Looking and Feeling Young

The other day, I got (what most people would call) a compliment on my looks. They said that I "didn't look 42", and "looked at least 10 years younger".

In addition to having some feyness, some healthy fat on my bones, and not smoking (anymore); I also didn't tan relentlessly when I was younger (yay, gothdom!). These things help a lot in keeping bodies healthy and not overly ravaged by time. But I also attribute my youthful appearance to what I eat and put on my body as well (and chasing a preschooler!).

I do not use commercial beauty products anymore, and I think this helps a lot. To clean my body and "make it up", I use natural products, most of which are much less expensive than commercially bought stuff and so much better for your body. I no longer use a foundation- and the last time I did, I was using tinted moisturizer by Dermalogica or Dr. Haushka. I don't put on a lot of makeup- and when I do use it, a liquid eyeliner (body shop), and a lipstick (I have amassed quite the collection) are about it.

I am still using the "no poo" and "no conditioner" that I wrote about last June. I think my hair is healthy and shiny. I also make our deodorant, our first aid creams, our cold medicines, and our moisturizers. I am in the process of making a migraine remedy making tincture of feverfew, white willow bark, and California poppy.

I have dry skin and I used to shower then oil my body (just a combination of good-for-skin oils, with olive as the base). Now I use a sugar scrub exfoliant that has plenty of oil and essential oils (I switch it up for fun- sometimes it is lemongrass for purification, sometimes I want tingly cinnamon!) and moisturizes as I wash. A month's supply of sugar scrub is about 21 cents- and once you invest in essential oils, you will have most of the ingredients around to keep yourself in supply. I only shower every few days because of my dryness. So I need to moisturize in between bathing. In the summer, I need a lotion (that I make myself)- but now that I am back in dry midwestern winter, I actually use raw unrefined shea butter on my face daily! I personally think it makes my skin radiant, and before it completely soaks in (it is solid at room temperature), it forms a weather barrier on my face that really helps prevent tiny eczema patches.

Speaking of eczema- I don't really get it anymore (again, I attribute whole foods and natural toiletries)- and if there ever is a tiny bit, it comes in smaller than a dime. Carrot oil or shea butter takes care of it immediately.

So, what does our family eat? There's a joke going around that "natural foods" and "organic foods" are simply what our grandparents called "food".

Here's an example: this week, when we had tacos, we went out of our way to get corn tortillas without crap in them (most of the standard supermarkets here carry tortillas with unpronouncible ingredients- bleh!). I cooked a pork roast (that came from a pig that was purchased in advance, raised on a farm in Appalachia, and slaughtered and processed with the cuts and preparation we specified) in the crock pot all day with onions, cumin, oregano, and salt. I soaked overnight, then simmered pinto beans all day and pureed them in the food processor with leftover bacon fat from our nitrate free, grass-fed bacon, olive oil, garlic, oregano, and cumin. We ate it with crap-free loca; Amish sour cream from the co-op, fresh made salsa (not by me, but local) and cheese. While the meal took all day to cook, there was little actual hands-on work for it. It was delicious and I have leftover pork for lunches and refried beans in the freezer for future meals.

So to make a long post short, I guess my "secret" is simple living and avoiding overly processed stuff. What are your secrets to staying healthy and young?

The Nature of God Herself and the Universe

Originally taken from here, no artist credit at that site.
Pretty, no?

 In my theology, I embrace paradox- after all, I am a hard polytheist compared to most neo-Wiccans (who believe all goddesses are "the goddess" and all gods are "the god". Yet I believe that we (gods, humans, rocks, and everything) are All One. We are God Herself, having an individuated experience through us. Individuality is an illusion. In this, I find common ground with monotheists like Sufis, mystic Jews, Gnostics, and Unitarian Universalists.

"Universe, may every aspect of my being be converted to truth. May every cell fall into place and serve a higher plan. I no longer wish to be who I was. I wish to be who I am." -Marianne Williamson

This post I came across a few months ago really spoke to me and encouraged me to write a bit about what I believe about the divine. Hard work to do, really. Most gnosis I have of Them is experiential, so putting this information into words for others to grasp is a difficult task, so bear with me.

