I Am Weird.

...Or should I say Wyrd? Recently, a former professor's Facebook post and a blog post have made me decide to start a dialogue about what make us Weird.

Let's start with a definition, shall we?

weird  (wîrd)
adj. weird·er, weird·est
1. Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
2. Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
3. Archaic Of or relating to fate or the Fates.
n.
1.
a. Fate; destiny.
b. One's assigned lot or fortune, especially when evil.
2. often Weird Greek & Roman Mythology One of the Fates.
tr. & intr.v. weird·ed, weird·ing, weirds
Slang To experience or cause to experience an odd, unusual, and sometimes uneasy sensation. Often used with out.

So, I am weird in the traditional sense (as I believe I am led by old Fate herself in my spiritual path, which includes working with spirits) and in the modern slang sense- odd and unusual. I think I have always been this way (as I was always grappling with difference, even as a small child). It is only as an adult that I embrace it and live as gracefully as possible as a perpetual outsider.

Even in an outsider's religion, I am the weird one who often does not fit. My former professor (mentioned above) calls himself Khalvat Dar Anjuman on Facebook. This name is a phrase that means "in seclusion even in the midst of a crowd". As a Trad Witch, I identify with that term deeply- we Witches are always in-between, never fully in one group or even in one world. And as a person who cares deeply about religion AND politics, I identify with this term even more so in human company.

I am the one who is often "too political" for many spiritual folk and "too spiritual" for the comfort of most radical political folk that I agree with. I am often not quite *in* any community fully. I am willing to bet that there have been blog posts here or on the Witch Mom Facebook page that my readers and friends just shake their heads at- "Why is Witch Mom posting about CISPA?" or "Why is Lily so damned religious? Why does she defend other religions? Doesn't she know religion causes so many wars and problems in the world? Why does she defend belief?" To me, these issues are inextricably linked. I care deeply about our world, both human-created culture and society and nature and our connection to it. So I am the weirdo.

So what else makes me weird?

I am a Witch that believes Witchcraft is not for everyone. I am not selling Witchcraft to the highest bidder, nor am I teaching for money to spread the gospel of my views hither and yon. I am not wanting to be a BNP (Big Name Pagan) and build myself up as celebrity or guru.

I am an anarchist. This means that I believe in people working together in small groups to govern themselves as collectives, coops, organizations that use direct democracy, households and what have you. I believe that governments are too large to really incorporate democracy and so what we have settled for is representation (that doesn't actually represent us anymore). I am a socialist when it comes to large projects that affect us all (like health care and education and possibly food production on a small scale). I am a communist when it comes to how I want to belong to any group- be it a household, project, or neighborhood. All of these definitions fall under anarchy. Your mileage may vary.

I am a parent who believes in cultivating a free thinking questioning child, not a blindly obedient one. When my child is not listening to me and not doing what I ask, I talk to him in terms of cooperation, not obedience. When he gets time outs, it is because "Anti-social people often end up alone. No one wants to be around them." Hitting and name calling is anti-social, and he is isolated in that case because it is a natural consequence of his behavior. I do not indoctrinate my child with ideas about gender, either. We watch media together and talk about what he sees. He naturally eschews media violence, as I naturally did as a kid. I think he is highly empathic (as I was).

I am polyamorous. This means I think that I am wired to be in multiple loving relationships simultaneously. Unlike some poly folk, I do not believe that this makes me superior to monogamous people. I think poly is a wiring issue, much like other kinds of sexual orientation. It is just IS. Some people are mono, others are poly. There should be no moralizing around the issue.

I am queer. For me, this means that I am attracted to people, whether they are male, female, or other. I am highly selective and persnickety, so I am not attracted to everyone, but if you look at my relationships, you will wonder what my "type" is. It's hard to tell from appearances and identities of my partners. Truth be told, I am sapiosexual, and passion, intellect, and humor are the things that attract me. My partner (also a poly queer Witch) and I are often mistaken for a nuclear monogamous heterosexual family. People can think what they wish- but we are not.

