Religion versus Spirituality: What a Crock!

The annoyance came to me while on Facebook. This picture (to the left), posted by a couple people on the same day, right on the heels of a debate that I had (in a small group of pagan-esque seekers) about cultural appropriation in spiritual practices.

In the debate, one particularly offensive member of the group misquoted Crowley (stating, "do what thou wilt" as a way of saying- "appropriate away, if it works for you".) I cringed, then took on that issue. And took it on, and took it on, and took it on.

Because the idea that we are ENTITLED to whatever we are attracted to is pervasive in this culture- and people fight to keep that "entitlement". No one wants to believe that they are being racist or some similar ism.

It has been couched as the "religion versus spirituality" debate. But that is a false trope.

The media tells us we "deserve" what we desire through news, commercials, and entertainment. Most people in the United States (and elsewhere) actually believe it. (If you can afford it, that is. This is why I think cultural and spiritual appropriation are so commonplace in the US- it's essentially low cost or free (monetarily speaking)- so anyone can do it.) But theology is not for sale. Anyone telling you otherwise is a religious profiteer. These folks are usually selling you a book, a workshop, or something from their pagan shop most of the time, ever notice that? How convenient eclecticism is for these folks who have something to sell- there's always a new product line!

It is my experience that people who appropriate other people's spiritual practices, cherry picking this and that without deep understanding of historical or theological context (and studying those traditions in depth for quite some time) are hella defensive about their "practices"- defending them by calling names ("bullies" or "elitists") on those who would call them out on their offenses.

So people fight me on this point A LOT:
"It works for me."
"Who are you to criticize someone else's spiritual practices?"
"Each path is individual! You do what works for you, I'll do what works for me."

Do you notice any commonalities in those statements? The common thread is ME ME ME.

From my original Facebook rant:

The word religion actually means "to retie" and the function of religion is to retie a person to everything else. It's about connection (for my religion, it re-ties me to other creatures (including humans), other living beings (plants, non-corporeals), and the land. 

Spirituality is about individualism "I do this, this works for ME". It is about the individual (which is why it works so well in capitalist systems- everyone is looking for the shiny new thing right out of the package. This works well for Deepak and all the other capitalist gurus out there, be they New age, pagan, or otherwise.)  

People who insist on only doing things THEIR WAY never advance spiritually. They pick things that are comfortable. Religion isn't about comfort- it's about connection. And damn if that isn't uncomfortable some days (anyone who takes public transit knows what I mean.)

I call bullshit on individualism wrapped up in a "spiritual" package.

Irresponsible eclecticism is cultural appropriation. It is white supremacist thinking (regardless of who individually is appropriating). It is capitalism** applied to theology. Which I also call "New Age"- because New Age is about providing a product or service, for a cost, to address your "spiritual need". It's the "take a pill" mentality.

And make no mistake, Deepak Chopra is all about New Age thinking. He profits wildly from "spiritual" capitalism pumping out feel-good platitudes that challenge no one. Because again, spirituality is not about challenge. It's supposed to make you feel good about what you are already doing or not doing. It may inspire a new hobby or interest- but only so far. "Spirituality" is for dabblers.***

This picture's sentiment irritates the crap outta me, particularly in pagan circles. We should be better than this. Our ideas, theologies, holidays, and more were appropriated by folks that wanted to convert or exterminate us. And we do it to others? No, I say. And I will speak out when I see it happening.

Deepak is so fucking wrong- the quote is just plain wrong. Religion is a set of traditions but it does not exclude personal experience at all. There is room for gnosis in religion. And religion does not *have to* include belief. My religion does not need belief, as I have experience and deep gnosis that tells me what is true. Deepak is being reactionary and throwing the baby out with the bathwater (for a tidy sum, I'll add snarkily).

"Spirituality", on the other hand, is a watered down term that is basically meaningless because there is no specificity. It could be anything. Just like that term "pagan".

