll their eyes if Rowan's emotions run away with him and he is loud about it (He is learning how to be in control of himself- but it is a process that requires practice. No one is born with it). These adults are the same adults who do not want to be in close quarters (airplanes, elevators, restaurants) with him and freak not-so-subtly when he arrives.

The world includes humans of all ages, and I call bullshit on this artificial construct of being in "adult only" space we have created.

Below are four links that speak to this topic.

What is "adult privilege"?

How other cultures raise infants and children and why ours is so problematic.

Adult privilege run amok makes family travel a nightmare.

Expectations of public behavior are often stacked against children and those that are different than the political norm.

Even More the Gender Agenda

Gender is several things, although most people confuse them.

I am raising Rowan without an assumed gender. It is perplexing to his grandparents, who try and "boy him up" every chance they get, but we believe it is necessary to make him a full human being, rather than a caricature of what most in our culture think what boys or girls are.

When he is old enough he can choose. He can even choose daily. Lately, he fluctuates between saying he's a boy, a girl, and a raccoon. A chocolate raccoon!

Some days, he's "Rowan", sometimes, he's "Princess Doe", and most days, he prefers "Boop-a-Noodle". He likes pink and purple, and frankly ALL colors, especially ones that sparkle. Like this father, we support his choices and defend them to people who think they know better than him what his "gender" is.

Booper gets it, most kids do. It's only after a lifetime of oppressive socialization that we adults conform to others' expectations of our genders. Booper knows- people are people. We can all wear whatever we want, have our hair however we want, we can like do play any kind of game. Those who restrict our full humanity and exploration are simply not fun.

We had a funny conversation recently. It happened after he got into some paint he wasn't supposed to, and I told him it was for adults.
Rowan: "When I grow up and be a mommy, I gonna use paint."
Me (seizing this opportunity):  "Hmmm. You know, Rowan- most boys, like you, grow up to be men (who could possibly be a daddy) and most girls like (your friend) grow up to be women (who may choose to be a mommy). But some boys grow up and choose to be women (like mommy), and boys grow up and choose to be men (like daddy). When you grow up, what do you want to be?"
This is where Rowan showed me his true age and told me he wanted to be a chocolate raccoon. He is too young to choose, just like he is too young to be restricted. So why would I do that or let anyone else do that to him?

Children in The United States

"Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values.

You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel. Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying."

This image has little to do with the topic,
but OMG- babies eating solids at 3 weeks?!

I read a lot of blogs. Mommy blogs, natural parenting blogs, pagan blogs. The above quote is from a Christian mommy blogger and I find the quote oddly compelling and find myself agreeing with it (sans the Christian sentiment of persecution, which I find silly).

I believe that mothers in the United States do indeed carry their children into hostile territory. The United States is generally very unfriendly to children and families.

Most policies, be they from employers, the government, or even private citizens make it so very difficult to simply enjoy being with your children- especially "in public". We segregate children (and old folks, actually) from the rest of the (able-bodied, privileged, income earning) population as a matter of course. I know most people feel more comfortable that way. (All you have to do is read the comments on myriad Facebook pages about the above-linked restaurant ban of kids under six to understand most people actually hate or fear kids.) But we are denying the actual cycle of life when we stratify our society. We are alienating ourselves from normalcy when we don't wish to be around people of all ages. We are creating a stunted, artificial society that will ultimately harm us all.

Babies cry to communicate: feelings, ideas.
They have few words at their disposal,
and that can be frustrating.
Do you actually think parents want a scene in
public either? It happens, it will happen, and
the childless need to get over it.

Forgive me, parents of yesteryear. Before I had a child of my own, I was probably one of those people that thought to myself, "Can't they get that child to shut up?" Now I understand. The looks I get in the supermarket when my teething son cries, or when he is overtired and needs a nap are vicious sometimes. As if those folks have more rights than my son (which they do, of course)! Children are treated like property in this culture- not individuals with feelings. It is maddening.

Finally, I have had enough. I am not going to put up with other people's crap about kids any longer (she says, as she is about to embark on a cross-country road trip with a toddler- gulp).

The last time someone gave me a look of disdain when my son cried, I flippantly said, "Oh- I'm sorry that my son's feelings are inconvenient for you.", and gave them a look that could melt glass. I am the mean mama bear and I will take you out, mister.