From http://saratoday.wordpress.com/

I do not consume as much as many Americans and desire to consume less. I wish to live sustainably and small. A tiny house or even a converted bus or vardo are things that I fantasize about almost daily. I covet solar panels, compost toilets, and a scrap of land to grow upon. I would love to travel the world with my son, healing people in exchange for food. I would also love to grow a lot of my own medicine and food and raise bees and make medicine for my community (have started that one already!) I have purged most of my possessions and will do another purge before we leave Ohio in an attempt to be more minimal. What do I need? This question is not the same as "What do I want?"

I have a driving passion to heal and create beauty. I am going to learn acupuncture and TCM because I want to add that modality to the my healing skills of energy healing and western herbalism that I already have at my disposal. I craft, do DIY, and make art. I do this because I must.

What makes you Weird?

Mother's Day

Julia Ward Howe first proposed a "mother's peace day" in 1870 with her "Mother's Day Proclamation", below.

She was a wife and mother in a suppressive marriage and witnessed atrocities of the Civil War. It was her belief that women should have more social responsibility beyond tending to her husband, and she used her gift of pose to spread this message:

Arise, then, women of this day!

Arise, all women who have hearts,

Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,

Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.

Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn

All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.

We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country

To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.

It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."

Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.

As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,

Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means

Whereby the great human family can live in peace,

Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,

But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask

That a general congress of women without limit of nationality

May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient

And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,

To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,

The amicable settlement of international questions,

The great and general interests of peace.

Stop CISPA

Sign the petition.

Raising a Boy in Rape Culture

Lately, the news has been filled with horrific tales of teenage boys raping teenage girls and lots of victim blaming. Some victims have even committed suicide after being bullied after the rape. It gives a mama pause. How to raise a compassionate, respectful boy who grows into a respectful, compassionate man? We have started early. Rowan is three, but he is learning about body integrity, respecting other people's boundaries, and how to interact respectfully with others.

There are a lot of triggery links on this post, but please- if you have children, especially male children read them and talk to your kids NOW about this. I agree with this mom- it is an emergency:

"I don’t know how we stop boys from raping girls and posting the photos online. This has been happening far too often lately, and I’m sure there are many cases we still don’t know about. Because sex education is rarely taught in schools, rape education is never taught. I know as a parent I talk to my eldest son about these things and I will talk to my daughter about these things when she is older, even though I know my son is a smart, gentle kid who would never do anything like this, I talk to him about it anyway because I HAVE to. We all have to. I don’t know what else to say about this but my heart is broken.Please talk to your kids. This is an emergency."

A post of mine on Facebook, linking to an article about young boys learning todisrespect at an early age with the "boys will be boys"defense:

As a parent of a boy, I am glad to say that we have started early avoiding the "boys will be boys" behavior. Our child knows "back up and give them space", "you need to ask how your friends want to play together" and many more personal boundary and cooperative behaviors.It starts with simple things that can be easily dismissed by gender essentialists like knocking over towers. It cascades from there. After a childhood of learning that boys trump girls and they have no responsibility for the feelings of others, what do we expect?

I believe that these lessons need to be repeated often. Here is commentary from afather of a 4 year old boy on the Steubenville rape case:

'Convicted Steubenville rapist Ma’lik Richmond’s lawyer is planning to appeal the guilty verdict because – he says – at 16 years old, his client’s brain isn’t fully developed, and as such, he might not understand that rape is wrong.My son, all of four years old, is chewing his last strawberry mouthful as I finish my definition of rape and sexual assault, and my explanation of why forcing himself onto a girl—even his “girlfriend”, even just a kiss—is wrong. He gets it. His brain is far from fully-developed, but he nods as my sentence trails off and my hands fall back down to the table. “Okay, daddy. I won’t do it anymore,” he says. He slides off of his chair and gallops back to his cartoons.I know my son didn’t rape his preschool ex-”girlfriend.” And in all liklihood, he didn’t sexually assault her either. But when she let him know that she didn’t like him kissing her, it opened up our first conversation on the topic. And though I’m not completely sure I’m speaking on his level, I know I’d rather speak to him now so he knows that this is a topic between us. The rougher road lies ahead, but I’ve paved the first block and that’s what matters.'