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*It should go without saying (but because this is the internet, I will say it anyway to avoid assumptions on the part of a reader) not ALL authors, shop keeps, or teachers are cultural appropriators (or even eclectics). Many are deeply rooted in a specific tradition and do the work of their calling. But beware of eclectics and dabblers who ride the latest wave of shiny (This week, traditional craft! Last week: conjure!). They have no substance.

** I can criticize capitalism for multiple blog posts in and of itself, but for the sake of this post, when I say "capitalism" think, "making money off of anything and everything possible- including ideas and other living creatures".

***There is nothing wrong with dabbling. I have dabbled in plenty of things. But call your "practice" what it is. Dabbling does not a complete theology make. Dabbling does not lead to mastery. And that is what a true religion does- religion is designed to make us masters of ourselves. And that means tackling the hard stuff.

Sidebar: I understand that many criticisms of religion (ie. "organized religion" or abrahamic religion, or even more narrowly, Christianity) come from people eschewing all organization and structure. They do this because they have been stung by hierarchy. Shit, we ALL have. But that approach is foolish.
Structure and hierarchy are not the same thing. (Shit, even the word hierarchy has been co-opted. It doesn't have to mean "unilateral power over people and things". It simply means "structure" too. ) And ALL living things need to have a structure to survive and thrive.  Folks who have valid criticisms of systems of power and their abuse owe it to themselves and the struggle to know what it is that you are criticizing and to be specific about it.

Why Do We Hate Children So Much (Links)?

After being a parent for several years, I can only conclude that our culture hates children.

Some adults ignore my son when he tries to talk to them. He looks at me, bewildered and says, "They're not answering, mommy." I shoot them a glare and say pointedly, "Yes honey- some people are just rude."

Some adults roll their eyes if Rowan's emotions run away with him and he is loud about it (He is learning how to be in control of himself- but it is a process that requires practice. No one is born with it). These adults are the same adults who do not want to be in close quarters (airplanes, elevators, restaurants) with him and freak not-so-subtly when he arrives.

The world includes humans of all ages, and I call bullshit on this artificial construct of being in "adult only" space we have created.

Below are four links that speak to this topic.

What is "adult privilege"?

How other cultures raise infants and children and why ours is so problematic.

Adult privilege run amok makes family travel a nightmare.

Expectations of public behavior are often stacked against children and those that are different than the political norm.

Raising a Boy in Rape Culture

Lately, the news has been filled with horrific tales of teenage boys raping teenage girls and lots of victim blaming. Some victims have even committed suicide after being bullied after the rape. It gives a mama pause. How to raise a compassionate, respectful boy who grows into a respectful, compassionate man? We have started early. Rowan is three, but he is learning about body integrity, respecting other people's boundaries, and how to interact respectfully with others.

There are a lot of triggery links on this post, but please- if you have children, especially male children read them and talk to your kids NOW about this. I agree with this mom- it is an emergency:

"I don’t know how we stop boys from raping girls and posting the photos online. This has been happening far too often lately, and I’m sure there are many cases we still don’t know about. Because sex education is rarely taught in schools, rape education is never taught. I know as a parent I talk to my eldest son about these things and I will talk to my daughter about these things when she is older, even though I know my son is a smart, gentle kid who would never do anything like this, I talk to him about it anyway because I HAVE to. We all have to. I don’t know what else to say about this but my heart is broken.Please talk to your kids. This is an emergency."

A post of mine on Facebook, linking to an article about young boys learning todisrespect at an early age with the "boys will be boys"defense:

As a parent of a boy, I am glad to say that we have started early avoiding the "boys will be boys" behavior. Our child knows "back up and give them space", "you need to ask how your friends want to play together" and many more personal boundary and cooperative behaviors.It starts with simple things that can be easily dismissed by gender essentialists like knocking over towers. It cascades from there. After a childhood of learning that boys trump girls and they have no responsibility for the feelings of others, what do we expect?

