Book Review: Pagan Parenting by Kristin Madden

Pagan Parenting, subtitled "Spiritual, Magical, and Emotional Development of the Child" was a book I snatched up as soon as I became aware of its existance. It seemed right up my alley- as I intend on raising my son in our religious tradition (Feri Witchcraft) and am interested in developing a age-appropriate religious and homeschool curricula for him steeped in the knowledge that Rowan is a spiritual (as well as physical and emotional) being.
I bought this book when I was pregnant, and I was so excited to read the first chapter on incarnation. In it, that author discusses how to attune to your in utero child through energy and dream exercises. It talks of how the energetic systems are developing in the child's body before and after birth, just as its physical and mental capacities are growing, too.

Because the book discusses simple exercises that you can do with your very young child to develop her/his psychic ability (games, dreams, breathing, working with his/her aura), this has been a frequent re-read now that Rowan is here.

The book is also valuable to parents of older children: exercises for health and healing, bolstering your family connection through rituals, sabbats and esbats, meals, and activities, and much more are discussed. There are activities for children and tweens. There is even a Q & A chapter on the hard questions any parent encounters- with suggested answers from a pagan perspective.

Oddly enough, while the author identifies herself as on a "shamanic path" and mentions being a Druid, the book seems to be written especially for Wiccans (the references to "the God" and "the Goddess" as opposed to a polytheistic "gods and goddesses" is a common refrain in the book). But I find it is helpful for pagans of all stripes (as I don't identify as Wiccan at all, and I enjoyed the book). I found some of the exercises inspirational both to do "as is" and as a starting point to develop something "more Feri in flavor" for Rowan.

I especially was charmed by the chapter that discusses helping the child build a first altar- I am so looking forward to the time that Rowan can tell us what he wants on it and why!

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Formal Rating:

Title: Pagan Parenting
Author: Kristin Madden
Publisher: Llewellyn Worldwide
Price: $14.95 USD , $22.95 CAN
ISBN: 1-56718-492-8

Topics Covered: Parenting, Religion, Spirituality, Childhood Development, Exercises and Activities
Target Audience: Parents and Caregivers of Children and Teens, Pagans- especially Wiccans.


Witch Mom Rating: Two and a Half Hats:

 A valuable resource. Isn't all things to all trads, but does a great job being general enough on trad specifics but specific enough on activities and exercises to be of value.


Pagan Parenting (Revised Edition) (link to buy this book, if you so desire)

Watching My Son Grow

Every day, I watch my son make leaps and bounds in his cognitive, psychic, and physical development and it floors me sometimes. I wanted to document some of the things that I have noticed in the past couple weeks:

1. We live in Oakland, CA- best known this past week for the demonstrations, riots, and looting that took place (after a BART (transit) cop got a 2-5 year sentence for shooting an unarmed black man (who was face down on the ground, defenseless and unarmed) in the back. It was caught on video by many lookers on.) here recently. It's been a somber time here in Oakland.

The day of the verdict, I was out having coffee with a friend and Rowan at a neighborhood cafe. Rowan went down for a nap about an hour later after the verdict was announced- safe at home in the back of the house. I was in the front, working on my computer. At some point,I heard him fuss and cry, so I went in the back to tend to him. It was then that I heard- far off in the distance- the protesters. They were making their way down our busy street to Fruitvale BART, where the murder took place, for a rally. They were not loud and it was several blocks away, unamplified. But the energy was unmistakable and I could hear the distant chants of "No Justice, No Peace" and cars honking in support as they passed by.

I am convinced that Rowan was awakened by the anger, frustration, and sadness of the protestors several blocks away. 

Background: Rowan sleeps through crazy loud noises all the time. Semi trucks, sirens, vacuum cleaners right next to him- nothing bothers him. Noise is not an issue. Energy however, is. He is highly sensitive and has been from the start. Tweakers (people on drugs like speed, cocaine, meth), schizophrenics and bipolar folks (whose energy is spiky and unpredictable), overly negative people, and also creepy people of different stripes all freak him out. Often in these cases, he turns inward and his eyes become unfocused. He's trying to cope/escape the best he knows how. If he's able, he clings to Mom or Dad for refuge inside our energy body to shield him from the unfamiliar and uncomfortable energy coming his way.

Anyway, back to the story. He woke up and was crying. I went back to soothe him and see if he was going to sleep more or get up, and that's when I heard the faint sounds of protesters. He was very agitated, thrashing from side to side in the bed and the only thing that helped was holding him and sheltering him from some of the hurt he could feel and subsequently casting circle and shield and protect the house from excessive anger coming from the outside. After that, he seemed to be better.

He stayed up late that night- probably picking up on Mommy and Daddy's agitation (we both were on live twitter and blog feeds all night, trying to keep up with the protests, what was going down in our town, and what the cops were doing). But he did not thrash in agitation like before, thankfully. I was glad to be able to shield him a little. It's not as if he hasn't been energetically sensitive before, as I said. It's just that up until this point, Rowan seemed to only be affected by energy in his immediate presence. Now his range of field has expanded. An interesting and noteworthy development in my little witchlet.