I personally see the individuated gods the ways I see humans- we are individuated so that the Star Goddess can experience life individually- which is foreign and novel to Her. She gets a corporeal experience with we humans, and a non-corporeal experience with gods (and other beings like them). She gets to experience all the wonderful manifestations through all of us- gender and sexuality, bodily and energetic life in its infinite manifestations, and so much more. In this way (among others) we are the gods' equals.

"You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop." -Rumi

Lucifer, Lord of Light.

The gods that I work closely with- Lilith, Lucifer, Ganesh, The King and Queen of Elphame*- all of them are very different from one another. They all have varying "flavors" energetically and have different roles to play and myriad lessons to impart. They are indeed individuals as much as I am one- separate from you and everyone else, dear reader. To think that all the myriad gods are one is correct and incorrect. They are actually One, but that One includes all goddesses and us, too.

To lump all "male" deity into one camp and all "female" into another creates yet another fiction (in addition to the fiction of individuation). It creates the fiction that the gods have gender. They don't. We choose to see them in specific ways because humans cannot help the clasification we do. We like categories and place everything into them. (Just ask any ceremonial magician, with those correspondance charts! I kid, I kid!)

Work with deity for me means experiencing them individually, getting to know them intimately. In this way, I can get close to Her- the All-There-Is, who is terrible and in many respects unknowable. It is the same with human relationships too. Living in peace with others and finding resolution is a religious act.

We experience mundane life as individuals and we experience others in this fashion, too. And that is part of the truth- but not the whole truth. The whole truth is that we are all Her, all connected and One. And at amazing, breathtaking, awe-inspiring times I can feel that. It's why I do magick and have ritual. It's why I partake of divine possession and entheogens. I can feel it when I have the best Sex. Sometimes that feeling is pleasant, but often the sensation is overwhelming and uncomfortable. So the individuation is a blessing and a gift to me as much as it is to Her, experiencing individuated life through me.

Lilith

In my tradition, we often work with a specific triad** of goddesses (who represent not just three moon phases, but yes, also that) and dyads of gods (we often call them divine twins). (We also have twinnings of gods and goddesses, 'cuz we roll like that.) Often novices who do not understand the theological underpinnings in the tradition see the twins as simple dualisms and conflate them with neo-Wiccan fertility pairings. I assure you, they are NOT. We have twins because as Rumi so beautifully put it, ""God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly - not one."

That's it for now. But if you have any comments or questions, I would love to hear them, either in the comments below or on the Facebook page!

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* and of course, I work with more than those, but those are the most common "go-to" beings.
**and where there are three, there are always four!

Happy Wolf Moon (or, a Love Letter to My Son)

Dear Rowan,

I wrote this the day of the Wolf Moon of 2013. That moon hung low, yellow, and pendulous in the sky this morning, pre-dawn as you and I drove your father to work. We sang, "Look up, it's the moon!" to you in the back seat. Did you know that we sing every day now because of you?

Yesterday, we celebrated your birthday and your grandparents from both sides trekked to see you and spoil you rotten. You had kids over to play "Bozo buckets", pin the tail on the donkey, and to bust a piñata. You got gifts and affection and attention galore. I made a pink dragon cake for you and added to my birthday playlist on my iPod. I brought out the felt banner that I made for your first birthday, and the green pillar candle we have had since your birth altar that we now burn on your birthdays. I had everyone sign your special book that we have had since your baby shower.

It was three years ago on the Wolf Moon that I labored with you. That day was an adventure and uncharted territory for me, but it was nothing compared to the adventure we are having together now. Motherhood is amazing and I am so lucky to have you in my life. You make me laugh and smile every day and I am so grateful for that. We learn and share, grow and change- together. You are my favorite person and I love you so much.

You were born in the San Francisco Bay Area and we currently live in Columbus Ohio. We'll probably live here five or so more years. We moved here for you- a sacrifice, yes. I use the word not to martyr myself, but in the original meaning of the word- "to make sacred". As parents, we opt to make decisions that we would not make if we were single and childless. And we do it with joy, freely and lovingly. We moved to Ohio because needed a cheap place that was closer to extended family and a support network (so we could get back on our feet financially while still giving you a childhood worth nostalgia- one with playing outdoors, music lessons, and camping vacations).

Right now, daddy is working to get back to college, and mama is working on finishing her grad degree, too. Once we have those pieces of paper, we will have better skills to support our family the way we want to- flexible schedules (so we can spend oodles of time with you!) and decent wages for our work (so we can live somewhere nice with you and give you experiences worth having).

