New Classes That I Am Taking!

I just started my new semester at seminary, and am taking two classes this fall. I have a liturgy writing class on Mondays called "Writing the Rites" that will undoubtedly make an appearance here in the blog. And my other class, Sex and Spirit, is on Thursdays! I wanted to share a bit, after all, sex and religion is a powerful mix!
In Feri, Sex is considered the life force that connects all living things, and it is the origin of the universe (not just genital sex, but it includes that, too). Sex is not always about procreation, rather it is about creation of all kinds, be it of another human being, a work of art, a good orgasm, or an ecstatic experience. In Feri, there is no shame in sex- and there is no guilt, either. Sex is a good healthy thing, when consensual.

But I know that other religions have their issues with sex for whatever reason and often have prohibitions on what kind of sex one is allowed to have (if any), when you can have it, and with whom. That is why I am glad to be in a class with people from diverse religious and cultural perspectives. I am glad to see that future clergy of many denominations and traditions will be sex positive.


As a future priest and present parent, the messages that I transmit about sex to those around me matter. Sex is a normal bodily function and a part of creation. I want my son growing up embracing his human birthright to have sex and hold it as sacred, as a gift.  I want him to get pleasure from his body as is his right. I want him to know the names of all his body parts, and the names of other body parts he does not possess. As a young girl, I was not told the names of all my body parts, and had to learn about sex mostly on my own. I already have a great children's book for Rowan when he gets a little older called a Kid's First Book About Sex. He will learn anything he wants to know, and he will get information without having to ask. Teaching him about sex will be like teaching him about art, math, or insects. It is a commonplace thing, and happens to almost everyone in their life.

About the class (from the syllabus):

If we want to bring our whole selves into connection with Spirit, we can’t forget our sexual selves. In this class, we will explore the effects of erotophobia on sexuality and, by extension, spirituality in order to discover how we can integrate these foundational aspects of our humanity. Some topics we will discuss include: sexual well-being, the effects of shame on relationships, sexual diversity, how our sexual selves can inform our spiritual practices, and the dance between boundaries and connection with others. The class will include lecture, interactive exercises, group discussion, and personal reflection in order to offer a range of perspectives and experiences.

Course objectives: By the end of the course, you will be able to:

• Discuss how sexual well-being, shame and interpersonal boundaries influence and are influenced by their relationships with the Divine.
• Identify and commit to at least one step they can take to deepen their understanding of sexual diversity and overcome erotophobia.
• Explore ways in which their personal sexualities can both inform and hinder their roles as ministers.

Sound good? So far, it is! My professor for the class is an old friend, actually- Charlie Glickman. We worked together at Good Vibrations, among other things, back in the day.

I'll be journaling for the class and posting some of those entries here. For homework for our first class, he asked us to write about this:
What messages have you received about sex and spirituality? How have those messages shaped your studies? Your spiritual journey? Your daily life?


Interesting questions for me to ponder. How about you?

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If all goes according to plan, I should become a better, more creative writer in the next 14 weeks: "Writing the Rites" is my way of getting up to snuff in the writing department.

Technically, it is a liturgy writing class for wannabe Unitarian Universalist ministers. But what is liturgy if not creative writing for religious thinkers? And not just "the big 5" have liturgy. My religious tradition has gorgeous liturgy written by poets more talented in that arena than I. But I aspire, and in order to succeed, work is to be done! We will be writing as a daily practice, checking in with a writing partner weekly on top of class time, and checking in monthly with the professor about our journaling. I am looking forward to honing my skills!

We started the class by doing some automatic writing and (gulp) sharing it in front of the class - twice. I took a chance and made myself vulnerable, exposing personal details about my life. It's going to be an interesting semester, I think!

From the syllabus:

I. Description:

This course will provide religious leaders with tools to create meaningful, multi-vocal worship in the UU congregational setting. In class and in the community we will be creating and leading traditional and transformational worship for people at all ages and stages. Students will gain and understanding of the psychology and spirituality of ritual and liturgical forms within an historic context. In addition to the Sunday service, we’ll create a calendar and write ceremonial rites to prepare for the leadership of weddings, memorials and other special religious occasions.