I replied on Facebook:

We are working with my 3 year old son on boundaries and space and bodily consent. He knows to "give people space" if they ask. He knows that touching someone when they don't want it or they ask you not to is wrong (we even gave daddy a "time out" for continuing to tickle him when our son asked him to stop), and he knows that he needs to ask how his friends want to play together, instead of exerting his will upon others.That defense is some bullshit.

The national dialogue that puts rape prevention on women and girls is not where we should be focusing our energy. Rape is not a women's problem- while women and girls are most often the victims, boys and men must be taught, from birth onward, to respect others bodies, minds, and ideas.

"Responsible parentscan speak to their daughters about how to minimize their chances ofbeing raped. But the greater conversation we need to have is how tostop men and boys from raping. We have had years, and years, andyears of rape prevention seminars for women, of safety tips andclasses, of helpful hints so you don’t end up beaten and left in analley somewhere after being sexually assaulted. We need the same sortof seminars, and pamphlets, and websites dedicated to teaching boyshow not to rape. We need male politicians, and celebrities andathletes to do PSAs about how not to rape. We need fathers to talk totheir sons about not raping. Women? We do this. We talk about rape,we are vocal about rape, we write about rape and protest rape anddonate money to anti-rape organizations and write letters to getstricter rape laws passed. But we need more men to be as vocal as we are. "

How are you teaching your son in this regard?

Links about the Gender Agenda

You too can socialize your girl into a
life of servitude! This toy is real "classy".

I like to keep up on what is happening out there in the world of gender perception and news. Here are some of the recent stories I think are worth looking at:

In Sweden, toys are no longer being marketed to kids by gender. Is this some progressive hippie all wood toy manufacturer? Nope- it's the Swedish equivalent to Toys R Us! It is a huge movement in Sweden: "Since 2008, the government has spent 110 million Swedish crowns ($16.3 million) on promoting gender equality in schools, including the introduction of laws requiring teachers to actively work to reverse gender stereotypes.

The country also proposed a new single gender-neutral pronoun – 'hen' – to replace 'he' and 'she' in order to minimize gender stereotyping."- from the article.

Rowan has trucks and dolls.

Contrast the Swedish approach with the American company E-bates, who market to parents of boys and girls, rather differently. Color me annoyed. I go out of my way to present all options to my son and allow him to choose. This less-than-subtle message to kids and parents alike on how to dress themselves is infuriating.

Not that this new study is telling me anything that I didn't know already, but for boneheads who insist that men are from Mars and women are from Venus (different planets, different species- really?), we now have a large comprehensive study that calls bullshit on the gender shenanigans once and for all. I am glad that the study exists, even if you are saying "duh" over and over as you read it.

The pink ghetto of the toy section.
I hate the blue ghetto, too.

And on a lighter note- did you know that male modeling is now being done by men and women? How very interesting. The interview is very refreshing.

Living Frugally

Some of you may be surprised to know that my family is (financially) poor. For many Americans, discussing personal wealth (or a lack of it) is uncomfortable at best, shameful at worst. I do not agree that poor people should be ashamed of their situation.

I also do not believe in the "boot-strappin'-everyone-has-the-same-opportunities-if-you-just-work-hard" American myth. Class, race, gender, and other factors make folks start out in different places and earn different amounts. If you choose a career in a (what I call a "position of value"- meaning someone who provides direct goods or services to others in society (like a farmer, teacher, healer, builder, etc.) you will automatically make less than someone who has a parasitic position (think banking and investments or large businesses). I think if more people actually talked about their actual financial situation, we would be in a better position, as a people to make things better for all of us.

I also believe that (shock!) all people are entitled to housing, food, and medical care. It is a human right, regardless what Ayn Rand-ian capitalists say. So here we go- here is a Witch talking about being poor, living frugally, and making it work without sacrificing her principles.