2. He has become a master manipulator. He squeals and mock cries, only to immediately stop, smile, and have his eyes sparkle as soon as we give him whatever it is he is squealing for. He is learning to master his world (that would be us!) and it is astounding to see how smart he is. At least we know that we can avert a meltdown this way!

3. He is learning language, even though he himself cannot speak or sign well yet. He definitely knows the words "Rowan", "milk", "Ba" (bottle), "sleepy sleepy", "Mommy", "Daddy" and "bird" (we have pet birds). He also knows "up" and we ask him to raise his hands (so that we can get under his arms to lift him easily) if he wants to be picked up. We are working on "change" (as in diapers), "food" (as he just started solids), "more", "hi" and "shower".

4. He is going through a frustrating phase of fighting sleep (naps and for the night) and intentionally works himself up into a frenzy so he cannot fall asleep. It takes a whole routine now, whereas before, he would just fall asleep (twice during the day, and then again for the night). He usually employs the strategy of kicking frantically and moving his arms (one day I want to get him on a blue screen backdrop doing it, as I could manipulate it in some video software and have it look like he is walking through Paris or something.) so that he won't fall asleep with all that movement.

Tonight, I foiled that plan by putting him in his sleepsack (the awesome European one from Nightshade! Thanks!) and then into the swing. Because his legs were encompassed in the sack, and the sack was pinned down by the swing's tray/leg separator, he could not kick. His solution? He went out of his way to pull himself up into an upright position (the swing was in a sleep inducing recline position), holding onto the tray for dear life- grinning in a ridiculously huge way at his triumph over sleep. We tested this hypothesis- to see if this was why he was doing this strange thing. Sometimes he would recline back as he tired himself out and then we would say, "Are you sleepy sleepy?" "You gonna go sleepy sleepy? Or some such thing. At those magic words, he would immediately employ his wakeful strategy again, causing us to laugh.

5. He is sitting up unassisted for longer periods these days- he even had a shopping cart ride at the supermarket and LOVED IT. It was all we could do to get his mouth away from that nasty cart. We lined it with a blanket, but still. Eew.

6.  His love of solid foods is amazing- he squeals and demands more and is actually starting to have some minor fits of pique- I would not call them temper tantrums quite yet- more like a precursor of what loveliness is to come- if we are not fast enough with the goods. So far, he's has carrots, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, apples, blueberries, blackberries, and rice cereal. He eats about a third of one of those baby food jars at a time, gleefully.

7. He had another doctor's visit and is 27 inches long, his head is 17 inches around, and he weighs almost 18 pounds. These are his stats at 5.5 months.

8. Yesterday, we took him to the county fair. I was excited to see if there was any spectacle there that would catch his attention. Mommy likes the animals. He wasn't too interested in sheep, pigs, or cows in pens. But he liked the peacock and turkeys strutting in their pens. His favorite thing was a kids event- a two clown circus show. He was mesmerized by their juggling and their crazy toilet paper launching machines. As we were leaving, we stopped to get daddy some cotton candy and he got to see some of the carnival rides. He was entranced by the flashing lights and movement of the rides and screaming people. It was cute to watch.

Ok- enough mundane things. Next post will be about teaching kids the Craft, promise!

Lessons for My Son: You have Power

This is the first installment of a regular feature that I hope to institute called "Lessons For My Son". In it, I hope to express ideas and concepts that it has taken me 40 years and many mistakes to learn.

The lesson today, Rowan, is that your words and actions matter- and so does your silence and inaction. That you have a direct impact on the world- what you say and do matter just as much as what you do not say or do. You help to shape our reality and you have power.

To deny this fact or act as though it were not true (by letting only others do the shaping) is not only false, it is blasphemy, if witches are said to have such a thing. It's not that I haven't seen witches lose their way- I have. I have lost my way once or twice, too. But a witches' role in this world is to be a bridge, a conduit for power between this world and the next. We have sway and power in both these worlds we span- because it is how we are made. We are born for this work.

So, with the theory above expressed- let's get to the tangible parts of the lesson:

• Sitting on the sidelines watching others do or say something mean, harmful, or ugly is just as bad as articipating in it actively. As Audre Lorde said, "Your silence will not protect you." It just makes the world an uglier and unsafer world for a little longer. Best to confront the ugliness head on- and if you need help, ask me. I will be there for you- always.
  
• You must think of the world that you want to live in, that ideal and live as if you are already there- in that world, every day. Live as if the actions and words that you choose will help to shape those around you and the world itself in the image of that ideal- because it DOES. Words and deeds are the everyday magick that helps us weave the web of life and culture.
  
• Allowing others to control your words and deeds because you fear losing their acceptance or approval is giving away your power. Do not allow bullies to strip you of your birthright as a witch*. Even if those bullies claim to be your friends.
  
• Taking action or saying something that only serves to create comfort isn't always the best path. Speaking the truth, as you know it- particularly when it makes some uncomfortable- is most likely a better course of action. C.S.Lewis said, "If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." More to the point, JFK said, "There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction." 

