The Idiot Box

As Witches who are more focused on inward processes than outward (see previous post) and working for change in the worlds (magic) rather than maintaining the status quo- TV is a troublesome concept at times. Especially when raising a child.

TV and mainstream media actively shapes us into fearful sleepers. I firmly believe this. At best it is "entertainment" (which is to say, distraction- which can be OK if it is not constant) and worst, it keeps us from being effective Witches and human beings in relation to one another.

Media gets us to believe everyone is a potential threat at worst, competition at best. It teaches that the gender differences reflected in our culture are intrinsic and create a huge chasm of difference between "men" and "women" (and that there are correct ways to be male and female and that there are no other options than those two gender assignments). It promotes a violent culture and treats violence as a way to solve problems. It creates a shameful relationship to sex and sexuality. I am, in short, not a huge fan. 

That is not to say that I do not watch certain things*. I have regular shows that I appreciate (most of the time) and I allow my son to watch* commercial free shows and movies that I select. We can do this because we only have our TV monitor hooked up to a Roku box. This gives us greater control of media in our home and also is cheaper than most people pay for the boob tube. 

We were given a TV for Xmas (Free! We would never have bought one, frankly.) and bought the box (for $60, total- so no ongoing fees for TV other than internet, which we use anyway!). We see Netflix (commercial free, $8 per month), streaming movies (also commercial free, and the most we have paid is $4 for a movie, but often they are free with our subscriptions), HBO Go (access given to us for free by a lovely friend!) Amazon Prime (for which we paid $50 a year -and- get free two day shipping in addition to a library of streaming for free) and Hulu Plus (not commercial free- so only the adults watch Hulu). 

The best part of this arrangement is that my kid is not indoctrinated with weird pop culture crap and commercialism because we actively choose what he watches. We choose programming that fosters empathy, compassion, and learning. Why anyone would pay a hundred plus dollars a month for TV is beyond me. We paid an annual fee for Amazon prime and currently pay $15 per month for our monthly subscriptions, which is all the media we can handle (often we have too much in our watch lists to "consume" anyway).

We make sure to leave the house every day (even if it is just playing in the yard)- we go to the library, the park, the zoo, the science museum, over to other kids' houses. We play inside too- play dough, coloring, games, using our imaginations. We take care of gardens and houseplants and animals. We cook together. We teach our son about numbers and letters and the passage of time (calendar and clock games).

In short, we LIVE!

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*What do I watch? Game of Thrones (adults only! too violent!), The Newsroom, Real Time with Bill Maher, Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Community, Modern Family, Bones, Misfits, Downton Abbey. All of these are interesting- all have problems. Modern Family has no class analysis (how does a real estate agent and a stay-at-home mom afford such a gorgeous home and three kids, two in college, in L.A.?) Real Time is informative but Bill Maher's Dawkins-eque stylings on religion get tiresome sometimes. Game of Thrones (I am also reading book five) is a world that is riddled with racist, misogynistic, violent problems but it is a fascinating tale.

What does my son watch? Shows that foster cooperation (Wonder Pets, Go Diego Go, and Dora the Explorer). Shows that educate him on numbers, counting, reading and phonics (Sesame Street, Super Why, Leapfrog movies). I also let him watch movies that foster spirituality and an animist outlook (My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service) or cultivates empathy and compassion (Up, How to Train Your Dragon, Wreck It Ralph). And you can bet that we talk about what is happening during and after the show. We want to make sure he is getting the right messages.

Heartsick

A vigil in Wisconsin (Chicago Tribune)

Today, as I drove my partner to work, I heard the news. Another mass shooting using semi automatic weapons, this time targeting worshippers in a Sikh temple in Wisconsin. This, of course, follows the news of the Aurora, CO shooting in a movie theater, and the gun death of a friend's son recently.

In the wake of what happened in Aurora, I have gotten into futile debates with my partner's relatives (who happen to be Fox-News-watching, gun-toting people) about guns a lot lately. They believe if everyone were allowed to conceal carry their gun, violence would diminish. They believe semi-automatic weapons should be legal. This of course, defies logic, but no one who watches Fox News watches it for logic or statistics.* News flash: Wisconsin has some of the most permissive gun laws in the country and had passed a law in 2011 allowing citizens to carry a concealed weapon. This kind of law allowed a 40 year old white man to travel to the temple undetected and start firing on worshippers and kill some of them before anything could be done.