We take government assistance. 1 in 6 American families get the food help that we do. The food money (SNAP) and vouchers (WIC) are never enough to last all month, but they certainly help. Especially now that my partner is a diagnosed diabetic and we have cut out most the "food stretchers" we relied upon previously like pasta, rice, and the like. But while I believe that eating meat is what is best for our family, eating ethical meat is expensive. I do not want to eat factory-farmed "meat of suffering". It is bad for the animal, bad for the planet, and I believe bad for me to consume suffering and other toxins. So... how do we do it? We start with "good meat" from a local meat CSA ($120 a month for 3 months up front gets us):

*2 whole chickens or one whole duck
*2 lbs ground beef (one pound packages) or 2 ham steaks
*one 3.5-4 lb beef roast or package of steaks
*2 packages of 2 pack pork chops-bone in
*2 lbs of thick sliced apple wood smoked bacon or bulk breakfast sausage
*1.5 lb package Italian sausage links (3 large links)
*1.5 lb package bratwurst sausage (3 large links)
*1 lb package smoked sausage
* A Surprise item (a bonus)
* 8 oz snow white lard or beef/pork soup bones or pork/beef liver or smoked hocks.

That is 9 to 11 dinners, plus some leftovers for lunches and a couple of breakfasts, too. It took us a while to find this farm/deal, but we are so glad that we did. For the rest of the month, we try and supplement this with meat that is organic and local. Our farmer's market helps with that, as does family. My mother-out-law often brings us pork up from her rural area. Earlier this year, they bought a whole pig from a local farmer and had it processed into sausages, ground pork, chops and roasts. So every so often, we get a local pig treat from their chest freezer.

I also often get veggie CSA leftovers. My church has its own CSA and often there is surplus for me to take home after everyone has their share. This week, butternut squash abounds!

We also get government medical care. The state of Ohio has decent insurance for people who qualify, and my whole family does (did I mention that we are poor?!). While there have been some annoying things (my partner getting only enough lancets for a month with no mistakes or losses and having to wait several days before being able to get any more -or- having to travel two hours to find a sleep study specialist who will take the insurance), we are so blessed to have coverage for Rowan, who is growing like a weed and my partner, who is not well. Through the state, we have better insurance than most do through their employers and we are so very grateful. My partner was recently hospitalized for 3 days, and we are not bankrupt or being hounded by collectors like so many in this country who had the ill fortune of getting sick.

We cut out other things that many people assume are "necessities" but just aren't. I do not use shampoo or conditioner. Baking soda, apple cider vinegar, and water are what I use. We buy an organic baby shampoo right now for Rowan that is tear-free, but once he is big enough to handle regular soap, he will use Dr. Bronner's like the rest of us, which we get in bulk at our local food coop (yes, we are members).

My partner gets his head shaved by me, I cut my own hair, and when Rowan finally decides to cut his hair, I will do that, too. I don't wear a lot of makeup- mainly eyeliner and lipstick, when I wear it, that is. I have worn the same clothes for a long time. While I need some new items, a wardrobe does not have to overflow a dresser and closet. I make clothing decisions very deliberately- each new item is planned to fit into what I already have and is purchased after I have thought about it for a while.

I make our other toiletries (like deodorant), too. While the initial cost upfront is higher (buying bulk ingredients), I can make much more for less doing it this way, and the toxins are nil, unlike commercial deodorants and antiperspirants.  I make my body scrub and moisturizer, our common medicines (often with things I grow myself), and many of our nicer home decorations. I like being Crafty- but this is no Martha Stewart hobby (monied enough to buy it myself but choosing to DIY because I am bored)- this is being deliberately frugal, believing in re-use as a lifestyle choice, and living well, amongst beauty.

We cook most of our own food. We eat out once a week, maximum. Often not even that. We make these times family times- a choice to eat together as a family: breakfasts on days where we don't have to drive my partner to work pre-dawn and dinners together nightly. We talk to one another and take moments to communicate with our son and teach him things. Our ritual of talking about our "favorite part of the day" is a gratitude practice that we have cultivated in Rowan this early. It is asked every night.

We have a priority of getting our own dining room table and chairs to emphasize staying around the table, talking. Our ideal party is a dinner party and we hope to get seating for 8. We often host a "family dinner" with our neighbors, where we each bring food and both families benefit. We host a potluck twice a month as well.

We know other creative people and we trade or gift each other our services. My recent Boline photo shoot was with a friend who I met through Art Party Columbus. He insists on making the photos free. I paid another artist to make my Boline logo- $100, in installments.

