PantheaCon musings

Lilith by Megaera Callisto Lorenz

So I am back from PantheaCon and am getting settled back into my normal life (albeit with more work involved- I have lots to write from P'Con for PNC Bay Area). Before heading to the 'Con, I perused the schedule this year and decided to cover the kids and family programming, getting several tasks accomplished at once: PNC coverage, spending time with Rowan, and networking and learning from other pagan parents and families.

Friday was all about getting settled in and getting my bearings. I had to do on-site registration for the 'Con, wait in a loooong line to get into my room, then we had a meeting of the Bay Area bureau of the Pagan Newswire collective to decide which stories were going to be covered by whom. My partner and I traded off watching Rowan when we were not attending things with him- and Friday was his night to carouse. So I stayed in.

Saturday morning, I went to John Michael Greer's presentation on the Picatrix, which was fantastic. He recently did a new translation and I am anxious to get a copy (I am a geek like that!). Then I attended a ritual for youth ages 8-12 and interviewed the woman who organized and proposed the event. Then I hung out in my suite for a private event where we did workings that set me abuzz.

We hosted a playdate in the Pagan Playdate suite that afternoon, and there I got to meet more pagan families, and some will be joining us for playdates beyond the 'Con! That was awesome and exciting. We are building the organization, one brick at a time.

Lilith, once more

We hosted a small event in the Casa Vesperus suite and then went to dinner. Because we were out of the hotel, I missed a huge hullaballoo when some Dianic witches refused trans women entrance to their 7 PM ritual. I have to say, I have been upset with the Dianics for some time over this very issue (and will not attend most Dianic rituals for this very reason), and was glad that it became an issue for the community to have its say about.

To exclude certain kinds of women because of their anatomy, biology, or life experience is UNFEMINIST, and I cannot abide this kind of bigotry- especially in the guise of religion. It pains me that some people I genuinely like perpetuate this horrible transphobia and unreligious* behavior. While women have been oppressed, that does not make it okay to oppress others. And that is exactly what is happening here- make no mistake.

My patroness, Lilith, wants me to say publicly that this ritual in question was supposed to be dedicated to Her- yet She is not pleased. Lilith does not approve of this bigoted nonsense. Women- please hear her. Bigotry in Her name will not be tolerated. Organizers playing gender police that night may have some nasty life surprises waiting for them as a result. She has a way of getting her way- by hook or by crook. She has a way of making her Will known, and not always pleasantly. These organizers are obviously not familiar with my Patroness, as She is the patron of sexual and gender variance and freaks of all kinds, among other things. What were they thinking (or were they)? She is not simply the cute feminist icon of "I submit to no man!". This goddess isn't about not doing it missionary-style. No scholarly research was done here evidently- because Lilith would not abide any rite that excludes Her people.

There will be a detailed story about this for Bay Area PNC, I am glad to say- as this issue needs to be out there for the community to read about.

Later that evening, I went to the Oracular Seidh. I am very interested in all kinds of oracular work, and this particular tradition has a great history and lore around this form. I was very affected in the session myself, and some of the tenders felt the need to check in on me a couple times. I was fine, but entering just that trance state myself. Afterwards, even though it was my turn to carouse, I was wiped and went back to the suite to sleep!

Sunday, I was part of a panel introducing the Pagan Newswire Collective. I am hoping there were some in the audience that will become future writers for the Bay Area!

I missed the Family Blot in the next time slot, but heard about it from other attendees (Rowan was melting down and needed a nap) while in the Pagan Playdate suite. We (Rowan and myself) tried to attend the "Fairy Tea Party" for kids after his nap, but it was kind of a disaster for us. The organizers had placed a shiny sequined altar cloth (on the floor! with cookies on it!) in the center of the room, and then did not want any of the kids to touch it right away. Um, what?! That's possibly fine for a 5 or 6 year old, but toddlers? Not so much. Rowan could not wait to grab the shiny and delicious things, much to the organizer's chagrin. He is a wild thing, and it was tough reining him in. He ended up running around the space maniacally and bonked his head so badly he got a goose egg on his forehead. (Before you ask, he is fine). It was not exactly good logistical planning for kids under 2. So we left early. I was able to promote the Pagan Playdate storytime afterwards, so that is where we headed next.

