Violence In The Home

This quote below really tells how I feel about "gentle discipline" and why, even though I struggle, I will not strike my child out of frustration, anger, or the desire to instill discipline or boundaries in him.

"When I was about twenty years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time.

But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking--the first in his life. And she told him he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying.

He said to her, 'Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock you can throw at me.' All of the sudden a mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence." -From a peace prize acceptance speech given by Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking

Actions are not the only things that are violent- words can be violent, too. Thinking before we speak, especially to impressionable children, is so important. I struggle with this as well as allowing my son to have his voice in our home.

Allowing our children to say things to us that may be uncomfortable is important. I believe that children are equals- not necessarily in experience, but in value. All too often, people treat children like property, or burdens, or second-class citizens, all because they have lived less time on the planet (in this lifetime, anyway!). I want my child to feel comfortable telling me anything. And so I listen. Often at this stage, when he is trying to get his feelings and ideas expressed in so few words, I must coax and offer new words and ideas to help us understand one another.*

What are your feelings on this topic? Do you believe spanking (or other corporal punishment) is violence? Why or why not?

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*He is learning new words every day and just starting sentences! His first sentence ever was, "I did it!", said in a very proud voice. Sadly, it was not something his mama wanted to do (dump the dog's water), but he was so excited, I had to laugh.)