Here in Columbus, we have the ability to pay off student loans and live cheaply (as students with a kid are wont to do) for a while. We don't plan to be here forever, but while we are here, I get to show you wonders like snow forts and lightning bugs. We have a great zoo, an amazing library, and cool science museum for kids here. I am unschooling/homeschooling by choice-  as the different child of weird parents, I want you to live as free from judgment and scorn as possible. As your main teacher, I set a few goals, but you choose most of where and how we learn. Here in the midwest, you get to experience not-so-subtle seasons as the Wheel of the Year turns and we teach you about nature, the sabbats, and the world around you.

I cannot wait for the next phase of our family's evolution- back west, but to a new city. In the meantime, I am enjoying every minute of your preschool and early elementary years here in the Capitol City. We are in the right place for this time.

I love you so much.

Love, Your mama.

Watching My Son Grow: Goal Setting

I have always be a "do-er". I am a list maker, a goal setter, a strategic planner. I also believe in letting kids be kids and letting play and natural exploration govern their learning. So how do I strike a balance between these two philosophies with my son?

Introducing... "The Rowan Station"! It is a kid-height bulletin board in our kitchen that helps Rowan focus on things we (his father and I consult on these things with Rowan) think he needs to work on. They are interests that come up (Soon he will be taking violin, for example. I never would have picked that instrument- Rowan picked it. (I am more of a drum girl, myself.) I look forward to rusty hinge noises during practice for the coming years- groan!), as well as developmental milestones, and age-appropriate topics. We pick five- it seems like a reasonable amount of things to juggle and maintain interest without being overwhelming. With five things, we can switch from topic to topic, so nothing gets boring or seems like we are drilling him (what could divert enthusiasm faster?).

Right now, as Rowan approaches his third birthday, this is what he is working on:

1. Phonics. He knows his alphabet, and is about halfway through knowing the sound of the consonants. It's very exciting, and we cheer him on and tell him how close he is to learning to read himself. He is so excited to learn to read. We go to the library weekly and check out a huge tote bag full of books. We get him picture books as well as young adult chapter books that aren't overly scary. Right now, besides picture books, he is hearing stories from Rudyard Kipling, Maurice Sendak, and Roald Dahl. He loves books and memorizes the shorter ones so he can tell the stories to himself when we are not reading aloud. It is adorable.

2. Manners. Oh my. How this mama wishes that manners were an innate quality humans have. But alas, my preschooler is a beastie with no sense of propriety. Manners is an umbrella term we are using for respecting others and being a good citizen, family member, and friend. What are "bad manners"? Littering, crowding people, watching people in the bathroom, staring at others while in a restaurant, chewing with your mouth full, picking toe jam or your nose at the table (ugh!), and interrupting conversations (particularly with shouting, whining, or demands). We are focusing on giving people space, privacy, and table manners while eating right now.

Rowan scored very high in problem solving
in his preschool assessment. Here he is,
piecing a puzzle together.

3. Numbers and Counting. We are spanning the bridge between knowing the memorized sequence of numbers in their order and using that to actually count objects properly. We have him in the kitchen when we cook, "helping us" by counting out tortillas, for example.

The first three items are things we are actively working on, daily (and Rowan is right there, on board). The last two items are things that he is ready to do, according to all the experts, but is not doing as well as he could be. We have them on the list as a reminder to the adults that we should be putting the idea out there and raising the bar gradually on these items.

4. Getting Dressed and Undressed. He has shown no interest in actually doing it himself, which surprises me. He is so eager to be a "big boy" in other areas. We ask him to put on his jacket and after we get the zipper in the right position, to zip it up. He can put on his own frog boots (although he still has not mastered which foot!) but it is harder for other shoes without pull-up handles. He shows no interest in dressing himself, but wants to pick out his own clothes. I think the next step will be that he gets to pick out things if he is willing to put them on (or try).

5. Potty Learning. We would love for him to be actively trying, but right now he isn't. We ask all the time if he wants to sit on the potty, but right now he would rather use a diaper. He actively poops in his diaper instead of trying the potty. Sigh. We are not pressuring him- what's the point? There will come a time when he is ready and it will be a quick process when that time comes. In the meantime, it is something we keep reminding him of because he is at the age to start sometime soon.