II. Course Aims and Learning Objectives:

Aims

This course will include a lot of writing. In and between sessions students will be writing for the various elements that make up Sunday services, and traditional rites of the Unitarian Universalist community. Students will explore the necessary rhythms of writing for professional sustainability.

Students will share their writing with others and be expected to offer, and receive, affirmation and critique. We will create a community of hope expressed in written and spoken words.

Learning Objectives:

By the end of this course, students will: •Have a portfolio of writing samples for various religious

occasions; •Understand the history and intentions of various liturgical rites and

increase in their confidence and ability to lead congregations

through familiar and new rituals; •Be able to adapt written material from a variety of sources with

attention to the integrity of the original and the issues of

appropriation and fair use; •Find meaningful tools for incorporating writing into a public and

pastoral ministry.

I'm looking forward to creating some gorgeous litugy for Feri rituals in this class!

How Our Family Works

Regular readers: this blog post is a submission to the Blog Carnival of Feminist Parenting.

I was recently told by more than one person that it was "crazy" the amount of stuff that I take on and projects that I juggle. To someone outside our family, it probably seems that way. How could I have time for my son, as well as an active blog, and several not-for-profit organizations, and be in grad school, and, and, and?

First, I've always been a busy person. A do-er. I've always talked about myself as someone who "makes stuff happen". It's what I do, and I love doing it. Sometimes I get stressed, sure- but honestly, I get bored easily! I need to have projects pulling at my attention (and I don't a TV)! People should only worry about me if I have nothing going on. Then something is seriously wrong, people.

While I have a lot of projects, they have come up in the pursuit of doing what I love. For example, in her last living year, I met and visited Cora Anderson weekly. While many would think that I was purely in the giving situation there and Cora was receiving, that is only part of the reality. She told me many important things, some of which I am still sorting out. She gave me plenty to think about in terms of my relationship to the Craft and the people in it. Frankly, I have learned so much from so many- and for that, I am truly grateful. Out of that, PEARL was born, and I personally care for an elder (one that I am personally connected to) about once a week, and in the process, I set up the infrastructure for others to do the same, if they choose.

Another example: I wanted to have a baby. After Rowan got here, I realized there are too few real-life resources for me and those like me: Pagan parents who are community minded and want their children growing up in a tribal environment with close familial ties reinforced by our religion. Out of that, this blog and Pagan Playdate were born.

To assure those people that think that I take on "too much": I know how to say no and actually do that quite often- to projects that do not fit into the world that I am shaping for myself. I know how to pace myself in the work as well. Most of these projects are something that I, myself, initiated as I was uncovering my Work. When I follow the Flow, the Work is easy and things get done.

Second, (and this point is very important) my family structure allows me the time and energy to do all of these projects, go to school, make a living, and care for my son. "How the hell does that work?" I hear you asking yourself. Simple. I don't have to be exclusively responsible for any one project (except school- that one is all me!) all the time.

I was delighted to learn that I was following the principles of Equally Shared Parenting! I discovered this blog/book a month or so ago and the tune is so familiar! My partner and I share the burden of breadwinning, parenting, housework, and several projects in the Feri community. 

I know lots of parents (mostly women) who do most or all of the parenting alone. They are either single mamas or they have a "one breadwinner, one stay-at-homer" family. Both models are hard and frankly, I don't know how they manage.

I am a huge fan of Hip Mama and after reading the magazine, books, and blogs (all of whom give plenty of voice to single mamas (among other kinds)), I have to say: single mamas have my utmost respect for keeping it together on a daily basis. What you manage to do trumps my efforts any day! Single parents rule. If you are not a single parent but know any - do the world a favor and offer some free babysitting this week to her/him. Seriously. They deserve some free time.

And I feel for the split-duty families, too. The breadwinner often feels as they are missing out on important moments in their kids lives (and they are!) and the stay-at-homer tends to go crazy from a lack of adult contact. It's not really a win-win situation there, either. 

I love our family model; it really works for us. The most that I have gone without support with Rowan is 10 hours, and the same is true for my partner (and baby daddy), Oberyn. I was lucky to find such a like-minded co-parent. We saw eye-to-eye on this issue from the start. Both of us want to share the care for Rowan equally and be there for him as he grows and develops- we have committed to this whole parenting thing fully. We both tend to see parenthood as the most important job we will ever have, and it is a task that we relish.