We scour freecycle and craigslist for deals. We shop at thrift stores. I often will take free books off of freecycle and after I have read them, I sell them on Amazon to make some extra cash. I download all the free books I can for my Nook- Google Books and Barnes and Noble often have things available for free, especially classics.

We don't have a TV- we watch DVDs and Netflix/Hulu on my laptop. We may be gifted a TV for Yule this year, and if we get one, we will get a Roku box- not cable. We go to the cheap movie theater ($1.75 a person) as a family. We take walks and see what we discover. We use the library every week to get new books and have a fun group storytime. We listen to Pandora and the radio for music, news, and stories. We host "game nights" where people come over with snacks and we play games and laugh.

We grow our own food and medicine. This year, even after getting started late in the season, we had cukes, tomatoes, peppers (sweet and hot), eggplant, string beans, squash, and tomatillos. I grew marshmallow, peppermint, calendula, motherwort, and thyme. Next year, we are getting a beehive.

We were gifted memberships to the zoo and to the kid's science museum and we use them a lot. I think if we don't get gifted renewals, we will use our tax return to buy them ourselves. It is totally worth the cost, as we use them almost weekly.

We help others when we can, because it is the right thing to do. I am also confident that the help we give will make its way back to us when we need it- it already has! We are blessed with everything we need, even if we do not have everything we want.

Theology of Religion, or What the Heck is Wrong with People?

We live in an extremely polarized culture right now. People are fighting and killing one another over their differences. This of course is nothing new, people have been slaughtering others for race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, and any other reason since we have historical records (and likely before that).

But this is not the world that I want my son to inherit and I struggle with the the balance between disclosure (at age appropriate levels) and keeping him blissfully ignorant, just a little while longer, to what the world is really like.

His great-grandmother is a horrible racist. So are some other family members. I have had to tell them to STFU with their crap when they are around me and my son. "That is false, ignorant, and racist- and you WILL NOT expose my son to that kind of stupidity," I have said on at least one occasion. I am surprised at how they actually shut up. They are not used to uppity women nor are they used to anyone challenging their worldview, I suppose.

My son is two-and-a-half and repeats everything. He has no filters to know what is righteous speech and what is harmful speech. He is starting to learn with his playmates what is a mean thing to say or do, but toddlers are not qualified to filter themselves yet, we have to do it for them.

This is why I do not let him watch very many mainstream movies or TV shows. The sexism and racism on these programs is astounding, especially anything branded Disney (don't get me started on Disney!). I watch everything first, so that I can be ready for questions and commentary as we watch together.

And yet, in reality- those movies reflect a reality that I dislike. Like this reality, the Republican delegate from Puerto Rico being jeered at with taunts of "USA! USA!" (Um, hey xenophobic jackasses- Puerto Rico is part of the USA.)





Or this reality, also from the GOP convention. Or the racist shootings of unarmed youth of color by civilians and police alike. Or the more subtle racism that many of us or our friends and family exhibit- jokes, slurs, or avoidance of those different than us (and the corresponding instilling of fear into our children about those people). I am heartsick over it all.

I do what I can- I am raising my son to be a good person who values difference and diversity and is comfortable with the myriad people around him. I teach kids and youth at church that looking to different cultures is not only interesting, it is necessary and an asset to their lives. I call people on unchecked assumptions. But the problem seems so HUGE. What else can I do?

This post started after reading this article about Sikh children explaining the massacre in Wisconsin. The children in that article grapple, as I do, to make sense of a crazy splintered world. Their theology is also a theology that dictates that everyone is divine and disconnection from that source can make people do horrible things to one another.

How do we connect? It's times like this when I am overwhelmed with fear and anger about my world that I try and remember the African American adage, "Each One Teach One". We can't do everything, but we all can do something. Maybe that will be enough. Gods, I hope so.

Etsy (Groan)

Right on the heels on posting an herbalist manifesto, came the news: Etsy has changed its terms of service, so that no ethical herbalist can sell their wares there anymore. They have changed what can be listed in product descriptions in such a way that an herbalist cannot describe what a remedy is used for at all without violating their terms.

In coming to this policy, they are siding with big pharma and the FDA who would rather people only have access to their expensive (and often unattainable) "medicines" often with huge side effects.