Source: morrigusdaughters.spruz.com

We went to dinner again before the big ritual at 9 PM, which was spectacular. I am glad that I started it well fortified! "Call of the Battle Raven: A Morrigan Devotional" blessed us with a visit from the bean sídhe Herself and I am still mulling over her gifts and demands of us. We all made oaths on her sword to keep throughout the year- and I am excited to start on mine (sorry, but it is a secret!). After the ritual, I was pumped up and on the prowl and organized an impromptu cocktail party at the hotel bar. I got a little tipsy and laughed a lot while Rowan was asleep and in the care of a beloved brother in the Craft (Thanks, Shimmer!).

Monday morning, I got up early again and went to "Passing It On: Creating Sustainable Traditions In Pagan Families" where I networked and interviewed the presenter for my PNC article. There were resources swapped and friends made.

The protesters of the Lilith ritual were given a space to hold a forum/roundtable on this day, which I attended and made my voice heard. I was happy to see that virtually all in attendance were against the discrimination, yet also believed in the integrity of women's and men's ritual space (they just believed, as I do, in self identification as the litmus test for entrance).

What pains me is that while most people I know dismiss this as a "second wave feminist problem" (meaning it is generational and when these die-hards finally pass on, so will this issue), that is not the case- at least here in this instance. Come As You Are Coven, aka CAYA (the CAYA Amazons put on this ritual and run many of their non-PantheaCon women's rituals with the same rules- no trans women) is a fairly new organization that attracts people in their twenties and thirties- many of them new to pagandom and witchcraft- and are certainly a generation or two well past the generation of "second wave feminists". They are, in essence, perpetuating this anti-trans bigotry to a new generation of pagans. This makes me both profoundly sad and incredibly angry.

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As I said at the round table on this issue, If religion does not bring people closer to the earth, to each other and to the gods, it is not actually religion. The roots of the word are "to re-tie" meaning to all those three things. Bigotry disguising itself as religion acts as a force of disconnection- and therefore is not religion at all.

Looking forward to PantheaCon

This weekend is the annual pagan conference PantheaCon that I have attended for the last several years. It is a huge event- last year, close to 2500 people attended, and the hotel is always "sold out" and attendees must book rooms in overflow hotels each year.

Last year, Rowan was the youngest person
at PantheaCon, being only two weeks old.

The conference offers an amazing array of workshops, lectures, entertainment, and rituals in many "pagan" traditions- be they heathen, ceremonial magician, witchcraft, or otherwise. What they do not offer is childcare. Which is a problem, considering how many people are attending these days with their families.

This year, the playgroup I belong to is swapping childcare when possible with one another to help cover some of the times when you want some adult time. This will help balance the needs of Rowan and my needs to have some awesome Witchy goodness on my own. And we are opening the suite for a meet and greet to welcome new members and tell them about our playgroup.

In addition to helping with Pagan Playdate, I am also hosting a hospitality suite for my religious tradition that will have several salons on several topics for its initiates and students. I am also part of the Pagan Newswire Collective, and we will be covering the 'Con as well as doing a meet and greet as well. So, needless to say, I will be busy!

I have decided to cover all the family-friendly and kid-focused events this year for PNC, and this also means that I get to spend some great times with my son while still being present at the 'con and doing my journalistic work. A win-win!

I'll be sure to take pix and report back when my weekend is through! If you follow me on Twitter, you may see more frequent updates over the weekend there.

Witch Mom Related Resources

Ask Me Anything is a way to ask me about anything that you would like to know from me. If your questions is one that would inform others, I may even write a blog post and publish the answer to your question! But even if I don't answer them on the blog, I answer them on the application itself. Examples:

Hi, I came across to your blog today and I'm hoping you can help me. For the past year me and my husband have been victims of black magic curses from my mother in law, we have experience terrible things and I don't know what else to do. Please help.