I believe that these lessons need to be repeated often. Here is commentary from afather of a 4 year old boy on the Steubenville rape case:

'Convicted Steubenville rapist Ma’lik Richmond’s lawyer is planning to appeal the guilty verdict because – he says – at 16 years old, his client’s brain isn’t fully developed, and as such, he might not understand that rape is wrong.My son, all of four years old, is chewing his last strawberry mouthful as I finish my definition of rape and sexual assault, and my explanation of why forcing himself onto a girl—even his “girlfriend”, even just a kiss—is wrong. He gets it. His brain is far from fully-developed, but he nods as my sentence trails off and my hands fall back down to the table. “Okay, daddy. I won’t do it anymore,” he says. He slides off of his chair and gallops back to his cartoons.I know my son didn’t rape his preschool ex-”girlfriend.” And in all liklihood, he didn’t sexually assault her either. But when she let him know that she didn’t like him kissing her, it opened up our first conversation on the topic. And though I’m not completely sure I’m speaking on his level, I know I’d rather speak to him now so he knows that this is a topic between us. The rougher road lies ahead, but I’ve paved the first block and that’s what matters.'

I replied on Facebook:

We are working with my 3 year old son on boundaries and space and bodily consent. He knows to "give people space" if they ask. He knows that touching someone when they don't want it or they ask you not to is wrong (we even gave daddy a "time out" for continuing to tickle him when our son asked him to stop), and he knows that he needs to ask how his friends want to play together, instead of exerting his will upon others.That defense is some bullshit.

The national dialogue that puts rape prevention on women and girls is not where we should be focusing our energy. Rape is not a women's problem- while women and girls are most often the victims, boys and men must be taught, from birth onward, to respect others bodies, minds, and ideas.

"Responsible parentscan speak to their daughters about how to minimize their chances ofbeing raped. But the greater conversation we need to have is how tostop men and boys from raping. We have had years, and years, andyears of rape prevention seminars for women, of safety tips andclasses, of helpful hints so you don’t end up beaten and left in analley somewhere after being sexually assaulted. We need the same sortof seminars, and pamphlets, and websites dedicated to teaching boyshow not to rape. We need male politicians, and celebrities andathletes to do PSAs about how not to rape. We need fathers to talk totheir sons about not raping. Women? We do this. We talk about rape,we are vocal about rape, we write about rape and protest rape anddonate money to anti-rape organizations and write letters to getstricter rape laws passed. But we need more men to be as vocal as we are. "

How are you teaching your son in this regard?

Ask Me Anything: Evil

This? This is Baphomet.
He is known by many names and is NOT evil.

I was recently asked by a reader to explain how I think about the nature of evil. This came on the heels of an interesting Facebook discussion on a fellow blogger's page about the same subject. So I have been mulling it over.

I do not believe evil is a force of its own in the world- like the way many Christians see "the devil" or the way many prefer to label those that murder, rape or commit acts of atrocity. It is never so simple or easy. The truth is much more awkward and uncomfortable. The scary fact is, we are ALL capable of horror- and it is up to us to cultivate ethics and compassion in ourselves and others as a culture to prevent such terrible acts. It is easy and convenient to distance yourself from acts of "evil" that others do- and I am sure it makes folks sleep better at night to do so.

Most things we tend to classify as "evil" tend to fall into two camps: 1. things that we are frightened of and do not understand and 2. disconnected beings who commit great atrocities.

Camp Number One:
There are entities that I have encountered out there who are not exactly fun "love and light" beings. I would become their snack if they had their way. Some cultures and religions call them demons or other similar names.

Does that make them evil? No. It makes them predators.

Do we villianize lions, orcas, or preying mantis' for their actions in the world? Of course not. That is because we understand their place in the world and have taken pains to remove ourselves (for the most part) from their predations. The same is true for "demons" or whatever you want to call them. I am sure that they have a role to play, we simply do not understand it. Does that make them any less scary? Hell no. Will I ward, blast, and defend myself and mine from them. Oh you betcha.