As corny as it sounds, watching our son grow and develop is amazing and is time better spent than most anything else we could be doing. We often amuse ourselves these days by witnessing his milestones: how he is learning to crawl, bit by bit; each new food he tries and the funny faces he makes when he does; or how he is fast becoming a serious flirt. Naturally, it takes our breath away- it is an amazing thing we are doing and we have created an amazing being. Oberyn is a naturally giving and nurturing person, and takes amazing care of our son. Rowan, in turn, adores his daddy. I am so grateful.

As for equally shared parenting, we have even gone so far as to do a "split shift" at bedtime. First shift sleeps with Rowan until 4 AM (we do co-sleeping with our son). This is the time he normally wakes for a feeding. Then the first shifter changes his diaper and passes him off to the second shifter, who feeds him and takes him for the rest of the night. We actually sleep in separate rooms, as this allows each of us to get far more sleep with a baby in the house than any other way we tried. And sleep is a rare and precious commodity these days.

That is not to say that we don't have our disputes, mainly over housework. While I am not a slob, Oberyn is far more, let's say -meticulous- than I am (That's a much nicer word than "anal", isn't it? Just joking!). He gets fed up with clutter a lot quicker than I do, and so he ends up doing more around the house and that can sometimes lead to resentments. I am sure as he reads this blog he is grinning. I rarely admit to him that he does more chores, and now here I am, telling the whole world! (Often I am writing Witch Mom posts as he does the dishes.)

My partner is one of those rare specimens: a male feminist who likes to keep a neat house! When I asked him how he ended up that way, he wasn't sure. He certainly wasn't brought up to see work around the house as something a man should value or pursue. Personally, I think it had to do with his college studies in queer theory. He was exposed to feminism as well as queer politics in college, and it stuck. It also helps that his generation takes many feminist advances for granted (Oberyn is 11 years younger than me), and that has translated into our home life.

The fact that we both belong to a religion that embraces the Divine Feminine can't hurt, either. In our religion, women are strong and powerful. It's a natural state of being. As above so below- if God Herself can create the universe and everything in it, certainly this mama can post in her blog or organize a new event (while her son is happily played with by daddy).

A feminist model of parenting is personally benefiting me, yes. It allows me to pursue my interests and passions as well as have a successful family life. But I firmly believe that this is also the best for Rowan, my son, as well. He gets two fully engaged parents who love on him all the time. He gets two models of well-adjusted, balanced, thriving adults to model himself upon. He will never hear the guilt-inducing refrain that so many have about how their parents martyred themselves on the altar of parenthood to raise him, because it is not necessary or even true.

My son was planned and wanted every step of the way- from his conception to every little detail of his upbringing. My partner and I negotiate at each juncture and no assumptions are made about who is going to do what based on gender- it is based on ability, time available, and other practical matters. To me, this is what feminist parenting is all about.

The Nature of Love

So I prepared myself as best as possible for this thing we call parenthood. I took classes read lots, talked to other parents, and did internal check-ins about what was happening to my body, my life, and my mind as I progressed in pregnancy.

But to be honest, nothing prepared me for the emotional wallop of having a child. I know it sounds sappy, but I never thought I could love someone so much. Yes, I have been in love, have had long-term relationships, etc. But this is different.

The experience of loving an adult is like building a house. It is a deliberate act to create something nurturing and sheltering with someone. If you do it right (and often we novice house builders need more than one pass-through to create a house that will stand!), you start by building a great foundation, and add bells and whistles from there. I have built fancy turrets without a proper foundation, only to have it crash down around me. I have also built huge deep foundations and failed to build a living space that was fanciful enough to capture my imagination for the long haul.

Loving my son, though- that is more like being a force of nature. (Because I am!) Sometimes I feel as though I could rip through someone, utterly destroying them, if they went to harm my son in any way. BEWARE the mama bear.

And the intensity of this love scares, exhilarates, and surprises me. I know I can never be the same again, because of this love. I know that I will never be completely worry free ever again, either. But it is a fair trade-off, I think.