There are ways to remove any curses, you just need a little bit of help. I would contact Lucky Mojo and see if there is a hoodoo practitioner in your area that can assist you in person. They have trained folks around the world and have a directory of root doctors who can help. http://www.luckymojo.com/

or...

Where did the faeries put my Green Man earrings? They've been missing all summer (the earrings, not the faeries).

Sounds like they have taken them hostage. You haven't been ignoring their offerings, have you? I find a little Bailey's Irish Cream goes a long way...

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We are talking about all sorts of great topics: teaching children about the sabbats, Halloween vs. Samhain, current events that affect pagans, and much more!

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Chip In for co-op childcare at PantheaCon! PantheaCon is the largest pagan conference in the United States, but there is NO childcare available there. This Witch Mom hopes to solve that problem by organizing a volunteer, co-op model of childcare- but there are still costs associated with it: paying for the hotel suite, buying healthy snacks for the kids, and the cost of supplies. If you support childcare at pagan events, chip in!

PantheaCon Wrap Up

This is from my previous, now defunct blog.
Original post date: Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So O’bee, Rowan, and I spent an extended weekend at PantheaCon, the largest pagan conference in the US. We hosted a Feri hospitality suite that had a couple events, attended workshops and rituals, and introduced Rowan to the larger pagan and Feri community.

Many thought that we were nuts bringing a newborn (and me) to the Con so soon after birth. I am still recovering, and Ro needs to be fed at least every 2 hours. But I didn’t think it was that big of a deal- after all, at home, we have to juggle the parrots’ needs with the baby’s- and that prioritization would not be necessary in the hotel. We only had to care for the baby, and we had help with the suite events we hosted. When he was sleeping, we could attend workshops and such with him in tow. When he was hungry or fussy, we had baby time in the room. It went surprisingly well.

I attended much fewer workshops and events at this ‘Con than any of the previous ones that I went to, but that did not bother me in the slightest. There is a level of sacrifice (and here I must note that this word’s original meaning is “to make sacred”) that comes with being a parent, and oddly enough, it is not one that I resent (at least not this weekend, anyway!). Before Ro was here, I may have guessed that I would be slightly resentful or at least wistful to be “missing out”. But to be honest, I was getting something waaaay better staying in with my baby.

O’bee kept checking in with me about going to things and switching off parent duties. We did that really well. But often, I was just fine staying in the room with Ro and letting him go off and do something at the ‘Con. The first day, we arrived in time for the 1:30 programming, but I wanted to get everything settled in the room (and get the limited edition books from Harpy Press as soon as they were available). So O’bee went to Morpheus’ workshop while I attended to Ro and did the vendor room with Ro in tow.

I did not get to an event until 9 pm that evening- The Red God Revel (an ecstatic Feri ritual). O’bee saw me off, then went back up to the room with Ro while mama got some woo time. It felt so good to dance the whole thing! The God was present and palpable, and I was lost on a wave as I danced around with a few hundred others.

On Saturday, I went to a pagan parenting panel (with Ro in tow) and was delighted to meet others in my situation. It became clear that more and more parents are bringing their kids to P’Con and raising them in different pagan/pan/polythestic/magick traditions. There are people to meet up and share ideas with right in my backyard! The panel talked about issues that are brought up being a religious minority (esp. one that is demonized), teaching sex positivity to our kids and the consequences of that (CPS is often called if kids know the names of genitalia or talk to other kids about sex or masturbation, for example), teaching kids your religion or no, etc etc. O’bee joined me towards the end of the panel and we headed up to the Pagan Alliance suite where they had said they were holding a kid-friendly space for parents and their spawn to meet and get some lunch. We met some other parents we didn’t know before who also live in Oakland, and will be getting together sometime soon! (editors note: I lost the contact of one couple that I really wanted to meet up with and sadly have been unable to connect with them since!)

I was going to attend another Feri workshop after that (Anaar’s Mana and the Witch’s Cone of Power), but Ro decided to fuss a bit, and I decided rather than stress him out by testing the limits, I would leave before it started. He was ready for more boobie, so upstairs we went.