I am no foe of Western allopathic medicine. It has its place. if I am in a car wreck, I want to go to an emergency room, please. But for most maladies that affect humankind, an herbalist is the way to go. We are gentler, have centuries of data about the se and effectiveness of our wares, and do not muck around with your body or the planet the way big pharma does.

My wares will still be available online- I have my own storefront (currently here) and I also sell at Poppy Swap. But Etsy is out. It is a shame, because I love many of the crafters and artisans I have met and discovered through Etsy. But for herbalists, it is not longer a good fit. I posted on my Facebook Page,

"Etsy cares more about their bottom line than it does about herbalists. Their new policy means I can longer sell any herbs there, unless I do not explain their use.

No ethical herbalist in their right mind would sell something that is not completely understood to a client. By asking us to not tell customers what an herb is used for (your term is "making a medical claim") on our listings, you are asking us to go underground, lie, and/or make lies of omission. 

Shame on you, Etsy. You are standing on the side of big pharma and the wrong side of history on this one."

For those of you looking for a good herbalist and good herbal wares, check out Poppy Swap:

My store name is Boline, of course!

And for those that wish to patronize me more, you can use Poppy Swap or my direct store. I appreciate your business and continued patronage of small crafters like me. Many blessings!

Why I am an Herbalist (A Manifesto of Sorts)

"An herbalist" is one of the ways that I identify myself. But just what do I mean when I use that term, and why is it important to me?

To me, an herbalist obviously cares about healing others. But it is the way that they do the healing that defines them as a person. An herbalist tends to value tradition and hand-to-hand, mouth-to-ear learning more than academics, who tend to place higher value on the written word.

An herbalist cares about human health, obviously- but they also care about the health of our entire planet as well. They will not heal at the expense of the planet and its other inhabitants, in the way that big pharma does. Commercial allopathic medicines and mass produced remedies (even herbal ones) by big companies rip raw resources out of their habitats, destroying them. They farm their ingredients in a monoculture way that strips the soil of nutrients and destroys habitats. They produce in a factory environment that pollutes the atmosphere and water supply. And then they create an end product that is often toxic or causes harm. Herbalists like me grow their own herbs, providing habitat as well as food for insects. (Or they acquire it from ethical sources that grow like me.)

Herbal medicine is simply more potent (as well as gentle to the system) for many more living beings than commercially made remedies and medicines. Further, there are many herbal remedies that are working better than their pharmaceutical counterparts, because they use the whole plant, not just an isolated component of it. And don't get me started on how commercial antibiotics are over-prescribed and are strengthening the bacteria's resistance to those medicines. We have major strains of mersa, clostridium difficile (c diff), strep, and other infections that used to respond to anti-biotics but now don't. We simply don't have this problem with herbal anti-biotics. They still work, and don't destroy your body's immune system while killing the bad stuff, either.

Herbalism is magick making. A good herbalist is an animist- who knows that plants are living things with a form of sentience and hold energetic properties that can heal or harm. Being able to speak to plants, commune with them, and sacrifice them to create medicine for greater healing in the world is a magickal act. Coupling their properties with my Will and infusing my remedies with healing and intent is an act of magick. Being a part of the red life who takes the green life for its survival and knowing and welcoming the fact that one day the green will eat me in turn links me to the Wheel in a way that most urban dwellers do not know in their marrow. Re-tying myself to the wheel daily is religion and magick.

Lastly, being an herbalist means that I believe that all people have a right to to health care and wellness- and that capitalism and profit do not enter into that access. I price my remedies to simply cover my costs and labor. Profit does not enter into it.

My labor costs pay me enough- I am not a Witch for profit. Further, to assist everyone with access to healing, I barter and give away remedies when needed. We have so many poor and uninsured people in this country. It is disgraceful that so many suffer without care. In my little corner of the world, I am doing my part to heal family, friends, and my community.

Heartsick

A vigil in Wisconsin (Chicago Tribune)

Today, as I drove my partner to work, I heard the news. Another mass shooting using semi automatic weapons, this time targeting worshippers in a Sikh temple in Wisconsin. This, of course, follows the news of the Aurora, CO shooting in a movie theater, and the gun death of a friend's son recently.