If you notice (in the first picture), he also has a small calendar on the board- to teach him about the passage of time. He is curious about it and uses the words "today", "tomorrow", and the days of the week incorrectly at times. So I wanted to show him what they actually mean by using a calendar. I put events on there that will help him mark the passage of time (birthdays, Friday Family Fun Night, potlucks, storytimes, etc.), and we have him cross off the days as they pass. I am hoping that by using a visual aid, he will come to a better understanding of this abstract concept.

How do you teach your kids (both academic subjects at home and life skills)? Do you set goals, either privately amongst adults or including the child(ren)?

My Yule, Appalachian Christmas, Mennonite Christmas/Chanukah with Rowan

Opening Yule gifts.

Life is weird and delightful. Let me just get that out of the way from the get-go. I know that as a Witch (who is a hard polytheist and has a very particular theology counter to what many people know and experience), my life is always going to be a little surreal. That's OK. I chose this life and am happy to live it.

Raising Rowan with our (his father is also a Witch) values while simultaneously respecting the religions of his relatives and friends is always challenging and takes a lot longer than keeping to ourselves or giving up/in to Santa Claus and the typical American secular Christmas.

New Trike!

So this time of year, we celebrate Yule as a family on the 21st, then Christmas with extended family, and then Chanukah with close friends. We counted down to Yule using an advent calendar with special fun and/or candy each day. The morning of the solstice, we opened gifts that were placed beneath a holiday tree that we decorated ourselves (as an event on the calendar!).

I am all about celebrating the traditions that were/are ours as pagans, polytheists, and Witches. I also let Rowan know that Christians do these things too- because they wanted in on the Witchy fun.* So we do the tree, gifts, lights, feasts, all the fun things that most people like about Christmas, but aren't specifically Christian in origin.

A "fallen" snow angel.

Rowan's grandparents are a little puzzled when we tell them that "we celebrated on the 21st", even though they know we are Witches. They ask few questions because they are afraid of the answers. That's OK. At each sabbat, it's all about connection- retying ourselves to the Wheel and each other. So I will not diminish the connection by forcing my views on anyone. And I expect the same from Christians and Jews.

Snow demon

After Yule (in addition to the advent calendar, the tree, and gifts, we had a log that burns three candles, had held a sabbat with other trad Witches in the area at our home), we trekked to Appalachia to Rowan's paternal grandparent's home for Christmas. We had a party that evening with aunties and uncles and cousins (where the family participates in a white elephant gift exchange and receives gifts from the family matriarch), then opened gifts for one another. Rowan made out like a bandit, as did the elder Kunnings- we got a flatscreen TV. (More on this in subsequent blog posts, I am sure.)

Rowan and E.

After several days relaxing with grandparents, we journeyed northward to Bluffton, a charming Mennonite settlement town in Northwest Ohio.

There we celebrated a family Christmas (late) with a family not our own. We traveled there to see our friend, R, and her daughter, E. We know them (and R's partner, D, from our childbirth class with the midwife we shared.

Our children were born a week apart and they have been friends their whole lives, literally. We are close to R and D and cannot wait until they leave San Francisco for Pennsylvania. After that, we will be spending one weekend a month with one another, rotating PA for OH, after they move. Huzzah! For now, we keep in touch with Skype and infrequent visits.

Rowan and E.

Can I just say? I love the way that R's family is with one another. It is a huge family, and very close. They are intellectuals and value education and the arts. It is a pleasure to play "Family Fun Game" with them or watch them open their gift exchange. They are also very active in social justice movements and pacifists, which is a welcome change after Appalachia- where Fox News, polarization, and guns are the norm. R's father is Jewish and her mother is Mennonite. She always resonated with the Jewish side of herself and when she was pregnant, she converted to Judaism and now she and her daughter are Jewish and they do shabbat every week and this time of year, they celebrate Chanukah. So we celebrate with them, too.

My holidays are far from the norm, but I love them. I love that Rowan is growing up with a big universe and knows all kinds of people.

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*When he gets older, I will let him know that many Christians do not understand that what they do is pagan in origin- and that is OK. We do not need to rub it in their faces, as long as Christians do not begrudge us our fun, we will not piss on their parade, either. (And most of the Christians that we know and love do understand that most cultural trappings of Christmas are actually Euro-pagan and do not care.)