Camp Number Two:
People who commit mass murders and torture others and rape fall into that second category- and frankly, those people scare me more than the things that go bump in the night. Because a disconnected person is dangerous. They have no empathy, no conscience. They can do great evil because of their disconnection, and it is very hard, if not impossible, to connect someone like that to the All-There-Is. This effect is sadly contagious- and many disconnected people together can cause wars, genocide and more. And this disconnection is our fault- not just theirs. We all create culture together- and we are only as strong, compassionate, and affluent as the weakest, alienated, poor person in our society.

How do you see evil? How do we overcome it?

Practical Magic Blog Party!

This is a post for the Practical Magic Blog Party! Check out the dozens of posts here, all inspired by this movie that so many love.

OK, I am admitting it- out loud and in public. I enjoy Practical Magic (the movie and the book). For the sake of this blog post (blogs being a visual medium and all) I will talk about the movie this time around. Why do I love this kitchy film*? First off, who wouldn't want Dianne Wiest and Stockard Channing as their doting aunties and Witchcraft mentors? They are funny, practical and fierce.

Second, Practical Magic is one of the rare movies out there that portray Witches with a sense of humanity and fairness while also showing some of the problems Witches face out in the world. It shows that magic(k) has consequences, some of which you cannot anticipate. It shows how flawed Witches can be, despite having "powers".

OMG this kitchen is amazing.

And ultimately, my gods- I love that house! That house is the be-all and end all of houses. New England architecture and landscape calls to me like no other place on earth. (I am convinced that I lived on the rugged choppy coast, where forest meets rocky shore before. While I did not live in such a magnificent palace in my mind's eye, I would never turn down such an offer!) That house is a Witch's palace.

From the spellworkings done in the greenhouse to the digging a grave near the rose arbor in the yard, to the jumping from the roof to entertain the kids on Halloween to the infamous "Midnight Margaritas" scene in the kitchen, the movie and this house inspires good memories. Would that all Witches have such a building to contain their work and inspire them so!

I leave you with a scene from the movie that makes me giggle each time:

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*For the record, I also love Rosemary's Baby and The Wicker Man. Oh yes, I do.

Children in The United States

"Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values.

You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel. Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying."

This image has little to do with the topic,
but OMG- babies eating solids at 3 weeks?!

I read a lot of blogs. Mommy blogs, natural parenting blogs, pagan blogs. The above quote is from a Christian mommy blogger and I find the quote oddly compelling and find myself agreeing with it (sans the Christian sentiment of persecution, which I find silly).

I believe that mothers in the United States do indeed carry their children into hostile territory. The United States is generally very unfriendly to children and families.

Most policies, be they from employers, the government, or even private citizens make it so very difficult to simply enjoy being with your children- especially "in public". We segregate children (and old folks, actually) from the rest of the (able-bodied, privileged, income earning) population as a matter of course. I know most people feel more comfortable that way. (All you have to do is read the comments on myriad Facebook pages about the above-linked restaurant ban of kids under six to understand most people actually hate or fear kids.) But we are denying the actual cycle of life when we stratify our society. We are alienating ourselves from normalcy when we don't wish to be around people of all ages. We are creating a stunted, artificial society that will ultimately harm us all.

Babies cry to communicate: feelings, ideas.
They have few words at their disposal,
and that can be frustrating.
Do you actually think parents want a scene in
public either? It happens, it will happen, and
the childless need to get over it.

Forgive me, parents of yesteryear. Before I had a child of my own, I was probably one of those people that thought to myself, "Can't they get that child to shut up?" Now I understand. The looks I get in the supermarket when my teething son cries, or when he is overtired and needs a nap are vicious sometimes. As if those folks have more rights than my son (which they do, of course)! Children are treated like property in this culture- not individuals with feelings. It is maddening.

Finally, I have had enough. I am not going to put up with other people's crap about kids any longer (she says, as she is about to embark on a cross-country road trip with a toddler- gulp).

The last time someone gave me a look of disdain when my son cried, I flippantly said, "Oh- I'm sorry that my son's feelings are inconvenient for you.", and gave them a look that could melt glass. I am the mean mama bear and I will take you out, mister.