In the wake of what happened in Aurora, I have gotten into futile debates with my partner's relatives (who happen to be Fox-News-watching, gun-toting people) about guns a lot lately. They believe if everyone were allowed to conceal carry their gun, violence would diminish. They believe semi-automatic weapons should be legal. This of course, defies logic, but no one who watches Fox News watches it for logic or statistics.* News flash: Wisconsin has some of the most permissive gun laws in the country and had passed a law in 2011 allowing citizens to carry a concealed weapon. This kind of law allowed a 40 year old white man to travel to the temple undetected and start firing on worshippers and kill some of them before anything could be done.

If concealed carry was legal in Aurora, it would not have saved the people that died, it may have even made the death toll worse in that dark theater, vision further obscured by a gas canister, released by the gunman. The people that argue that point befuddle me. If people are going to commit acts of terrorism, access to weapons of mass killing only helps them. It harms everyone else. Concealed carry laws and access to semi automatic weapons only allow people like George Zimmerman and James Holmes to kill innocent people.

Vigil, photo from Chicago Tribune.

I say this: If you are going to carry a gun, I believe it should be on the outside of your clothes, where everyone can see it. You should have to broadcast that you see violence as a solution to your problems and that you are a potential lethal threat to others. You should have to put one of those car magnet signs on the outside of your car that you are packing heat at that moment.  No one should be able to legally ambush another person.

My heart goes out to the victims of gun violence today: my new friend, whom I ran into at the bookstore yesterday. Her eyes were red from crying as she watched her youngest kids (my son's new friends) play with the train sets before they headed to a movie. "I am just trying to get out and do normal things." she told me. Her grief is palpable and the hole in her heart is visible from the outside. After I met her kids a couple weeks ago, I sought her out and visited her. We became friends and I am hosting them all for dinner this week. After a month of making funeral arrangements and working on gun control efforts around the state, she is left with an open schedule and lots of unprocessed grief. She needs people to be kind to her now more than ever.

Victims being escorted out of the temple, Chicago Tribune.

My heart mourns for the Sikh community in Wisconsin and nationwide, whom are probably wondering why they were targeted (and perhaps speculating, as I am, that they were once again mistaken for Muslims and this was a hate motivated crime**. Some witnesses said he had a 9/11 tattoo, marking the September 11, 2001 attacks by Islamic militants). My pryers today are with the families of the Sikhs who died and the ones traumatized by this attack.

My heart mourns for the victims of the Aurora, CO shooting as well. This senseless violence needs to stop. I am sick to death of gun nuts (and if you own more than a couple guns, I define you this way) telling us MORE guns are the answer to gun violence. I am heartsick today.

The only way to stop these attacks is stop allowing access to weapons that are only designed to kill people. (I say that for civilians, police (who ill more innocent people daily than the crazed mass murderers mentioned above), the military, and everyone. Semi-automatic weapons are a coward's weapon. It allows a safe distance from which to mow people down without regard to their life and their divine spark. It amplifies the disconnection that one must feel to make them capable of murder. It allows a murderer to not see the anguish they inflict as they kill.

                               Forgive the ranting today. I needed to vent.

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*You watch that right-wing drivel because it tells you what you want to hear. It confirms your prejudices and places blame for you in a convenient, bigoted place. Why is it that everyone I know who uses Fox News and right-wing radio as their main news sources are incapable of anything more than mimicking the soundbites that they provide? When I engage in debate I seek sources, analyze facts, and have something more to offer than a catchphrase to defend my position. Sheeple make me angry when they choose to remain ignorant.

** Thank you, Jeff Dunham, you racist piece of shit for helping confuse uneducated America that terrorists wear turbans. Your "comedy" is little more than bigotry with puppets. You are a national disgrace. (

Sikhs wear turbans, Muslim men do not need to wear a head covering). And there have been more acts of terrorism committed by white men in this country than any other race. Religion, when it is true, connects people. No religion that preaches hate is a religion in truth. It is extremism and fundamentalism, regardless of the religious clothing that it wears that is at issue here.

General Strike!

Today, I do no Work. No School. No Shopping. No Chores. No Banking.