That was the last thing I did publicly on Saturday- I was quite content to camp out in the room with Ro and watch Bill Maher on HBO.

Sunday, I made sure I fed Ro early so that I could get to a 9 AM workshop on public service in the pagan community, a panel featuring Macha Nightmare, Ivo Dominguez Jr., and Sam Webster. I was glad that I went- I promoted my elder project, PEARL, and got a few good volunteer leads and also connected with a few people that will help further the project as well.

That night, I went to the Feri Tent Revival with O’bee and Ro. He breastfed as we sat on the periphery and did quite well. One thing Ro does when he is startled is that his arm flies up (even though he stays asleep)- and when people shouted “blessed be!” and “halle-fucking-lujah!” at the revival he did this more than once. It looked like he was testifying! LOL

We did try and push doing two things in a row- after the tent revival, we tried to do the “Yes, They Are! The Queerest of the Gods” ritual play. We got through about half when I personally had to leave. Ro would have made it through- he had access to boobie and was covered so the lights did not bother him. But Mama was sore. I am still in recovery, and my perineum, which is stitched up and cut by how fast Ro came out, was aching after last night’s dancing and that days walking. I was done.

The last thing that I attended was a dream workshop with Anne Hill, and I took notes. She approached the workshop not only for dream analysis for yourself, but also as a tool for clergy to help their congregants. Very informative and helpful!

We saw so many Feri folk who were so happy to meet Rowan after getting the play-by-play his whole pregnancy. Many of these witches did spells and prayer to help us with problems in the pregnancy and with the birth. I am so grateful to them for their care and concern and effort. it was wonderful to be a part of a larger community that embraced my son even before he arrived.

We headed back north and stopped by DRGN’s for an hour or so for his birthday celebration before picking up the parrots and heading home.

I learned more about my son over the weekend. He knows how to ask for what he wants- he does this through fussing noises, looking toward me, sending mental images to me, and finally (if I am being dense or slow), crying. He is not quick to cry, but it is his last line of defense.

He is REALLY upset when someone else is in control of his body. He hates being changed, whether it is clothes or diaper. He also does not like abrupt position changes. I suspected that his first bath was going to lead to tears, and it did (that happened today, our first day back from the ‘Con, since his umbilical cord had fallen off). Boy, was he upset about bathing. I think this indicates a spirited independent child who is going to be quite the handful!

We were worried because the day before the ‘Con and the first day of the ‘Con Ro had not pooped. I called my midwife panicking, because according to WIC, he should be pooping 4 times a day! I want him to thrive and put on weight. Was he not getting enough? Was he constipated or worse? We quickly ruled out constipation (or worse), as he would probably be miserable and crying. Judi (the MW) asked me to measure my breastmilk to make sure I was making enough. I recently bought a tincture to help me make more if I needed to. She reassured me and said that he may be one of those babies that poops less. As long as he was getting 2 oz + at this stage, he was probably fine. We would know for sure when he was weighed again.

Thank the gods that the next day, he pooped. And when it arrived, it really arrived! The first poopy diaper was like 3 poops in one. Then he pooped twice more that day. Since then, he isn’t up to 4 per day, more like 3, but I am less worried. I think he is starting to normalize.

A New Parent's Reflections

This was copied over from my now defunct blog.
Original post date: Sunday, February 7, 2010

So Rowan is a little over a week old and we are busy learning about one another. He is already an extraordinary person- he surprises me each day. Mostly his demeanor and expressions are very serious. The wheels are turning in there, I just have no idea what the 'lil guy is thinking!

Our little man is not fussy- you might even call him an “easy baby”- if having any completely dependent newborn is “easy”, that is. He is actually patient, makes a fuss/cries only when we have not followed his cues for eating soon enough or if we move him from a comfortable spot he wanted to stay in. He also hates to be changed- either diapers or clothes, so there are fusses at those times. But he is easily cheered after it is over, and I understand being upset over the lack of control of your own body. That must suck.