If concealed carry was legal in Aurora, it would not have saved the people that died, it may have even made the death toll worse in that dark theater, vision further obscured by a gas canister, released by the gunman. The people that argue that point befuddle me. If people are going to commit acts of terrorism, access to weapons of mass killing only helps them. It harms everyone else. Concealed carry laws and access to semi automatic weapons only allow people like George Zimmerman and James Holmes to kill innocent people.

Vigil, photo from Chicago Tribune.

I say this: If you are going to carry a gun, I believe it should be on the outside of your clothes, where everyone can see it. You should have to broadcast that you see violence as a solution to your problems and that you are a potential lethal threat to others. You should have to put one of those car magnet signs on the outside of your car that you are packing heat at that moment.  No one should be able to legally ambush another person.

My heart goes out to the victims of gun violence today: my new friend, whom I ran into at the bookstore yesterday. Her eyes were red from crying as she watched her youngest kids (my son's new friends) play with the train sets before they headed to a movie. "I am just trying to get out and do normal things." she told me. Her grief is palpable and the hole in her heart is visible from the outside. After I met her kids a couple weeks ago, I sought her out and visited her. We became friends and I am hosting them all for dinner this week. After a month of making funeral arrangements and working on gun control efforts around the state, she is left with an open schedule and lots of unprocessed grief. She needs people to be kind to her now more than ever.

Victims being escorted out of the temple, Chicago Tribune.

My heart mourns for the Sikh community in Wisconsin and nationwide, whom are probably wondering why they were targeted (and perhaps speculating, as I am, that they were once again mistaken for Muslims and this was a hate motivated crime**. Some witnesses said he had a 9/11 tattoo, marking the September 11, 2001 attacks by Islamic militants). My pryers today are with the families of the Sikhs who died and the ones traumatized by this attack.

My heart mourns for the victims of the Aurora, CO shooting as well. This senseless violence needs to stop. I am sick to death of gun nuts (and if you own more than a couple guns, I define you this way) telling us MORE guns are the answer to gun violence. I am heartsick today.

The only way to stop these attacks is stop allowing access to weapons that are only designed to kill people. (I say that for civilians, police (who ill more innocent people daily than the crazed mass murderers mentioned above), the military, and everyone. Semi-automatic weapons are a coward's weapon. It allows a safe distance from which to mow people down without regard to their life and their divine spark. It amplifies the disconnection that one must feel to make them capable of murder. It allows a murderer to not see the anguish they inflict as they kill.

                               Forgive the ranting today. I needed to vent.

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*You watch that right-wing drivel because it tells you what you want to hear. It confirms your prejudices and places blame for you in a convenient, bigoted place. Why is it that everyone I know who uses Fox News and right-wing radio as their main news sources are incapable of anything more than mimicking the soundbites that they provide? When I engage in debate I seek sources, analyze facts, and have something more to offer than a catchphrase to defend my position. Sheeple make me angry when they choose to remain ignorant.

** Thank you, Jeff Dunham, you racist piece of shit for helping confuse uneducated America that terrorists wear turbans. Your "comedy" is little more than bigotry with puppets. You are a national disgrace. (

Sikhs wear turbans, Muslim men do not need to wear a head covering). And there have been more acts of terrorism committed by white men in this country than any other race. Religion, when it is true, connects people. No religion that preaches hate is a religion in truth. It is extremism and fundamentalism, regardless of the religious clothing that it wears that is at issue here.

Violence In The Home

This quote below really tells how I feel about "gentle discipline" and why, even though I struggle, I will not strike my child out of frustration, anger, or the desire to instill discipline or boundaries in him.

"When I was about twenty years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time.

But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking--the first in his life. And she told him he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying.

He said to her, 'Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock you can throw at me.' All of the sudden a mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence." -From a peace prize acceptance speech given by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking

Actions are not the only things that are violent- words can be violent, too. Thinking before we speak, especially to impressionable children, is so important. I struggle with this as well as allowing my son to have his voice in our home.

Allowing our children to say things to us that may be uncomfortable is important. I believe that children are equals- not necessarily in experience, but in value. All too often, people treat children like property, or burdens, or second-class citizens, all because they have lived less time on the planet (in this lifetime, anyway!). I want my child to feel comfortable telling me anything. And so I listen. Often at this stage, when he is trying to get his feelings and ideas expressed in so few words, I must coax and offer new words and ideas to help us understand one another.*

What are your feelings on this topic? Do you believe spanking (or other corporal punishment) is violence? Why or why not?

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*He is learning new words every day and just starting sentences! His first sentence ever was, "I did it!", said in a very proud voice. Sadly, it was not something his mama wanted to do (dump the dog's water), but he was so excited, I had to laugh.)