Won't you join us?

Why We Need Real Sex Education

I was asked by the creator of this image to post it, an I am more than happy to do so.



Created by: PublicHealthDegree.com

SOPA Blackout

This post used to have code that blacked out my blog and urged readers to contact their Senators and Representatives to stop SOPA and PIPA. You can still do that here.

Million Mothers March

Many women do not have the right to feed their infants when and where they need to. I live on the West Virginia border right now, and in that state, women can be told to leave somewhere if they breastfeed and someone doesn't like it.

Enough is enough. The Million Mothers March is an event organized by a mom who was kicked off a public bus for breastfeeding. It is being organized for August 6, 2012 in Washington DC.

From their website:

There has been a rise in the incidences of harassment of breastfeeding mothers. Mothers are being asked to feed their children in the restrooms at Wal-Mart, an all women’s fitness facility even on public transportation. The unmitigated fact is that the list goes on and on. This madness has to stop! Breastfeeding Mothers Unite is a grassroots organization formed to bring awareness to the community and to UNITE mothers. We need to bring as much attention to a mother’s right to nurse her child whenever and wherever that child gets hungry.

I urge you to spread the word and get to DC next year if you can! I have posted this before, but it worth a second time:

Size Acceptance

In most parts of the US, racism, sexism, and even homophobia are uncool to express. While there are still unenlightened people on these issues (we all know at least one, don't we?), most folks know that they are likely to be called out on these kind of isms when they surface. (The "it was just a joke" defense is so tiresome. To be a joke, it has to be funny, people! Satire is funny- poking fun at power is funny. Making others feel crappy is not.)

One of the few isms that is still OK in our culture is fat phobia and/or looks-ism. Our culture is obsessed with being thin, looking a certain way, and enforcing that standard to the detriment of all. People who do not fit that norm or choose not to are outcasts and deemed unattractive.

I do not want my son indoctrinated into those values. I know that he will be exposed to it eventually (we all live in this culture after all), but with limited television (with no commercials!) and exposure to all kinds of people (who are all attractive, regardless of size or other surface factors in my opinion) in person and through media I am trying to counter its poisonous effects as long as possible.

And if you think this is all about health, let me assure you- it's more than that. It is a civil rights issue. Fat people are less likely to get jobs, are paid less, and are abused more. They are taught to hate the way that they look and the world tells them that they are not sexy or worthy of love. This is not the world that I want my son to inherit, but there you have it. So I am educating him so that he can help change it, regardless of his size or appearance.

Folks who think thinner is healthier than fat and that everyone can fall within a societal "ideal" weight should read about health at every size (which the surgeon general advocates now, instead of the long-held, false line of "lose weight to be healthy", by the way),

The war on obesity has taken its toll. Extensive “collateral damage” has resulted: Food and body preoccupation, self-hatred, eating disorders, discrimination, poor health... Few of us are at peace with our bodies, whether because we’re fat or because we fear becoming fat.- from the Health at Every Size website.

For those of you new to the size acceptance movement or health at every size, here are some resources. No Lose is a queer fat positive organization that hosts a conference almost every year.  The Fat Nutritionist is a great resource. So is the International Size Acceptance Organization. So is National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.

Available here. Link for informational purposes,
I am not/was not paid for this recommendation.

So how do I broach this idea with a toddler? Well, we are just starting with abstract ideas and reading, but I have found an awesome book that Rowan just loves! It's a Sandra Boynton book (she's a famous cartoonist famous for her cute animal drawings) called The Belly Button Book.

Along with being a cute rhyming board book, it also shows hippos not covering up and being ashamed of their big bellies, but instead wearing clothes too small on purpose, to show it off!

This book is a breath of fresh air and Rowan absolutely loves this book. He went through a phase of showing everyone his "bee bo" (as the book calls belly buttons) and also lifting up everyone's shirts to see their navels. 

My edition also came with an audio CD with a belly button song, which is pretty cute as well- and Rowan likes to dance to this song and asks for it, too! 

How do you feel about society's view of "people of size"? What messages are you sending to your kids (be they intentional or unintentional) on body acceptance, accepting others as they are, and self love?