Yesterday, I learned that he will often put eating on hold for too long in lieu of sleep. We took an extra long nap before going on a quick jaunt to the lake (and the car ride always puts him to sleep, as does being swaddled in the moby), he ended up not waking and asking to eat and I just didn’t think about it. (I have been following his lead about food, feeding him when he asks.) But when he got home- OH! He was soooo hungry and upset after waking as we got him out of the car seat.

He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted the boob so much and was trembling and turning red when it was right in front of him. He couldn’t seem to settle down enough to take it because he was so worked up. It took a good 15 minutes to calm him down before he was focused enough to simply eat. Poor thing. We won’t do that again- even if he is sleeping, I’ll wake him if he hasn’t eaten in 3 hours, come hell or high water!

He is starting to show the most amazing facial expressions. My favorite of course, being a smile. He goes through a repertoire of these when he sleeps- each different emotion flickering across his face for a couple seconds before being replaced by another. These are accompanied by REM, so I wonder what he is dreaming about. It’s heartbreaking to see the really sad face he makes- I think it must be about being alone in the NICU without human touch and lots of needles and things being stuck into him. He falls into REM so quickly, too. It’s amazing. Yep, I sit around a lot now and watch my baby sleep. Good times!

Last night, I was so tired and sore (still recovering from pregnancy and birth- my insides feel like someone beat them with a baseball bat as they return to their normal positions inside my body, and the stitches and perineum are still sore as well) and could not get comfortable in bed. Rowan woke and asked to nurse, which I first attempted lying down. This sometimes works, but he is so small that my boob is bigger than his whole head and I end up contorting in weird ways to get the nipple position correct and sometimes it is more trouble than it is worth.

So I ended up sitting up with him on a pillow and nursing that way. But he wanted to do that slow lingering nursing he sometimes does, falling asleep on the boob intermittently so that it takes an hour plus. And I was in pain and unhappy. So I kept tickling him to keep him sucking and after 20 minutes, I placed him in the co-sleeper bed. Up until last night, he has slept with us in the big bed, which is working out fine for the most part. But I just wanted to stretch out, relieve my pain, and not worry about Ro in the bed!

Well, he was not happy. As I say, he is not a fussy baby, but he made quiet fretting noises and reaching out with his arms to find me. And then he sent me a thought (yes- I believe that)- it was of him, alone, in the NICU bassinette. He had no one to cuddle with and love him. He was lonely and scared. My heart broke and I immediately scooped him up and brought him next to me in bed. I was immediately rewarded- he looked deeply into my eyes (we keep a nightlight on for him now, so we can see getting up at night) and smiled the biggest smile I have seen on him ever. He was so content to be near a source of love and fell right to sleep. “Fuck the pain”, I thought. “He sleeps here, next to me.”

His umbilical cord still hasn’t fallen off, but it’s close. After that, we are free to bathe him. They did a bath at the hospital to get off more of the meconium, and he hated that. I hope it was a function of meconium being hard to get off and being in the NICU, rather than hating baths in general…

The birds are insanely jealous of the baby and have to have two humans supervise them when they are out with the baby. We hope that after a while they will accept their new flock member. Especially Tengu and Rah are aggro right now- Lullah is fine as long as she gets played with, she doesn’t care.

There have been a parade of people stopping by to meet Rowan and drop off food, which has been awesome. His first visitor was actually in the NICU- Cornelia Benevidez was in town and came by because she felt as though the labor must be finished- she even found out we were at SF General instead of UCSF (we hadn’t posted an update yet)! She did a blessing for Rowan while he was still in his oxygen tent. Cholla came by our house with borcht from the folks at Thermalia, Wolfy, of course, has been with us as the doula, making us food and such, Justin came by to make us tacos last night and see his Godson, and tonite Ben is coming as well. We are planning on taking him to see his Godmother Julia very soon as well.

Today we pushed the limits to see how he would do and took him to the Oakland UU church service. He did not fuss at all, actually, even though we both looked at one another with dread as the moment of silence began. We both had the same dreaded thought that he would choose that moment to start wailing or something. But nope- he is a sweet tempered, patient baby. Where in the hell did he get that from?