I wish for you to know your power and what you are capable of and to use that power to make the world a better place. And I hope that growing up with a witch's training will help you reach that gnosis a little sooner than most.


* Yes, I believe that you were born a witch. While it something that you must choose to confirm as an adult later in life- you were conceived and are being raised as a witch. You have already shown promising gifts for such a role in life. You are my little witchlet.

Ideas for Lughnasadh?

I was just talking to my partner about what we should do with Rowan for the upcoming sabbat. When our son, Rowan, was born we made a commitment to observe all the sabbats with him from the very start. We want him to have fondly remembered rituals and holidays from childhood.

But observing sabbats with a child under one is difficult. What to do? We've had decent rituals (albeit simple ones) with him thus far, but his particular age and ability level is getting harder and harder to accomodate.

His first sabbat was Imbolc, and he was tiny. We introduced him to Nimue, one of the gods of the Feri pantheon- (without getting too in depth and giving you a Feri 101, Nimue a child god who has power of a god in the hands of a six year old. She's impulsive, prone to fits of pique, and is fiercely protective of her children.) When we did Imbolc with Rowan, we were parents for a mere few weeks. We were tired and the baby was small and less active than he is now. It was a simple introduction, in front of her altar in our temple.

Oestara was lovely- we had Feri guests and together we held a ritual specifically for baby Rowan- he was blessed by each person there and then introduced to our 7 directional Feri guardians. He got hungry during the ritual and mom and baby had to sit at one point and get our boob on in circle, but the ritual was lovely nonetheless.

Beltaine we went up to Wolf Creek Radical Faerie Sanctuary in Oregon and did their Walpurgisnacht bonfire, Maypole dance, and introduced Rowan to the Sacred Land where he was conceived (the previous Beltaine).

Midsummer was a simple feast and introducing him to bits of fruit.

And now we are coming up on Lughnasadh, when Rowan will be 6 months old- a wiggly, squiggly 6 month old who won't hold still or keep quiet, nor will he be able to participate like a toddler could in dancing or as a preschooler could in crafts. So what do we with a child do at this age?

A wonderful go-to guide for slightly older children is Circle Round, written by three priestesses in the Reclaiming trad. I have a copy of this book and cannot recommend it enough. When Rowan gets older it will be a great resource for us! In the meantime, I intend on documenting what does and doesn't work with a child his age as we go along.

If anyone has age-appropriate activities you'd like to share, I'd be much obliged. Feel free to leave comments here on the blog- and we'll get a discussion started!

As a Mother, I Parent the Whole World Now...

Something has happened to me since becoming a parent. I am unable and unwilling to stand idly by as children suffer, but I also cannot bear to watch. I call it the Mama Bear Syndrome.

It's as if all children were in some way my own now. And in a theological sense, that is, of course, true. We are all connected and suffering is suffering. It is as if God Herself opened a part of my soul to expose me to a fraction of her love for all her creation. I feel open, raw, and over-extended a lot of the time now- especially when I read the news.

I cannot read or learn about a bad circumstance involving children without getting nauseous or angry (or both). I have a hard time reading and watching videos about circumcision, for example. When the baby screams and passes out from pain and shock, my heart leaps out of my chest and I want to hunt down the person that did this horrible thing and bite their head off, literally. Beware the Mama Bear- she loves and protects her cubs, with violence if necessary.

This Syndrome makes me avoid watching and reading about such things. I know that I should stay informed on this (and other) issues in order to do the most good, but when the time comes to watch or read that first-hand account, my body rebels.

I have never had a hard time getting involved for social change. I have been a part of queer anti-violence patrols that stopped hate crimes and domestic violence on the street, for example. In the moment, I am clear-headed. I am discerning and strategic. I do what needs to be done for maximum benefit. I deescalate when possible, disarm when necessary. I have taken away guns and knives, faced down gangs of skinheads and frat boys. Little 5 foot 2 inch me and my queer friends. And afterward? I usually throw up.


It's hard being a new mama, and not in the way that I think many people mean (the lack of sleep, the lack of self-care, the crazy routines, the inability to get as many things done as you used to). It's hard because you realize, now more than ever in a tangible sense, that the world is in your hands. That you are responsible with your action, inaction, words and deeds. And I struggle to make every one of those words and deeds count. For the maximum benefit of all.

I got an unsolicited email from a Feri Initiate friend yesterday. It was something I needed to hear right now (gotta love psychics!):

I don't know if you want any direct advice but I do have some, lol. The first year after a child is born, especially the first year for a woman doing spiritual work, you will be very sensitive on many levels. Some of this is very primal wanting to protect your child and wanting a better world for that child. When Victor (Anderson, former Grandmaster of the Feri Tradition and now among the Mighty Dead- ed.) spoke to me of respecting both the strength and fragility of human nature in body, mind and spirit; he spoke of the need for new mothers not to take on the world even though they might want to. This is not wimping out. :) but a time of self love and focus. Hugs BB -C

I laughed when I got that email. It was so timely.