Thursday, September 13, 2012

Even More the Gender Agenda

Gender is several things, although most people confuse them.
I am raising Rowan without an assumed gender. It is perplexing to his grandparents, who try and "boy him up" every chance they get, but we believe it is necessary to make him a full human being, rather than a caricature of what most in our culture think what boys or girls are.

When he is old enough he can choose. He can even choose daily. Lately, he fluctuates between saying he's a boy, a girl, and a raccoon. A chocolate raccoon!

Some days, he's "Rowan", sometimes, he's "Princess Doe", and most days, he prefers "Boop-a-Noodle". He likes pink and purple, and frankly ALL colors, especially ones that sparkle. Like this father, we support his choices and defend them to people who think they know better than him what his "gender" is.

Booper gets it, most kids do. It's only after a lifetime of oppressive socialization that we adults conform to others' expectations of our genders. Booper knows- people are people. We can all wear whatever we want, have our hair however we want, we can like do play any kind of game. Those who restrict our full humanity and exploration are simply not fun.

We had a funny conversation recently. It happened after he got into some paint he wasn't supposed to, and I told him it was for adults.
Rowan: "When I grow up and be a mommy, I gonna use paint."
Me (seizing this opportunity):  "Hmmm. You know, Rowan- most boys, like you, grow up to be men (who could possibly be a daddy) and most girls like (your friend) grow up to be women (who may choose to be a mommy). But some boys grow up and choose to be women (like mommy), and boys grow up and choose to be men (like daddy). When you grow up, what do you want to be?"
This is where Rowan showed me his true age and told me he wanted to be a chocolate raccoon. He is too young to choose, just like he is too young to be restricted. So why would I do that or let anyone else do that to him?

1 comment:

  1. I think you are making a very brave parenting choice. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this. Hopefully it will make people think about why they choose to parent the way they do.


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